Feeling Guilty

CaitM322

My fiance and I finally found a place to have our wedding, and now my mother (who OFFERED to help pay since most guests are extended family and not really people I need at my wedding) is making me feel guilty about the cost.  "It's only one day" and "what about buying a house" are the two big lines she's used.  I'm the oldest of five, this is the first wedding in my entire family, and I've been working since I was 16 to pay my own way for nearly everything.  How do I combat the guilt, which is ruining the "being engaged" experience, and still make myself and my mother happy?  I'll take any advice!

hippolover

I would have a talk with her and tell her how you are feeling.  Maybe saying, I know its a lot of money and I understand if we don't pay for all these people, then we can start cutting people.  I would ask her what she feels that you spent too much on and see if you can cut that down or explain why it costs so much. 

The main thing is just be honest with your feelings and accept hers too. 

bczican77

I agree with hippolover. The best thing to do is talk to your mom. Maybe she doesn't realize that she is making you feel guilty.  I understand where she is coming from, because I also believe spending a ton of money on a wedding is just silly, but there has to be some sort of compromise. What if she just paid for what she feels comfortable with, then you and FI come up with the rest?  Or, maybe finding a cheaper place?  Has she given you any suggestions on where she would like to see the wedding take place?

I definitely think there is a compromise here, but the best thing to do is to talk to your mom so you can both see where the other is coming from. :-)

Heywhitney

Where are you getting married at?  Tell her that you are willing to cut the guest list and make it more affordable.  Feeling guilty about getting married is the farthest thing from what you should be feeling!  Talk to her and get a budget and then go forth!  Good luck!

TIffany Caldwell

My suggestion would be just sit down with your mom and talk about how much she can/wants to contribute!  I had to do this with my dad and now all of that stress is gone!  I am assuming you still have some time to plan the wedding so what my FI and I did was set up a joint savings account for the wedding and started putting money away to pay for a portion of the wedding our selves without going into debt.  We are now 6 months out from our wedding and have saved a good chunk of money that we will only need to use a small portion of for the wedding and the rest will go toward the Honeymoon! 

I am not sure what you and your FI do but believe me it is easier to save money then you think!  We started only eating out 2 times a month, planning ahead our meals for the week, taking homemade lunch to work and so on.  Just some thoughts!  Good luck you will be just fine and it is going to work out!