Unicorns and glitterrrrrrr

paprika28

Not really, but I got your attention.


I know the general consensus is that if you send someone a STD, then an invitation is implied. However, here's my situation. 2 or 3 years ago, I used to be really close to a group of friends. We'll call them Kate, Chris, Jess, Mike and Paul. My bridesmaid, S is dating K who used to be best friends with these guys as well. However, over the past year, our lives and friendships have really drifted apart. I sent them STD's when we were all closer, but lately, things are just terrible. I haven't actually talked to any of those with the full names in months- not even a text or a stinkin' facebook comment.

I kinda feel like if I sent invitations to them, they would come just to drink, rather than to celebrate with us. Mike and Paul are big drinkers, and there's no way that they're coming just to celebrate. Kate and Chris are dating, but I don't know Chris that well... Jess and Mike are dating, and have been together for 3 or 4 years now, and Jess gets frustrated because Mike doesn't want to do anything else but party, and they end up arguing all the time. Paul is just a hot mess of drama now, and between all of it, I feel like I don't want any of it at our wedding. It's not even a situation where I could invite just Kate and Chris, because they're such good friends with Mike, Jess and Paul.

Would it be totally inappropriate for me to either not send them invitations, or only send them invitations if we get a bunch of rejections? I know, etiquette states that we have to invite them, but I'd rather invite strangers. Boo.

No flaming, please.

mana8503

Oh wow, uh I have no answer...  That's really hard.  I think you have valid reasons for not inviting.  Do you think they remind when the wedding is and would be like WTF no invite?  Or... worse case, crash the wedding?

amy727

When did you send out STD's?  Also do you think they feel the same way that basically your friendship isn't as strong as it used to be? 

paprika28

Well, because we're right between holidays, and most of our friends work retail and need to put requests in super early, (two weekends after black friday?) we sent them out last December. Kate and Chris got theirs in March. (I lost her address) I know, I sent them too early... now would have sufficed. But, I got a killer deal on them, and got anxious.

I think they do recognize that our friendship is nowhere near what it used to be... I mean, Paul and I always had that weird flirty relationship, and obvously, it's no longer. Jess and Mike and I were friends because of Paul, and Kate and Chris as well. Since I don't really ever talk to Paul anymore...

I'm just confused. Would it be somewhat acceptable to send invites out a little earlier, and if we get 5 declines, then invite them? No one else from that circle of 'friends' is invited.

PS- They're all best friends with my ex fiance. Who is S's brother. Awkward?

amy727

The reason I ask how long ago is because they might realize now that they aren't going to be invited.  I'm sure I'll get flamed, but I wouldn't send them an invite.  Why should you invite someone that you haven't talked in the longest time. 

spanglerwedding2012

I agree with Amy. I know - etiquette says they should be invited. Since they got the STD's, I'm sure they are expecting to be invited. But it is your wedding - YOU get decide who you do (and do not) wish to be there. If you think it's just going to be awkward or there's potential drama, that's your call.

Weddings are expensive - not everyone can be invited, unfortunately. But those that do come, you want them to be an important part of your life. I guess you should evaluate the relationship. Are they people that are important to you even thought you don't talk anymore? If you couldn go either way - I say send out your invites and if you get rejections, then invite the group. It's just too difficult trying to make everyone happy w/wedding planning. Do what's best for you. But if you don't invite them, be prepared for people to be offended and maybe even to lose those friendships.

Bean32

I would say that if you are okay with the drifting apart of your friendships, then don't invite them. If getting close to them again is important to you, then invite them. You still have a few months to figure this out. I would see how your relationships play out ove the course of the next few months.

spanglerwedding2012

That's a good point, Bean.

That's kind of what I was thinking too - If you're ok with drifting apart and maybe even losing the friendship, don't invite. But if they are important to you even though you havent spoken, I'd wait and see - and maybe even still send out an invitation.

paprika28

Thanks guys. I think I'll play it by ear for the next three months... the invitations will be going out in October, so I'll decide last minute.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_unicorns-glitterrrrrrr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:105Discussion:ab562ef0-6380-45aa-959b-e39469e3d9d3Post:b3d35c9f-3729-42f0-85d1-f20e62f52f62">Re: Unicorns and glitterrrrrrr</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with Amy. I know - etiquette says they should be invited. Since they got the STD's, I'm sure they are expecting to be invited. But it is your wedding - YOU get decide who you do (and do not) wish to be there. 
Posted by spanglerwedding2012[/QUOTE]

<div>The thing is she <em><u>DID </u></em>decide who to invite when she sent the STD.  No one forced her to send STDs <em><u>WAY </u></em>too early or to send them to these people.  </div><div>
</div><div>Note: I sent mine almost a year out, but only to overseas people.  I didn't want to get caught up in a situation of we had to cut the list or I was no longer close with people etc.  </div><div>
</div><div>Personally I would try and get together with them now and see how it plays out.  </div><div>I will also say there are many people at my small wedding, 100 people, who I barely talked to.  I'm not really sure how one celebrates "you" in the correct way.  I would invite them. </div>

paprika28

By how someone 'celebrates us' I basically mean that they'll be completely trashed before the cocktail hour is over. Paul will probably bring one of his 'flavors of the week', they'll end up fighting, (as they always do, in public) and Jess will start nagging Mike about when they're getting married, he'll get pissed, they'll fight, she'll cry, and if I don't spend time with her in the bathroom, I'll be a bad friend. Mike will be at the bar by this time, pounding shots with Paul, and Chris will come join them, just because he's their friend. Jess and Kate will come out of the bathroom to see all of the guys at the bar, and WW3 commences.


PS- this is what happened at the last wedding we were all at.
 
I'm genuinely tired of the drama that circulates around them. We don't talk because some of us have taken a different path in life... (ie- marriage, K & S are having a baby together, etc) and these guys still focus on getting trashed every weekend. I honestly didn't realize this about them until I took some time away from everyone with some family issues.

I swear, I'm not just being 'oh, I don't talk to you, I'm not inviting you', but our wedding is less than 80 people to begin with, and obviously, a situation like this would be not only highly noticeable, but slightly embarassing, kwim?

Like I said, I'll wait it out till October. If things don't change, I'll figure out how to handle it then.