I've been engaged for about 3 weeks now. The night I got engaged, I texted all of my friends because I was so excited and I wanted to share the news. My best friend basically said congrats, and that was that. When I tried to talk to her over the past few weeks (not about the wedding, I didn't even mention the wedding) she was pretty short with me and she was basically just being really distant. I wasn't sure if it was jealousy because she was the last one in our group to not be engaged, or if it was just plain disinterest, but either way, my feelings were hurt.
I ended up hanging out with her last night and at first it was kind of awkward and I wasn't sure why.. but then in the car, on the way to dinner, she brought up what she's apparently wanted to say to me for weeks but had to wait until she "calmed down and got her feelings under control." She then just went on to say she was "extremely concerned" about our decision to get married, and brought up all these things that make her wonder whether we're ready. She actually said, "You know, after the wedding, you're going to be in a marriage, right?" She was saying we've never lived on our own before except for college, what if he doesn't get a good job after law school, she feels like maybe our parents are validating this and shouldn't be, etc. She said she felt like were skipping some big steps, such as living on our own (which I was never going to do... why would I move out of my parents house where I live for free and move into an apartment where I have to pay rent by myself?) and then living together. Not everyone lives together before marriage and honestly FI's mom would probably throw a fit because she's really religious. So while yes, some people do take those steps, they aren't mandatory steps that everyone should take before getting married.
Some of her concerns were valid, but she didn't say a single thing that FI and I haven't discussed and figured out. The conversation was awkward but after we had it, we were okay and I even asked her to be my MOH. So last night I was fine about everything. When I told FI about it, he got pretty mad and was saying she doesn't know us as a couple that well and that she went about it the wrong way and she should have been supportive and happy for me from the get go, and raised her concerns later, in a different way. He's mad at her for hurting my feelings. Like I said, last night I didn't really have an issue but when I woke up this morning, I started to really agree with him.
I feel like she was wrong to be so distant and totally unwilling to talk to me and it upsets me that she felt SO strongly that she was afraid she'd burst out and say something hurtful before she collected her thoughts. While I appreciate that she cares enough to be concerned, I almost feel like she was raising these concerns as though I'm a child and haven't thought this through. I'm an adult. I understand that life is hard, marriage is hard and things take work. I didn't enter into the decision to get married lightly, nor do I have some unrealistic fantasy about what married life is.
A few months before I got engaged, I told my friends I was starting to freak out and I guess they took it wrong, as though I wasn't sure about my FI and that wasn't the case at all.. it was that I was just starting to panic about the fact that my life was going to change a lot. Change scares me. I try to avoid it. However, some changes are necessary and while yes, I had a small panic episode, it wasn't doubt over my relationship... just a little uncertainty about what exactly the future holds. But nobody can predict exactly what the future holds, so I feel like that's normal.
After she and I had this talk, like I said, things were normal and she said she could get excited for me now and she asked if I knew what I was going to do about MOH (basically whether it would be her or one of my sisters.) So I was like, "Well, since you asked, will you be my maid of honor?" So she said yes and after that she was totally interested in all my plans.
I just can't shake the feeling that she just went about this in the wrong way and I'm upset. I don't want to say anything to her because what would it really do besides make things awkward again? I guess I just needed to vent. I'll get over it, but frankly, I feel like it's a best friend's job to support you in these kinds of things, unless the guy you're engaged to is an abusive alcoholic who beats you or something of that nature. Am I wrong to be a little hurt/upset about this?
