Stressed to the point that we might

bunky77

Call off our wedding. 22 days before our big day and the mother of the groom is still adding people to an already overinflated guest list. We only wanted 80 guests but somehow got talked into 100. We are now at 125 people with 80 of those being the grooms family, friends and the mother/father of the groom's coworkers who the groom has never met. I don't want to be "that" daughter in law. You know...the one no one likes, but my mother and I set a budget and refuse to go over that number. His family has offered to pay for the excess but at $50.00/person I seriously doubt they will be able to come up with the money back next Friday (when the catereing/decorating money is due) Anyone have any suggestions? I love this man but he has a hard time telling his family NO!!

Made4Him

If you love this man and really want to spend the rest of your life with him; don't let this get in the way. If they can't come up with the money, then the additional guests cannot attend. I hope you get it worked out.

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_georgia-atlanta_stressed-to-the-point-that-we-might?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:58Discussion:c512d876-ca45-46e4-94c0-be5c64180d9cPost:102ec2cf-5597-4895-aeb3-507bdd05e3ca">Stressed to the point that we might</a>:
[QUOTE]Call off our wedding. 22 days before our big day and the mother of the groom is still adding people to an already overinflated guest list. We only wanted 80 guests but somehow got talked into 100. We are now at 125 people with 80 of those being the grooms family, friends and the mother/father of the groom's coworkers who the groom has never met. I don't want to be "that" daughter in law. You know...the one no one likes, but my mother and I set a budget and refuse to go over that number. His family has offered to pay for the excess but at $50.00/person I seriously doubt they will be able to come up with the money back next Friday (when the catereing/decorating money is due) Anyone have any suggestions? I love this man but he has a hard time telling his family NO!!
Posted by bunky77[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Is she verbally inviting people?</div><div>
</div><div>Honey, this is ridiculous. If your FI won't stand up to his mother now, what makes you think he will when you have kids and she is telling you how they should be raised? I hate to be one to agree with you here, but I would seriously question marrying a man who won't stand up for me when a) a budget was set, and b) a large wedding is not what you want. </div><div>
</div><div>YOUR FI needs to call his mom and tell her to cease and desist, or ELSE. She needs to call up everyone she verbally invited or otherwise told about the wedding and explain HER MISTAKE. If you cannot afford to feed these people, you can't afford to feed them. PERIOD. Your FMIL has SERIOUS respect/boundary issues and you need your FI on your side here. If you are open to the idea, you could say you need a check by Thursday to cover these extra guests or they can't come, but that seems so awful to do because they have probably either RSVP'd or verbally told your FMIL they'd be there. </div><div>
</div><div>I am so sorry you're facing this, because I have a crazy FMIL too, but this tops my issues, I believe. My FI supports me and the decisions WE made TOGETHER about OUR wedding. I'm sorry if I seem harsh, but It just upsets me so much that your FI isn't having your back on this. 

</div>

pokepoke27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_georgia-atlanta_stressed-to-the-point-that-we-might?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:58Discussion:c512d876-ca45-46e4-94c0-be5c64180d9cPost:e2db71ec-c21f-4c3e-8d49-e3cc63d73312">Re: Stressed to the point that we might</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Stressed to the point that we might : Is she verbally inviting people? Honey, this is ridiculous. If your FI won't stand up to his mother now, what makes you think he will when you have kids and she is telling you how they should be raised? I hate to be one to agree with you here, but I would seriously question marrying a man who won't stand up for me when a) a budget was set, and b) a large wedding is not what you want.  YOUR FI needs to call his mom and tell her to cease and desist, or ELSE. She needs to call up everyone she verbally invited or otherwise told about the wedding and explain HER MISTAKE. If you cannot afford to feed these people, you can't afford to feed them. PERIOD. Your FMIL has SERIOUS respect/boundary issues and you need your FI on your side here. If you are open to the idea, you could say you need a check by Thursday to cover these extra guests or they can't come, but that seems so awful to do because they have probably either RSVP'd or verbally told your FMIL they'd be there.  I am so sorry you're facing this, because I have a crazy FMIL too, but this tops my issues, I believe. My FI supports me and the decisions WE made TOGETHER about OUR wedding. I'm sorry if I seem harsh, but It just upsets me so much that your FI isn't having your back on this. 
Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed. YOU shouldn't be telling your FMIL no, HE should. His mother, his problem. </div>

retaviato

Are you sure that this is about the guest list? You're talking about calling off your wedding plans for about $2000 ($50 X 40 extra people)?

