July 2012 Weddings

what shoes does your FI want to wear?

what shoes does your FI want to wear?

My FI wants to wear converse which is fine for the reception but I really want him to wear nice shoes to the ceremony. This has been quite a debate in our house. We are having a FORMAL evening ceremony. 
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Re: what shoes does your FI want to wear?

  • edited May 2011
    FI wants to wear round toe dress shoes.

    ETA: Didn't read your post right...so agreed that he can wear the shoes until ceremony and pics are done...then he can change his shoes. 
  • lol....this decision is so far away to us. We haven't even decided on colors yet so you can bet he hasn't decided on shoes.

    But I can see both sides. I feel like converse for the wedding party can be kinda cute and cheeky, but I keep seeing it more and more on photography blogs and think it's a bit overdone.

    I don't really think he can use the argument that it's 'more him' b/c I'm assuming he's wearing a suit or tux, correct? If he can wear a suit/tux he can wear formal dress shoes for an hour. 
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  • My FI and I went to Mens Wharehouse just to look and he said he considered those nice black and white shoes ( I forgot what they are called). They are formal and I do like them but I guess I would have to see it put together. It goes with our red, black and white colors, so it might be ok. I think he mentioned black converse too.
  • I'm wearing converse so we agreed I don't get much say on what's on his feets and I don't really care. I'm going to be looking at him, not his feet. He keeps saying he wants to wear his work boots or his skate shoes.

    I really have to ask, why does it matter  what shoes he has? As long as he's comfortable and he's there who cares.

    Also, I don't agree with the "he can wear formal shoes for an hour".  I literally cannot wear heels. I can't wear them for five minutes, let alone an hour. It's his feet, not yours. Fi doesn't want to wear dress shoes because they're uncomfortable. I refuse to wear heels because they aren't comfortable and I can end up crippled for days because it hurts my leg. On that note, I'm also letting my girls pick and choose their dress and shoes.
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  • @avsfan its not a matter of him being comfortable, he has comfy dress shoes. It doesn't go with our wedding at all. I want to be flexible and so, I am totally fine for the entire wedding party to wear them for the reception, I'd get glittery white ones. But I feel like he should be flexible too. I think it would be cute for the reception and adorable  for some pictures. But our ceremony is formal and at night and it will look stupid to have chucks during that part. My family is really conservative (southern christians) they will think it's childish  and dumb. I think it's a trend that MANY people will look back at think, "what were we thinking." 
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  • Meh, I'm not getting married for the purpose of pictures looking good. I highly doubt people will be focusing in on his feet and if they are it's incredibly petty.

    I highly doubt many people will look back thinking "what were we thinking". They chose those specific shoes because it's what they're comfortable wearing. Typically, the people who choose converse wear converse regularly. Does your entire wedding party want to wear converse for the reception? If you're making everyone wear the same shoes, you are technically required to pay for them. There are also pure black ones that many people wouldn't even notice.

    I seriously don't understand people being forced to wear shoes they don't want to wear just because it "doesn't go with our wedding". Is the fight really worth it? Besides, your wedding isn't until July 2012, he might change his mind by then. I wouldn't stress about it. In the end, you're marrying the person you love not his shoes.
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  • I think mine is wearing round-toed dress shoes.  His brothers (GMs) want to wear Chucks from what I hear.  I don't mind it as much, but I know hubby isn't into them as much.  
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_shoes-fi-want-wear?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:7dea366e-a26d-49ef-a9e5-29bd2cfcf452Post:93f11c7b-10b2-48e1-a569-03ef2554e1b3">Re: what shoes does your FI want to wear?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Meh, I'm not getting married for the purpose of pictures looking good. I highly doubt people will be focusing in on his feet and if they are it's incredibly petty. I highly doubt many people will look back thinking "what were we thinking". They chose those specific shoes because it's what they're comfortable wearing. Typically, the people who choose converse wear converse regularly. Does your entire wedding party want to wear converse for the reception?<strong> If you're making everyone wear the same shoes, you are technically required to pay for them.</strong> There are also pure black ones that many people wouldn't even notice. I seriously don't understand people being forced to wear shoes they don't want to wear just because it "doesn't go with our wedding". Is the fight really worth it? Besides, your wedding isn't until July 2012, he might change his mind by then. I wouldn't stress about it. In the end, you're marrying the person you love not his shoes.
    Posted by avsfan33[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Yes I quite understand that as I am paying for <u>everything</u> for the people in my bridal party from head to toe. I think anyone invited to or in a wedding should only have to show up to the party. I was just trying to make a compromise. It's not petty to think converse at a wedding is tacky. Its taste. I don't care what you choose to do for your wedding, rock the converse, but I do care what I do in mine. 

