Cheating Poll

rachelk456

One of my good friends was getting married in 2012 and she recently found out that her FI had been cheating on her with one of their good friends. She broke it off with him, and is doing surprisngly well. This sparked an interesting conversation between myself and FI and I just thought I'd ask you about some of the things we discussed. Obviously, feel free to not answer any questions that make you uncomfortable. 

What do you consider cheating?

Have you ever cheated on someone?

Have you ever been cheated on? What was the outcome?

Would you end a relationship due to cheating?

What circumstances would determine whether or not you could forgive the person?

What would be worse to you, the physical act or an emotional connection with the person they cheated with?

ButtonsPepper

What do you consider cheating? Physically being intamite with someone or "sexting" or any internet dirty talk.

Have you ever cheated on someone? No

Have you ever been cheated on? What was the outcome? Not that I know of, but I did catch an ex try to cheat on me... girls just weren't interested.

Would you end a relationship due to cheating? Yes, but it really depends the sevarity/how often, etc. And what type of relationship. Dating/engaed for sure 100%, unless i had a kid with them, Then that falls into the if i'm married, it would really depend. If he kissed some chick while drunk no, if he made a conceous decision to sleep with someone else, yes. etc.

What circumstances would determine whether or not you could forgive the person? See above

What would be worse to you, the physical act or an emotional connection with the person they cheated with? Physical. I don't care if DH is close with other women, just like he would be with men. If it got intimate even by conversation that's where it crosses a line.

miguelhilary2010

What do you consider cheating?  Any touching further than a hug/kiss on the cheek.  I do consider emotional realtionships cheating, but that's harder to define.

Have you ever cheated on someone? Yes. Cheated on college bf with HS sweetheart.  Not that it made it right, but I was in love with HS guy, and just dating college guy.

Have you ever been cheated on? What was the outcome?  YES. I dumped them.  No drama.

Would you end a relationship due to cheating?  Un-married, yes 100% of the time.  Married, I would at least talk it out... but probably.

What circumstances would determine whether or not you could forgive the person?  ONS is gross but somewhat forgivable.  Carrying on an affair (repeat offender) is unforgivable IMO.

What would be worse to you, the physical act or an emotional connection with the person they cheated with?  Probably the physical act... #1 its skeevy, and #2 it's behaving like an animal.  At least if they emotionally cheat, it may have been worth it because they were filling a void somehow.

rachelk456

What do you consider cheating?Anything physical, kissing etc. Or any kind of secretive interactions with a woman, even if it didn't go as far as being physical
Have you ever cheated on someone?Nope
Have you ever been cheated on? What was the outcome?Nope
Would you end a relationship due to cheating?In most situations, yes.
What circumstances would determine whether or not you could forgive the person?I could maybe forgive if it was a one time impulsive thing that wasn't as far as sex and if the guy felt awful about it. I could not forgive something that was reoccuring. It would be a tough call if kids were invovled.
What would be worse to you, the physical act or an emotional connection with the person they cheated with?FI and I disagreed on this part. I think in my mind, I seperate emotional and physical more than he does. When we started dating, he was still in a relationship (I assumed they were broken up) and he didn't actually cheat on her with me, in fact he was completely honest about what he was doing with me. But still, something about that never sat well with me. He didn't lie, but I always thought it was odd that she didn't want to break up even though he was essentially dating someone else already. We've talked about it a lot, and I guess it's a situation I'll never really understand. I didn't know the girl well and I think her insecurity about herself added to them staying together longer than they should have.

FutureMrsTCT

What do you consider cheating? I can agree with Buttons on that one, any physical activity, sexting (oh lawdy!) or emails/fb, general online "sexting".

Have you ever cheated on someone? Nope. Wouldn't ever do that to someone. I have the balls to break it off with someone if it's not working out.

Have you ever been cheated on? What was the outcome? Yes. Middle School got a bj from my "best friend" - broke both relationships on that one. I'm 85% sure my ex before FI cheated on me with one of my college "friends". I don't have a whole lot of tangible proof, but teh circumstancal evidence is pilled up.
Would you end a relationship due to cheating? Absolutely. It's more about the lack of trust and honesty that bothers me, as opposed to the you couldn't keep your d!ck to yourself part.

What circumstances would determine whether or not you could forgive the person?  Honestly, I'm not sure I ever could. If there were kids involved, and we were married, I might try - but I really don't think I could forgive it enough to continue the relationship.

What would be worse to you, the physical act or an emotional connection with the person they cheated with? Cheating is cheating, emotional or physical it still breaks the trust that is supposed to be there.

On a side note this topic was brought up on Elvis Duran in the morning ( P&S were on commercial) and they asked would it be worse if it was opposite or same sex. Then the next day Danny Bonaduce was asking the same thing!
So which is worse: Same sex or opposite sex?
Honestly, I almost would rather same sex. Then it would be along the lines of - oh, he likes men and that's why he did what he did. (I've also dated a in the closet at the time gay man - so that could be why).

ooodsie

What do you consider cheating?  All of the physical aspects + anything that is sneaky like hiding phonecalls to another girl even if nothing bad occured.  
Have you ever cheated on someone?  Yes, unfortunately
Have you ever been cheated on? What was the outcome?  Yes, and we broke up
Would you end a relationship due to cheating?  Would I end a dating relationship?  Yes, 100% ... Would I end my Marriage?  That would depend on the severity of the cheating.  What circumstances would determine whether or not you could forgive the person?  The severity/length of time/how many times, etc
What would be worse to you, the physical act or an emotional connection with the person they cheated with?   The emotional connection.

