North Carolina-Outer Banks
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FMIL is driving me to drink!!!

Okay Ladies,
I need your help on an issue with my FMIL. Let me start at the beginning:

When we first were making our wedding budget and dividing up who would pay for what, FMIL offered to pay for flowers and the rehearsal dinner. I’ve been working with her along with the florists and checking with her about the costs. She agreed to, and paid deposit to, the florist we finally chose. So, I’m thinking everything is good, we are set on the flowers.

Then last night happened……She tells me she wants to talk about the centerpieces. She’s decided that she wants to make the centerpieces. She said she talked to her friend who told her the cost is too much per centerpiece and she can make them herself for much cheaper. (They are $75 each).

Here is my problem with this. I’m not really sure they will end up costing that much less once she buys all the materials. Then she’s going to have to lug all the vases and materials down to OBX with her and sit there on the day of our wedding making them (they have sand & water in them so they can’t be pre-made). Also, I like our florist (who is also an event designer btw) and I know that I trust her more to make the tables look classy and expensive, not cheap and cheesy- as I think FMIL’s will look (if her house décor is a reflection of her decorating taste, I am scared). I just really would rather order them from the florist and not have to worry on my wedding day about something this stupid. But I’m not sure if I have the energy to fight her on this either. It is important to me, and I did spend time figuring out how we wanted to tables to look, so I’m reluctant to just give up on it. I hate having to fight her on something that I feel should be my decision as the bride. But I’m also just really tired of butting heads over stuff with her, it’s exhausting. So, I’m not sure what to do.

HELP! What would you do?

Trying to Conceive Ticker

Re: FMIL is driving me to drink!!!

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    edited December 2011
    Oh my, I am a FMIL but I hope I am doing nothing like this.

    My first thoughts are that your FI needs to take care of this.  He knows his mom better and will be able to persuade her or at least I think so.

    If you have to have the conversation, I would suggest approaching by letting her know that you want her to enjoy her son's special day as much as the two of you.  She needs to know that the frustration of getting the flowers ready, etc. could be too much for her to enjoy this special day.  You could even throw in something like needing her help with the GM or whatever.  Assign her a task that will interfer with making centerpieces - perhaps that will push her to your florist.

    Good luck.  I know I have been very involved with OBX2011's planning but I try to step back and let it be about her and her FI.  As I have said to others, it is my daughter's day and she has the final say.  (or at least that is what I am telling her)
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto... let your FI fight that battle.  Shirley will make your tables look fabulous while keeping the stress on herself and off of you and your FMIL on the wedding day.

    Lugging a bunch of stuff to the OBX will be a PITA.  I also don't know that she'll have the time on the wedding day to set everything up before your wedding while still having enough time to get ready herself and see her son before he walks down the aisle. 
    image
    06.24.11 OBX, NC
    Planning Bio
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    sarahebrownsarahebrown member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Totally agree 100%! But what do I tell her?? Should I lie and say the florist said it wasn't possible to change the contract or something? Or do I have to bite the bullet and tell her that I just don't want her to do them? Either way I will feel terrible because despite the annoyance, she is awesome and I know deep down she only wants to help.
    Trying to Conceive Ticker
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    edited December 2011

    I'd have your FI do it if at all possible... he can be more blunt than you since she's his mother.  If it's a financial decision on her part driving her to make the offer, I'd volunteer to pay for the centerpieces as well.  She probably won't take you up on it, but it's a nice gesture.

    If you have to do it, I'd just tell her you feel bad changing the contract on Shirley after using her ideas and guidance to virtually take her idea and then do it yourself. 

    image
    06.24.11 OBX, NC
    Planning Bio
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    JAK33JAK33 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Bummer, I know how that feels.  I agree with everyone who posted- you need to make your FI speak up on this one.  You don't need to talk with her at all.  Explain to him how you feel, he should hopefully be on your side.  Then ask him to chat with his mom and make your feelings clear without hurting hers.  If it is a money thing- and too much for them to pay, ask for whatever they are comfortable with and try and downscale the centerpieces or come up with the difference yourself. 

    One thing I decided early on, is that it is our day and no one else's.  While I greatly appriciate any type of assistance (monetary or otherwise) it should come without any hitches ("I will pay for your flower centerpieces only if I can make and design them", etc).  It is your dream day, politely stick to your guns and hopefully people who love and respect you will understand your vision and reasons...hopefully!  
     

    Oh yeah, it is JKramas by the way, new username!
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    sarahebrownsarahebrown member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks J, I like the new username! I will have FI talk to her then. He's much better with conflict than I am anyway. I'll keep you girls posted on the outcome.

    Again, I must say- OBX brides are the best!
    Trying to Conceive Ticker
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    OBX2011OBX2011 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP's....totally let the FI talk to momma about this one.

    Wait...who has a new screen name?  Is that JKramas's alter ego?  LOL



    BoderBoo:  "(or at least that is what I am telling her)"  Ohhhhh, so you wanna be funny now, huh?  Yeaaaa ok, I see how it is now!  Remember, I know where you live woman!  LOL  <3

     

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    JAK33JAK33 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Yep, it's me!!  My alter ego :)

    I started to get worried about my FMIL finding me too easily to be honest!

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