Need Advice about my Sister

ncohio

My sister has always has incredibly low self-esteem and usually tries to compete with other people's successes in life instead of being proud of them.  My parents do a lot of all of their kids, but whenever my sister finds out that they did something for someone else, she gets really jealous.  It's always been hard for me to have a sister that was more interested in one-upping other people than sharing with them in their happiness, which has gotten worse since she's been with her husband who is the same way and encourages jealous thoughts.  Back in June, we were all at my parents' house helping them move in, and she threw a fit when she found out that my parents were renovating the bathroom of their rental house that we rent from them.  As the movers were bringing in boxes of stuff, she started asking if she could have all kinds of stuff.  One of the things she asked for was an Oriental rug.  My mom said, "That might be a possibility if I change some of my color scheme" but nothing else was discussed.  The next day when my sister and her husband were leaving, my mom walked out to the car to say goodbye and they had that rug strapped to the roof of their van.  When she came back in, she said, "I can't believe they took my rug."  Anyway, she ended up asking for my sister to bring it back and my sister got pissed about that so she stopped talking to my mom.  My FI (who has known my sister for years and they lived together in college) sent my sister an email saying, "You shouldn't be mad at your family for something as trivial as a rug.  It's not worth it."  My sister got even more angry and posted all this nasty stuff on facebook about me and how I get all kinds of stuff (By the way, she's 27).  Then, she uninvited me from her daughter's 1 year birthday party.  The thing I realized from all of this was that my sister had been carrying with her for years a deep-seeded resentment for me, which was hard to accept.  That all happened in June and now it's October and we haven't spoken since.  I need to send out my save the date cards, but I don't know what to do when it comes to her.  I know she won't apologize for what she said and it almost seems like this event (which had nothing to do with me and I wasn't involved in) was perfect timing for her to express these feelings she has had for me.  I guess I'm trying to figure out if I should invite someone (who probably won't come) just because she is my sister, even though she despises me.  Any advice is appreciated!

Chefysgirl

I think you should send her and STD for the fact that she IS your sister. I think you'll regret it if you don't and it will show her that even with everything that has gone on that you still care about her. Even if she doesn't come or whatever..you're still being the bigger person by trying.GL!

freshislandgal

I am so sorry for this happening to you. It does seem like your sister has had habored feelings for awhile. In a weird way, I'm glad it came to surface now rather than later in the wedding planning or your wedding day. As an outsider, I understand that is easier than dealing with it and I empathize that you were brave enought to post this on here. I am sure that came from desperation and I think you should send a save the date to her.Yes, she's acting selfish but if you don't: it'll only add more fuel to the fire and cause you more stress than it's worth at this time. Get what I'm saying?!This is your wedding, remember that and remember that your FI loves you very much, especially to step in and send a cordial note to her to patch things up like he did. Your sister will not change unless she wants to and this seems to be a severe case of insecurity and green envy for all her non accomplishments. The choice is still yours, but sending a STD will not patch anything and will certainly make her turn this into an all out war if you don't send her one. I guarantee that she'll just do worse than FB and it's such a pity.I had a close friend who went through something similar a few years back at her wedding.

sduncans09

There's no chance for things to get better with her if you don't invite her.  They actually may never get better, but if you don't invite her they'll definitely get worse. 

KRHagen

I am a firm believer that in some cases a blood relation is just that and nothing more. I had to learn that sometimes its better to just let go than continue hurting yourself by allowing someone like your sister in your life. It sounds like she shares the same parents as you do but is not a sister.

mia5784

Be the better person and invite her.

handfast4me

Old lady of 50 weighing in here.  Yes. Invite her.  Years ago, after our mom died, I had to take care of most of the estate issues. My one sister was in Korea in the service, and my other sister was on the other side of the country.  I was closest to Mom's house, about 700 miles away.  Anyway, is all they did was criticize me about the way I was handling things, even though they wouldn't or couldn't step in to do things themselves, such as talk on the phone with the realtor, etc.  Finally, I got fed up and told them both they were fired as sisters, and they could re-apply for the job in the future, but for right now, they should vacate my life.  Really.  That's just how I said it.  It took one of them exactly 30 minutes to realize what a ninny she's been.  It took the other about 2 months.  And our relationship has been stellar ever since--before that I would have taken a lot of stuff from them. So, all this to say that things may improve, but it's OK to eliminate people from your life--even if they're related--who are not good for your well-being. You have to look out for YOU first. 

ncohio

Thanks for all the advice!  None of my close friends have a contentious relationship with their sisters, so it's hard for them to understand anything beyond a temporary fight.  I think I am at that point where I'm trying to decide if her thoughts and behaviors will permanently be this way or if there is a chance that she will change in the future.  I think I'll probably invite her out of optimism, but I guess my biggest lesson in all of this is that there's likely little hope for the type of sisterly relationship I have hoped to have.  Since the time we stopped talking, things have been fairly peaceful, so maybe what's best is just to keep my distance and go about my own life.