RecoveringActor

What do you consider cheating?
I agree with BP.  Anything that's more than a honest-to-Pete friendly peck... or any emails/texts that suggest emotional intimacy

Have you ever cheated on someone?
When I was with my first boyfriend... I went to the movies with a group of friends.  I hadn't seen my boyfriend in 4 months and I liked one of the people I went to the movies with, and he kissed me.  The next day I broke up with my first boyfriend.  So I guess techincally, yes.

Have you ever been cheated on? What was the outcome?
Yes.  He broke up with me because he felt so guilty about cheating on me... I found out after the fact and ripped him a new one.  And we were in a show together... so we had to spend every day together for the next 2 weeks.  The last night of the show, I met Gzilla.

Would you end a relationship due to cheating?
Yes.  Absolutely.  I know that it would be harder for a marriage... I would be more willing to work things out.  but that didn't exactly work for my parents, so I don't have high expectations.

What circumstances would determine whether or not you could forgive the person?
That's difficult.  It would depend on the person it was with... what happened, etc.

What would be worse to you, the physical act or an emotional connection with the person they cheated with?
An emotional connect.  I think I would be more want to forgive if it was just the physical act with no emotional connect.  When you have that emotional connection... then I feel like you really can say "what does that person have that I don't?"

LadyJ10

What do you consider cheating? Anything kissing/physical beyond normal friendly contact, any conversations that are risque, or that you wouldn't be willing to share the contents of with your S/O.

Have you ever cheated on someone?

No. Once I got physical with an ex while he was dating someone else, but I didn't know it at the time and haven't spoken to him since I found out.

Have you ever been cheated on? What was the outcome?
Yes, we broke up, but it was coming anyway (HS bf and we went to different colleges).

Would you end a relationship due to cheating?
I have and I would.

What circumstances would determine whether or not you could forgive the person?
The type of cheating, what lead them to cheat, where we were in our relationship.

What would be worse to you, the physical act or an emotional connection with the person they cheated with? I honestly don't know!

Same sex v. opposite sex? I would probably be more hurt if he cheated with another woman, although there would definitely be more questions to answer about our relationship and his sexuality if he cheated with a guy.

jackiebean26

What do you consider cheating?  ditto oodsie <<<<All of the physical aspects + anything that is sneaky like hiding phonecalls to another girl even if nothing bad occured.>>>>

Have you ever cheated on someone? yes, but we were just 'dating' it wasnt serious at all

Have you ever been cheated on?  3 of my exes actually. What was the outcome? dumped them, no questions asked.

Would you end a relationship due to cheating? yes- ditto mh though, if your married, i would at least talk it out, but im sure in the end it would be over.

What circumstances would determine whether or not you could forgive the person? depends on the details of the situation

What would be worse to you, the physical act or an emotional connection with the person they cheated with?   i would say emotional, but i think both are pretty equal.

paprika28

What do you consider cheating? Anything that has to be hidden. Whether it's a kiss, text messages, an emotional affair, or sex.

Have you ever cheated on someone? Yes. 2 different people. The first was my ex husband, after I found out he cheated on me. With a man. The second was DD's dad, and that was after he cheated on me with his son's mother, sent dirty texts & naked pictures to another 2 women.

Have you ever been cheated on? Yes. See above.  What was the outcome? Obviously, its my ex h, & ex bf.

Would you end a relationship due to cheating? yup.

What circumstances would determine whether or not you could forgive the person? I couldn't.

What would be worse to you, the physical act or an emotional connection with the person they cheated with? the emotional connection.

Stacylynn702

What do you consider cheating?  Anything you wouldn't do in front of your SO.

Have you ever cheated on someone? Going by my definition,  yes.  I wound up sleeping in the same bed with an ex while dating another ex.  I had no intention and was rather intoxicated.  He wound up putting the moves on me and then I called him by my boyfriend at the time's name so he backed off.  I didn't even remember but he called me a few days later to try to get back together with me.  He told me what happened.  I was embarrassed but told him that I didn't think starting up again was a good idea (we had gotten together and broken up way too many times). 

Have you ever been cheated on?  Yes, twice.  By both of the guys in the above answer.  What was the outcome?     They were my only 2 bfs before DH.  I stopped seeing the first but we wound up getting back together on and off.  The second guy told me he cheated on me while he was breaking up with me.  I didn't care too much about the second one though b/c I had already tried to break up with him numerous times but he always cried and made me feel bad so we'd always "work on it".  It was actually a blessing.

Would you end a relationship due to cheating?  Yes if we were dating.  I feel like marriage is different.  I would probably want couples counseling most likly with a priest.  I love my husband though and I know he loves me so I'm trusting that he would never do that to me.  He knows that he's the only guy who never cheated on me.  If it was sex though, I don't know if I would ever want him to touch me again though.

What circumstances would determine whether or not you could forgive the person?  Marriage and the details of his relationship with the other person would have to not be too bad.  He would have to be truly sorry.  This is just for marriage though.

What would be worse to you, the physical act or an emotional connection with the person they cheated with?  I think they're both wrong but like I said if he slept with another woman or partook in any sexual activity, I would be disgusted, I'm getting sick thinking about it.  I'm glad this is the last question.