    </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_shoes-fi-want-wear?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:7dea366e-a26d-49ef-a9e5-29bd2cfcf452Post:87fdb559-97a4-4355-ba80-da39071b7c45">Re: what shoes does your FI want to wear?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI and I went to Mens Wharehouse just to look and he said he considered those <strong>nice black and white shoes </strong>( I forgot what they are called). They are formal and I do like them but I guess I would have to see it put together. It goes with our red, black and white colors, so it might be ok. I think he mentioned black converse too.
    Posted by fancieface[/QUOTE]

    <div>That sounds cool!</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_shoes-fi-want-wear?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:7dea366e-a26d-49ef-a9e5-29bd2cfcf452Post:1fa0632a-6fa1-48a6-9531-a3ef40a3d0e8">Re: what shoes does your FI want to wear?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: what shoes does your FI want to wear? : Yes I quite understand that as I am paying for everything for the people in my bridal party from head to toe. I think anyone invited to or in a wedding should only have to show up to the party. I was just trying to make a compromise. It's not petty to think converse at a wedding is tacky. Its taste. I don't care what you choose to do for your wedding, rock the converse, but I do care what I do in mine. 
    Posted by Heather Wood[/QUOTE]


    I actually said it's petty to get hung up on a pair of shoes, but okay. I'm glad you're paying for everything. It's typical for brides on these boards to think they can force their bridal party to wear what the bride wants and make them pay for it.

    I honestly don't care what you do for your wedding. You can do cartwheels barefoot down the aisle for all I care. I just think if you're going to get thing hung up on a pair of shoes, you're going to have a really long planning process. Maybe these shoes are something your FI really wants to wear but again you're not getting married for another year and a few months, his mind might change. Has he given you a reason as to why he doesn't want to wear dress shoes?
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  • Also, maybe try finding dress shoes that don't look like dress shoes? Maybe try finding a pair of the black and white ones. He might just want to wear something different.

    I googled converse dress shoes and there was a number of hits, maybe take a look. You might find a pair that you both like and it won't look like regular converse.
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  • Heatherwood*  I agree with you. I think I would like my FI to wear more formal shoes if the wedding is more formal. I thought about the converse idea but I don't know how it would look. Ya, those black and white formal dress shoes for men are nice too.
  • I understand not wanting to wear heels, but dress shoes do not equal heels! I'm planning on wearing either dressy flats or dressy flat sandals (b/c I'd be taller than FI in heels hehe). 

    And in my opinion, you can not compare heels to men's dress shoes. Heels have been proven to mess up your body, dress shoes have not. I just don't think chucks belong at a formal evening wedding. If it goes along with the theme of your event then by all means go ahead, but I think OP has a right to want him to wear dress shoes.
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  • I agree with OP.  I would ask him if he is willing to compromise: he can have his choice for the reception, but for the ceremony you would prefer for him to wear dress shoes (especially since it is formal).  I don't see why he can't wear them for that short amount of time.  I would want my FI to do the same.
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  • Gosh..I don't think my FI has even thought about his tux and what color tie he'll be wearing, let alone shoes.  I'm guessing he'll choose to wear dress shoes since he's never been to a wedding and seen any other options. 
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  • I agree with Heatherwood as well it would look tacky to have the bridal party or groom in converse at a formal wedding.  If you are not having a formal wedding then go for it!!!

    FI probably will just get the matching shoes that he can rent with his tux.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_shoes-fi-want-wear?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:7dea366e-a26d-49ef-a9e5-29bd2cfcf452Post:77c88336-c452-4b5d-95a3-fd37a08bd21b">Re: what shoes does your FI want to wear?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand not wanting to wear heels, but dress shoes do not equal heels! I'm planning on wearing either dressy flats or dressy flat sandals (b/c I'd be taller than FI in heels hehe).  And in my opinion, you can not compare heels to men's dress shoes. Heels have been proven to mess up your body, dress shoes have not. I just don't think chucks belong at a formal evening wedding. If it goes along with the theme of your event then by all means go ahead, but I think OP has a right to want him to wear dress shoes.
    Posted by MeaganR12[/QUOTE]

    Actually, you can compare dress shoes and heels. I don't find flats comfortable either and I'm not a fan of sandals. It's your opinion that they can't be compared and it's mine that they can be. I never mentioned anything about damage to feet and legs (other than my own because I have an existing medical condition), I'm discussing comfort. Dress shoes, shockingly, can be uncomfortable.

