Destination wedding--sort of....

veronica05250

Hey Girls,This conversation has been going on for a few months and wanted to get some outside advice...My fiance and I have been together for almost 8 years and already feel married. That said, we were planning a small (30 guests max), casual wedding in Vail. We and everyone invited is from Denver or Boulder. Every time I think something is decided, like venue, my mom tries to talk me out of having the wedding in Vail and keep it in Denver. My fi and I have spent a week every summer for the past 5 years in Vail for my mom's timeshare, we love it up there and feel like anywhere else would not be as special. Is a two hour drive too long for guests to drive? I'm thinking probably half can afford to stay up there for the night and the rest may drive up, attend the wedding and very low key reception, then drive home. My fi and his family says they think those invited love us enough to come, even if it is a dive, but my mom is insisting that most will be pissy about the drive, the cost of staying, etc. Should I give in to her? She has made no mention of helping pay for anything, so does she have much of a say? She mentioned that my sister and her family think it's too far for them to come from Castle Rock. Am I being too selfish when planing our day, or does she need to let us decide? It's difficult because I'm the youngest in my family, my mom thinks we are too young to get married (24 and 25) and I feel she'd being difficult out of spite... It's getting to the point we may just go to the court house and just get married. :(Thanks!

A.M.F

I'm so sorry to hear that your mom is acting that way! I certainly hope that a two hour drive for those that LOVE you wouldn't be too much! I especially hope not because my guests will either have drives (2-5 hours) or plane rides and then a 3 hour drive to get to my wedding! Your mom sounds as though she's trying to be difficult! This is your decision, you are paying, and you are old enough to make these decisions on your own! To avoid conflict, yes, you could give in and have a low-key wedding in Denver... but you really have to decide what you AND your FI want to do! Its your special day! I for one would be torn between what to do in this situation -- give in and avoid conflict or do what you want to do... but ultimately you must remember that it is your day, the mark of the rest of your lives together, and you and FI should be the happiest ones! ...but that's just my two cents.

steffenfam

I don't think you are asking too much of your family/friends at all!  I would stick to your guns and have the wedding you want in Vail.  Mom will just have to get over it.

KariMichael

Its YOUR wedding. if Vail is what you and FI want, then have it in Vail. I say, don't give into your mom, You only get one chance to make your wedding day all that you dreamed it to be. Maybe look into renting one of the huge homes for the reception. We found some that slept 25-30 people. that way, everyone has a place to stay if needed and it will most likely be more affordable then hotels. 2 hours is not a bad drive. if your guest aren't willing to drive the 2 hours, IMO (harsh), they aren't worth the invite. your relationship is worth the 2 hours. Good Luck!

veronica05250

Thanks guys, I think I have known this all along, but I know if my mom and sisters think it's a bad idea, they will make it known until the day of. I typically would avoid conflict and go with their ideas, but FI is pretty adamant on Vail... Now I'm totally stuck in the middle of the whole conflict! Frustrating.

KariMichael

I totally understand why your in the middle and why it sux. BUT i would still sit them down and ask them if they had to give up their dreams on their wedfing day. Express to them that is important to you and that it's what you really want for your day. Tell them that you don't want to be difficult, but you would really appreciate their support. use heavy words and lay it on thick. They will get it, or they will realize that it is important to you and FI and that they need to let you have your spotlight.

velocitygrl

I'm sorry you're having problems with your family.  We had a small DW in Oregon- and everyone had to fly there to attend (except one couple who happened to live nearby).  It was totally great- stick to your guns...you'll have a great time.  I think you should have the wedding you want to have-especially if you're paying.  Talk to your family, and just let them know that this is really important to you, and especially to FI, and you would really like their support on this issue. I think you just have to decide what you want most, but don't let your family bully you into a wedding that isn't right for you. You'll regret it if you give in.  People won't be pissy about the drive- and even if they are, they won't tell the bride about it

gina_bo_bena

I agree with PPs.  You should do what you guys want to do!  It's your wedding day!  And even if she was helping pay for it, this day isn't about her.  ESPECIALLY since it has so much meaning for you and your FI.  And 2 hours is not long at all!  I know it's hard to be stuck in the middle...trying to please your family and FI - but this is the beginning of the rest of your lives.  You need to start it on your terms.  It seems like your mom is bitter about you getting married "young" and this is her way of trying to gain control.  I say go with your gut.

me2rean

It might be hard, but you need to sit down with your mom asap, bring your FI for some moral support so you don't feel bullied into a corner. Hopefully after the sit-down chat, your mom will either keep her thoughts to herself, or embrace your ideas. Wedding planning is stressful in itself, that sucks that you have to deal with family drama on top of it!

macookie

I think you should definitely do it in Vail! I grew up in Colorado and got married in Vail.... all of our family and friends from Colorado said they had a wonderful time and it was a nice weekend away.

mogulmolly

I love the idea of a sort of destination wedding. People have the option to stay and enjoy time on the mountains or to go home. But everyone will be together in one place for the time around the wedding. If you have guests spread out between Denver and Boulder and you get married on the front range people will attend the wedding and go on their way to whatever part of town they came from. If they drive to Vail they will most likely stick around and feel more like an important guests at your wedding. But with a 2 hour drive, those who may really need to leave early can. I think you are providing your guests an excellent option. 

I also appreciate reading your post, it is comforting to know that their are other brides having similar problems with their families. Best of luck to you!