Help! I can't do this huge wedding thing...

Kelly3886

I got engaged in the beginning of August, and since then I've been stressing about planning a big traditional wedding in DC. 

Both my fiance and I have really large families, so there's no way that we can have a small local wedding. This week, I finally found the most reasonable (and still beautiful) wedding reception venue in DC proper (my fiance was set on having it in the city and not in any of the surrounding areas). They sent over the contract, and when we were talking about whether we were going to pull the trigger, I basically freaked out. 

My ideal wedding would be small, outdoor, and informal with good food, great wine, immediate family, and close friends. I think it would be so amazing to have it in Italy or somewhere like that. I realized that our "DC wedding" was exactly the opposite. 

Does anyone have any advice? My fiance thinks the Italy idea would be really selfish, but honestly the thought of having 150 guests is causing me a lot of anxiety. It seems like the only way we can avoid that is by doing the destination thing (or have a tiny wedding abroad and then have a reception back home), because I cannot have a wedding here and not invite all of these relatives. 

I know this isn't the typical post asking for caterer suggestions, but I would really appreciate any help! Thank you so much!

tuarceatha

Aw! I know that feeling of anxiety.

I think it is important to figure out what is best for you and your FI. I agree that having a small wedding, far away leaves a lot of close/semi-close people feeling left out. But I also think you two have to do whatever suits you best. A wedding is just one celebration of life. And there are a lot of ways to include family members in the other special days in your life...

I guess I don't have any good advice, other than sitting down with your FI and weighing the pros and cons of a desination wedding vs. a local one that includes the large families. Best of luck!

HT2012

Have you thought about a small destination wedding? That usually weeds out large groups.

nutella77

I know the feeling, and I'm so sorry. I would have loved a small wedding too, but my family is ginormous, and we've lived in DC for a long time and have a lot of friends, and then things snowball, and you know how it is. 150 invitees, we'll see how many respond.

I do have a few suggestions: can you make the small garden party you envision into a large garden party? There are some great places to do this- Boordy's winery in MD comes to mind. We played at a beautiful wedding there once, I feel like there were 100+ guests but it felt small because it was in a big barn type building. But maybe with stone walls? I can't tell from their website whether the barn building is available for rent anymore. Or you can pick an anti-venue type venue. I was thinking about this place in Baltimore for us:

http://www.corradetti.com/partyrental.html

but went with another room here in DC. We're just doing a cocktail party with heavy h'or doueves (did I spell that right?) so it won't feel so formal and overwhelming. 150 chicken/beef/fish plated dinners seemed like way more than I felt like dealing with, but somehow a taco bar felt right. You'd be surprised how many vendors are happy to cater to the "undone" wedding crowd.

I'm not sure if I helped at all, but I did want you to know that a) I feel your pain and b) chin up, you'll find something you and your boyfriend can agree on and will both love. It just takes a little creativity in addition to the communication.

 

nutella77

sorry, just read the "in dc" vs "surrounding areas" part so my suggestions are out. I can see his point, me and my dude are getting married in DC, but you can point out to your boyfriend that his condition rules out a lot of places that would better suit your vision. It's all about compromise! Italy may not be reasonable, and DC doesn't have a TON of great outdoor spaces, MD and VA do. Time to meet in the middle!

Lisa50

My advice is this ... have the wedding that you and your fiance really want.  The two of you don't owe anyone a thing.  Once you scale back to what the two of you want, the stress should melt away.  Good luck!

LoveKiss

We had a similar issue of being small wedding people with a big guest list, so we viciously slashed the guest list to immediate family and best friends only. Suddenly that 150-200 person guest list was down to 35. I was inviting a lot of family out of obligation rather than a real desire to have them there. Slashing the list did mean that some people who really mattered were cut. I couldn't invite cousin A without inviting cousin B. So even though cousin A and I are tight, she got cut. And ya know what? When cousin A and I talked about it, she completely understood and supported me 100%. She still jabs at me about it, but she doesn't hold a real grudge. People who love you will understand and be okay with your decision because they want you to be happy. And the selfish people who care more about a free dinner than your happiness are not the ones who matter in the first place.

artisticjewishbride2013

I would sit down with the FI and say " This is our once in a lifetime day becouse i dont plan on doing this again" I  understand family is importent but what is the real reason behind this huge wedding with 200 guests.
Have you seen or talked to these people in over a year?
do you know how they are related to you, and name each one?
 who is footing the bill?
I sit down and talk to him hear to heart that if you continue down this road it is going to make you very sick, weddings are suppose to be happy occasions and this situation is going to make you misrible. This isnt you , it a reflection of your love togeather