    I agree, she has a right to want him to wear dress shoes but he also has the right to be comfortable on their wedding day and have a say in what he gets to wear. I suggested looking into different shoes. Maybe he just doesn't want boring shoes. Maybe look into the black and white shoes. And again, the wedding is over a year away. His mind is most likely going to change. Why does everyone keep skipping that point? Formal wedding or not, a fight over a pair of shoes nobody will remember is not worth it. In the end, is your wedding going to be over because he wore chucks instead of dress shoes?  No, it's not. At the end of the ceremony, they'll be married regardless of his shoes.

    Heatherwood - If he's not budging, maybe drop it for awhile and try discussing it later. Has he given a reason for the chucks?
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  • Also, I'm curious what everyone is classifying as formal.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_shoes-fi-want-wear?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:7dea366e-a26d-49ef-a9e5-29bd2cfcf452Post:a38fbc65-36a2-4e29-8c46-4bedd698b3f1">Re: what shoes does your FI want to wear?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: what shoes does your FI want to wear? : <strong>I actually said it's petty to get hung up on a pair of shoes, but okay</strong>. I'm glad you're paying for everything. It's typical for brides on these boards to think they can force their bridal party to wear what the bride wants and make them pay for it. I honestly don't care what you do for your wedding. You can do cartwheels barefoot down the aisle for all I care. I just think if you're going to get thing hung up on a pair of shoes, you're going to have a really long planning process. Maybe these shoes are something your FI really wants to wear but again you're not getting married for another year and a few months, his mind might change. Has he given you a reason as to why he doesn't want to wear dress shoes?
    Posted by avsfan33[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>First, I'm trying to make a compromise. Thats what you do in a marriage, you dont say, "too bad so sad don't care about your feelings so i'm doing...." All I said in the OP was that it's a topic of debate in our house. </div><div>
    </div><div>The converse are not his choice because they are comfortable but because he thinks they look cool. My compromise is fine wear them to our STILL VERY FORMAL reception. You can't even get into a club in LV wearing chucks so how appropriate can they be for a wedding!</div><div>
    </div><div>Next, FYI, formal weddings mean black tie. My BM are wearing floor length gowns. We are getting married at 7 at night at sundown. Jewish/christian (hey look compromise again!) ceremony followed by a sit down, also more formal, dinner. Our wedding is going to cost a LOT of money...might not be a ton to some people but our amazing parents offered to give us money they worked very hard for. Both of our families agree the idea is not appropriate. I dont want some stupid tend, that really will end up just like Puffed sleeved wedding gowns circa 1980. People WILL think oh lord, can't even act like a grown up at their own wedding. </div><div>
    </div><div>I hate the idea BUT I am more than willing to compromise. </div><div>
    </div><div>Furthermore, the intent of my post was to ask everyone else what they were planning on doing. I didn't think I would have to argue with you. July 2012 notties are supportive and offer helpful suggestions, for next time!</div><div>
    </div><div>Good luck with the planning 

    </div>
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  • Wow seriously, slow your roll. Nobody is arguing, I was telling you what I was doing which like you said, was what you asked in your OP. I also wasn't talking about you in the bolded part, I was talking about the people that you insist will judge your FI for a pair of shoes. It is petty. Sure, it might look tacky or whatever you want to call it, but seriously it's a pair of shoes.

    Yes, marriage is about compromise. But again, why don't you let it go for a few weeks, cool down and go back to it. For the hundredth time, your wedding is a year away. A year away. Do I need to say it again? He will probably change his mind on the pair of shoes that he will be wearing a year from now.

    Yes, July 2012 knotties are supportive. But most month boards are supportive. I can guarantee you, if you asked this question on another board, you'd get some similar answers to what I'm giving you. Especially the fact that your wedding is a year away and to let it go for now. 


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