NWR- Vent before I explode. Long.

paprika28

This may go wedding related near the end, because I'm so confused, it's ridiculous.

CN- My parents split, mom moved out, we used to be close, but since she left, I can't really handle being around her. She's crazy. Almost certifiably, except she won't go to a psych to confirm it. She's now friends with my exH. I'm going crazy.

I get on FB on Friday morning, only to discover that my mom and exH are friends now. And he's been commenting on her page, calling her 'momma B' and telling her that he's had fun (line) dancing with her, and when are they going again? She's been trying to get back in to my life again after she left my dad, (and left me there to pick up the pieces for her) and has been trying to turn me against my dad ever since. I don't talk to her often, but because of DD, I kinda have to see her every now & then. I know I can't pick and choose who she's friends with on FB, but really? My exH? After everything she knows about him and how badly he hurt me? Smooth move, mom.

She's always been very controlling. By very controlling, I mean that I honestly wouldn't have gotten married the first time if it wasn't for her. (Think, emotionally abusive type- never physically, but psychologically) She was very pushy, and kinda had me 'brainwashed' to an extent, to do anything to make her happy. FI has commented numerous times that he's so proud of how much more independent I've become in the past few months, even more standing up for myself & making my own decisions.

I'm petrified to let her in on any of the wedding planning- when I showed her my shoes, all she could do was wrinkle her nose and give me this snotty attitude. 'Red shoes? You're wearing red shoes? Are you a hooker?' Yeah. That's love, right there.

Now, she's trying to dress DD, texting me telling me that she's bought her all these frilly clothes, (I don't ever put her in frilly stuff, besides her baptism, and Easter last year.) I'll hear hell if I don't put her in them, and I'm pissed.

miguelhilary2010

I'm sorry.  I think when people lose contact with ones they love, they'll do anything to weasel their way back in.  They're grasping at straws (or people) to find some connection to bring them back in the loop.

You're mom's differing taste from yours sounds like..... a mom   Try not to let it get to you too much.  Without knowing you or her personally, it seems like she's just forming opinions/tastes from what she likes and isn't being considerate of you.  Maybe she really just doesn't know who you are right now.

Please don't explode.  You just came back from a wonderful long weekend away.

LadyJ10

How incredibly frustrating. I don't really have a response other than it sounds like your mom isn't the most awesome person to have in your life right now, and I'm so glad that you have a wonderful and supportive FI!

paprika28

Thanks guys. I guess after this weekend and everything she's been up to, I see where all of my stress is built around.

MH- it does sound like a mom... at times. Other times, the things she says just blows me away. Not necessarily about any wedding planning, but more about me personally. She's a big fan of personal attacks to make herself feel better.

miguelhilary2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_nwr-vent-before-explode-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:105Discussion:b9a79e67-242f-4421-87e7-48dad214aebePost:dcb499e2-0e17-46b4-811a-e7dba465eb1d">Re: NWR- Vent before I explode. Long.</a>:
[QUOTE] She's a big fan of personal attacks to make herself feel better.
Posted by paprika28[/QUOTE]

Knowing this should make it easier to ignore her.  Keep telling yourself that it's not you, it's her. her. her. her. her. 

FutureMrsTCT

Deep breaths. And for the record red shoes are fine, just ask Nicole! I'd offer up more encourament, but moms are tough when you have a good relationship with them, let alone an estranged one. Lean on FI, it seems like he's already 100% supportive, and I'm sure he can help where we can't- RL HUGS!
Ps- if you need to chat, just email/fb me.