You see? It's difficult to imagine that you'd let this get in the way of your plans if this is the love of your life!! There must be more to it and you're using this matter as an illustration of your doubts about your choice being the proper one.

Everyone has that anxiety, to a certain degree, but the fact that you went as far as to bring it to a public forum means that it's a real situation.

I hope that you resolve it in a way that works out best for you!

pokepoke27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_georgia-atlanta_stressed-to-the-point-that-we-might?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:58Discussion:c512d876-ca45-46e4-94c0-be5c64180d9cPost:e30f881f-3855-4a08-92c4-5554b1086453">Re: Stressed to the point that we might</a>:
[QUOTE]Are you sure that this is about the guest list? <strong>You're talking about calling off your wedding plans for about $2000 ($50 X 40 extra people)? You see? It's difficult to imagine that you'd let this get in the way of your plans if this is the love of your life!!</strong> There must be more to it and you're using this matter as an illustration of your doubts about your choice being the proper one. Everyone has that anxiety, to a certain degree, but the fact that you went as far as to bring it to a public forum means that it's a real situation. I hope that you resolve it in a way that works out best for you!
Posted by ttatum35[/QUOTE]

<div>A lot of people are on a tight budget. I couldn't imagine being so close to my wedding and finding out that I am expected to pay an additional $2000. It doesn't matter how much you love someone, if you don't have 2k then you don't have 2k. And I would never advise someone go into debt for the wedding. </div>

bunky77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_georgia-atlanta_stressed-to-the-point-that-we-might?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:58Discussion:c512d876-ca45-46e4-94c0-be5c64180d9cPost:e30f881f-3855-4a08-92c4-5554b1086453">Re: Stressed to the point that we might</a>:
[QUOTE]Are you sure that this is about the guest list? You're talking about calling off your wedding plans for about<strong> $2000 ($50 X 40 extra people</strong>)? You see? It's difficult to imagine that you'd let this get in the way of your plans if this is the love of your life!! There must be more to it and you're using this matter as an illustration of your doubts about your choice being the proper one. Everyone has that anxiety, to a certain degree, but the fact that you went as far as to bring it to a public forum means that it's a real situation. I hope that you resolve it in a way that works out best for you!
Posted by ttatum35[/QUOTE]

It's actually on $1250 extra @ 25 extra people and yes. We are on a tight budget and can't accomadate any extra people. The facility and the way we want our venue set up also can't accomadate the extra people. Another option is for us to elope. We have called a family meeting with his parents to see if we could work anything out first. I too hope all works out!!

amonis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_georgia-atlanta_stressed-to-the-point-that-we-might?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:58Discussion:c512d876-ca45-46e4-94c0-be5c64180d9cPost:25306742-ee9f-4ed0-8075-eea884a499e8">Re: Stressed to the point that we might</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stressed to the point that we might : Agreed. YOU shouldn't be telling your FMIL no, HE should. His mother, his problem. 
Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this 100%.  If you are on the same page about the wedding and budget, there should be no problem with him going to his mother about the issues.</div>

OnceIsForever

Tough call. I would insist that his mother pay for the additional catering costs herself. Do NOT pay this and hope she will reimburse you. If they can't pay and you won't pay, she will have to uninvite some guests.
You might also enlist the venue to help set some limits. And have place cards for the guests YOU have agreed to invite. The coordinator may have to tell some guests that there is a mistake and ask to see their invitation (which they won't have.)
You are NOT being a bridezilla just by setting some limits to the number of guests. Hold firm to your budget. Do not budge on this at all.
Please let us know how it works out.