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Black Tie Optional

I am thinking about designating Black Tie Optional on our invitations (I'm guessing I do this on the reception card, and not the actual invitation?).   Our wedding is going to be formal- the ceremony is at a cathedral and the reception at a nice hotel, my dress is very dressy and my bridesmaids are wearing floor length dresses.My only concern is that I may isolate some of the groom's family- they are not from this area and I worry they will think this is a snobby wedding.  What do you think?  And do I put the designation on the reception card or the actual invitation?  Thanks!

Re: Black Tie Optional

  • spuliaficospuliafico member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't think putting black tie optional will sound snobby it all. If anything I think it will make it sound less snobby, kind of stating, it's formal, but it doesn't HAVE to be this formal. I don't think anyone would feel isolated or offended at all! I'd put it on the invitation myself though, cause it sounds like your ceremony's going to be pretty formal.
  • kjane12kjane12 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You can add it to your wedding website in case you don't want to put it in the invitation itself.
  • edited December 2011
    I have found that this varies by area. My first choice would be simple word of mouth. Next, I would mention it on my Web site. IMO, I think it looks tacky on a formal invitation (unless it is required by the restaurant). Essentially, you are telling grown adults what to wear and some may be offended. Also, they send the reply card back to you. So, it seems odd to me that it would be on there.
  • tracy_ktracy_k member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't put it on the actual invitation itself, but I'd definitely include it in your invitation mailing, along with the information about the ceremony and reception.Definitely better to state it clearly than have guests who somehow don't get the message and then feel embarrassed about being underdressed.I don't think it sounds snotty at all, and anyone who would be offended by it needs to reconsider their priorities.
  • HoosierTerpHoosierTerp member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We had it on our invitation.  That is the way I have always seen it done (but we didn't have a reception card since it was all in one location).
  • edited December 2011
    Ask the person who is printing your invitations what is the right way to do it. If you only write it on your website, the guests who don't know will end up feeling uncomfortable if they aren't dresses properly.
  • edited December 2011
    I have always seen it on the invitation itself, not the reply  card. You have no control over whether folks will think it's snooty, that's all based on their own experiences and expectations about weddings.  If it's important to you include it.The only time I found it ridiculously snooty was when it was an invite to an outdoor wedding in Miami in the middle of summer.  Yeah 99 degrees, humidity, and black tie don't go well together! =0)
  • TheAnneTheAnne member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I had a similar issue...  I didn't want to sound like I was telling people what they had to wear but I wanted them to know that it is a formal event.  What I did is, instead of paying for reception cards, I printed "Formal Reception to Follow" at the bottom of the formal invitation and then on an insert card with directions and stuff I had the info about the reception.  But I think that putting "Formal Reception to Follow" spelled out plainly enough that I was expecting people to not show up in khakis and sundresses. 

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