Am I allowed to vent here...

bigjajapoof

About FI's MOH?

Bride_to_be_2011

But of course! That is why we are here

miguelhilary2010

Spill it!

bigjajapoof

Ok first, a little back story.

So Jasmine and I have been engaged for almost 2 years. As soon as I proposed she right away called the girl who would be her MOH. They were both excited blah blah blah. I was a little shocked she picked this girl as her MOH but at the same time, knew it wasn't an issue since they've been friends since they were girls. The reason she was her MOH was when they were kids they promised to be each others MOH for the wedding. Jas doesn't like to break promises no matter what. Needless to say, that is biting her in the ass right now.

Fast Forward to this past april. She finally figured out what Bridesmaid dresses she wanted and they all went out to the Alfred Angelo store in Whitehall. There the MOH picked out her dress but didn't have much money for a deposit, so Jas helped her out with intentions of getting her monies back. Fast Forward to June. All the girls dresses came in and so we were already out in the area since we were heading to Dorney Park, so Jas paid the remainder of the dresses and all of the girls paid her back upon picking them up....except the MOH.

Now here's where i'm pissed off. The dress was $143.10. The girl refuses to drive or catch the bus to us because she either claims it's too far, or she has no gas money. We live in Lansdowne and she lives in North Philly near Olney Ave. So they made arrangement this past weekend. We were going to drive to her parents place (Wyncote) and chill out over there and wait for the MOH to come and pick up the dress and drop the money off. They confirmed that morning and life was good. Around 4pm, Jas sends her a text message asking what time she's going to be here. MOH replies that she won't be able to come because she's going out to dinner with her mom. Annoyed me because I could've been doing other things instead of hanging out with FMIL. I have a feeling the girl doesn't have the money, won't have the money and Jasmine is going to be out $143.10. Yes that's not really alot of money per se. But when you're trying to pay for a wedding every little bit counts.

The girl is completely incompetent and absolutely SUCKS at doing what a MOH is suppose to do. I nicely told Jas that she needs to have a serious talk with this girl and let her know that she needs to pay her the money by a certain date. Also that she needs to step down as the MOH because she's doing the opposite of everything the MOH is suppose to do. She's causing you unnecessary stress and I can't imagine her being useful at all. She has another girl in her party that is on a teaching assignment in California that is more useful and better suited as the MOH.

[/vent]

miguelhilary2010

Unfortunately this type fo behavior happens all the time.  I'm sure its frustrating for Jas, but especially for you because you have to sit and watch it as a bystander.  If you don't know MOH well, there is nothing you can do.  Your FI will have to handle her friend.

Sorry you're so aggrivated by the situation!

samanthas8882

I agree she should pay you back but asking her to step down is a bad idea. It will create unnecessary drama. The other bridesmaids can behave more like a "MOH" without actually being that person.

You might end up paying for the 140 but just soak it up to an experience. I wouldn't want your wedding being a fiasco for that cash. It isn't worth it.

And I would let your FI handle it - it is her friend; not yours.

ooodsie

Agree with pp ... Most of us have a similar story unfortunately (I sure do!).  It's too late to turn back now, no point in asking her to stop down - but just don't expect much of her.  If she still needs to plan a bach party, or other duties, you may just want to make sure the other girls are in the know and can step up to help. 

In regards to the money, honestly I would chalk it up as a loss and if you get it back, great.. My BM's were from various locations and so they had all ordered together at the Davids near my house when we were together one day.  So when they came in I made the same mistake of paying for them when I went with one BM to pick them up.  Everyone was going to pay me back at the bach party, but one forgot.. She mentioned it at the time, so I didn't say anything else other than it was fine, get me another time.  Later on closer to the wedding she still forgot.. I wasn't going to harp on it, so I just let it go.  Whether she did it on purpose or not, I don't really care - I just added it on as one more expense to the wedding.  Wasn't worth fighting over at the time.

I say this all the time ... weddings really make you see who your true friends are and re-evaluate friendships with people you THOUGHT were good friends.

LaRositaMonita

Ditto Sam 100%.  Weddings always bring out people's true colors, and it's frustrating that Jasmine's friend is causing her so much annoyance.  That said, asking her to step down as maid of honor will reall yjust be fuel for other people's gossip and will likely destroy that friendship.  Just not worth it.  Is there someone else in the bridal party that Jas can vent to who might be willing to pick up the slack?  As far as the money goes...it's a shame, but you might just be out that cash.  I had the exact same issue with my SIL, who not only didn't pay for her own dress nor her daughter's (who was my flower girl - luckily MIL gladly picked up most of that cost) but also never gave us a wedding gift of any kind  I understand that money can't be really tight, and I expected little to nothing from my bridesmaids, but what can you do.  Some people are just like that....like sam and ooods said, lesson learned, as frustrating as that is. 

Either way, we feel your pain, poof.