RSVP overload HELP!!!

nicoqtpi

I have quite a large family and network of friends, so my fiance and I decided to only invite the people we both knew. In some cases just the parents of family friends, address with specific names. However people are RSVP-ing back with several more than the invited number, in some cases 6-8. We are limited on our budget and space of the venue

 

Is there a tactful way to explain to these guests that space and money are limited, and invites were address specifically to the intended parties? HELP!

wifeandmommy0609

Have you tried Ask Carly?

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-questions.aspx

my suggestion is have your Maid of Honor and Best Man call or email the one's who have rsvped more then invited and have them explain that the invite was only for those addressed on the Envolpe..

best of luck

MelKN

It's an awkward thing to have to do, but you have to contact these people and tell them that due to space and budget constraints, you are forced to limit the guest list to only those whose names are on the invitations. You may feel rude doing this, but think of it this way: the people inviting multiple uninvited extras to your wedding are actually the ones being rude here! As long as you break the bad news gently and not in a huffy, offended way, most likely people will understand. I like the idea of having best man or maid of honor help make calls. In my case when this exact same thing happened, I enlisted the help of my parents, as the offenders were mostly their siblings. Best of luck to you!

mizjodi

reOver on Brides.com, there is the ultimate ettiquette guru/queen, Aunt of the Bride.  She has many scripts for many situations. I'm trying to find some more for you   Here's some of her suggestions for your case:

Here's your script. Remember, you want to keep it short.

"We don't need to entertain guests of guests."

"There are budget and space contraints."

"I'm sorry, but additional guests cannot be accommodated."

"I'd love to meet your new boyfriend, so let's plan to get together after the wedding."

"There will be plenty of people for you to talk to. I will put you at the same table as my cousin, who just got back from Hawaii. I know you love Hawaii, so you'll have lots in common."

"With so many interesting people coming (namely my family and friends) how can you possibly be bored all night?"

brew311

Ditto PP, it's just not possible due to budget, etc.  Also be prepared for the awkwardness and possibly some anger on their part.  They may even chose to change their response and not come (which may work out to your benefit?).  Good luck!

We just started getting back RSVPs and have yet to get the add-ons, but I'm prepared for it to happen...

nicoqtpi

Thanks everyone. I was really worrying about this. I spoke with my parents and they just don't understand. But they also came for a time when their parents paid the total cost and everyone who was anyone was invited. But we're paying for a large part and we really don't want any "strangers" there. We cut our list of 300 to half and did do by invited those who knew BOTH of us. 

I don't think the 6+ was malicious in any sense, but it think it needs to be explained tactfully, with great appreciation. My parents are being a bit unfortunate and refused to handle the situation with their friends. And said if I did that "you're risking a friendship our families have had since before you were born". So it was made very clear. I just feel like no one is respecting our situation

Thank everyone for suggestions, we'll see how it unfolds!

mizjodi

Also, if it helps you, especially with the parents, make the venue the "bad guy!" "Mom, dad, I understand you want everyone to come, but the venue space just doesn't allow for that many guests!"

mizjodi

FINALLY found the script I was looking for, for you!

Dear Comm,

Here is your script. 

"Hi, Marge, this is Ned Flanders, and I'm calling about the wedding. We just got your RSVP card back, and I am very happy that you and Homer will be able to attend. We are looking forward to seeing you. However, there's a problem. We invited you and Homer, but you indicted '5' people on the RSVP card. Who are those other three people?"

"We will bring Bart, Lisa and Maggie."

"I'm sorry, but Bart, Lisa and Maggie cannot be accommodated. We can only host you and Homer. Can you get a sitter for your kids that evening?"

(1)

"OK, I understand. We'll get a sitter and Homer and I will come by ourselves."

"Great. I'll put you and Homer down has having accepted. We are looking forward to seeing you, and we hope to see your lovely children at another time."

or 

(2)

"We always take our children everywhere. If Bart and Lisa can't come, then we won't be there."

"I'm sorry to hear that. In that case, I will have to note that you have 'declined'. We will miss seeing you at the wedding and hope to see you, and your lovely children, at another time."

"Oh, but we are not 'declining'. We will be there, but we have to bring our kids. We never leave them with sitters.

"I'm sorry, but your children are not invited and cannot be accommodated at the wedding. If you cannot leave them with a sitter, then I will have to assume you will not be there at all."

You must be crystal clear on the fact that uninvited guests cannot attend. Be as polite as possible, but make sure that point is communicated when you talk to your invited guests.