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Bachelorette and Shower weekend dilema

So this past weekend was my bachelorette and shower weekend. One of my bridesmaids really disappointed me and I don't know how to talk to her about it. Maybe I am overreacting but I feel as though she does not care. She had RSVP'ed for dinner and bar hopping. Well she calls and cancels on the dinner, She stated she would need an hour to get ready and was already running late. which was fine no big deal. Then 2 hours go by and I call her and she states she is still getting ready but that she was on her way out. Well an hour later I am wondering if she is coming because we were moving to another bar. She shows up 4 hours after we all had been out. I was still ok with this. Then she shows up with a friend, and does not bother to greet the other girls, whom were all having a good time and soooo easy going. Well she then seems bored, so I decided to buy her a drink and see if that would liven her up or make her happy. Well, she chugs her drink and says she has to leave. She showed up for minutes. Well I felt sad and I started to cry (booze kicked in and made me stupid emotinal.) Then the next day we had the shower. She knew what time the shower was since she got an invite and a reminder from me. Well she calls when everyone is leaving and the shower is over, that she is on her way. I was on my way out as well, since I had people in town and needed to take them home. So I told her that the shower was over and that I was leaving. I was sooo disappointed in her. Not only is she a bridesmaid but she did not bother to apologize for either time. Now I am just concerned that she will be late for the wedding or not show up at all. I know this is silly to think, but the thing is I had explained that it was important for me to have her show up to these events and then she does not. And does not even seem to care. What should I do? Hope for the best and just let it go? Sorry this is long, and thanks for reading ladies-Sara.

Re: Bachelorette and Shower weekend dilema

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    erin48erin48 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Unfortunately this is a common issue that weddings bring out.  I am sure if you ask the married girls on the board, many of them had similar issues with friends or BM's including myself.  Yup, it sucks, but you have to remember that not everyone cares about your wedding the way you do, and when you haven't gone through the wedding experience before, I don't think you realize how big of a deal it really is to the bride.You should either talk to her about it and tell her how you feel, or just let it go and realize she may not be as great of a friend as you thought, or you may have just grown apart.
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    cadenaamcadenaam member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Erin exactly.  I would try and talk to her.  She might not know that these kinds of things you can't show up 2 hours late to and expect the party to still be going strong.  Some people assume a party means all night...
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    edited December 2011
    I know I'm taking the defense of someone I don't know, but there are other things going on in other people's lives too. Perhaps she can't afford to buy drinks, presents or food, and therefore thought by coming late it would be cheaper but still be supporting you. I would let it go, I've seen too many brides let this sort of thing ruin a relationship. If she doesn't show to the wedding, she won't be in it, there's nothing you can do to control that, so don't worry about it. I'm sure everything will be fine and lovely, enjoy the upcoming days leading up to your wedding and have fun!!!
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    edited December 2011
    I would be bothered by this too, because it irritates me when people say they're going to be somehwere then cancel at the last minute. It can be especially hurtful when it's your wedding, and not just some random night out with the girls. The thing is, the first time I planned a wedding, it was exactly like that with ex-FI's little sister. I assumed she didn't care, when the truth was, she was five years younger than the rest of the bridal party and just didn't feel like she fit in. I would definitely ask her what's going on in HER life before making the same erroneous assumption I did.
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