At Home Ceremony... OBX Reception?

Scheff725

Hi All- I am in need of your opinions here, I'm sorry its so long!..

FI and I are extremely torn. We both want to get married in OBX, on the beach, at our house with family and friends. However, we have some elderly family that we feel we would put undue stress on to ask to travel that far and it is super important they are there with us.

So, our thought was to have our Ceremony in our back yard, with a tent and decorations and do an appetizer/desert/coffee bar rather than dinner. We would likely do it either early afternoon or evening and it would be a short celebration just so our entire family and group of friends can attend. Then, we would plan to leave for OBX the following weekend and have our reception there with whomever can attend. We would have it catered, and have a DJ and hire a photographer for a few hours and celebrate!

Our other concern is FI's family is somewhat against alcohol, while my family thinks the alcohol makes the party. We thought by having two separate celebrations, one with alcohol and one without, we could embrace both sides of our families.

Help! Does anyone have any suggestions or concerns with doing things this way that I may be blind to at the moment? I truly appreciate you all taking the time to read this and offer your thoughts... thank you thank you!

ldybug78

hmm, sounds like you have a dilemna.  When you picture your wedding, is it in your backyard or in the OBX?  Will you regret having it at one or the other?  I suggest talking to them about the travel- you never know, they may want to go to the beach and this is a good excuse for them to go. 

ldybug78

Oh and the alcohol thing- do what you both want, not what any family member wants. 

Scheff725

I definitely picture it in the OBX. But having both grandmothers there is very important to me, and they cannot travel due to health concerns (immobility). A plane would be too difficult and the drive is 13 hours. So we are unsure of what to do with that situation...

And the alcohol thing is pretty extreme both ways and it would make both my FI and I super uncomfortable, unfortunately. A dry wedding wouldn't be what we would want, but my family can get pretty rowdy and I would be worrying about that through the reception...

Oye, Families. haha

ldybug78

Elope- haha just kidding.
That is a tough situation with your grandmothers.  What do your parents and your FIs parents think about it?

You won't please everyone and someone will complain no matter what you choose to do.  I personally loathe dry weddings.  It's not like I have to get wasted but you won't catch me dancing without at least one or two drinks in me.  Maybe you can have drinks but drop hints to your family about keeping it memorable and not in a "whoa I was so wasted" sort of way.  Tell them you picture a classy wedding. 

Scheff725

I have thought of that! haha... And my parents want us to do what we want to do for our wedding, but being the eldest grandchild on both sides of my family, having them there is so incredibly important to me. FI's parents have not had much input, his grandmothers would both be ok to make it so they could all travel no problem.

I agree about dry weddings!! I just want to be comfortable, and FI especially will not be able to relax and enjoy a few drinks with his family there. He does not drink in front of them at all, extreme situations, I know!

RussoWill

If you really picture having your wedding in the OBX, I wouls suggest having your wedding and reception there, followed by a get together at home afterwards. I think you'd have better attendance that way, and you could do your low-key alcohol free celebration afterward that your grandmas and FI's family could attend. Hope this helps

eeforbes

Maybe as sort of a compromise on the alcohol you could do just wine and beer.  It might keep things a bit more tame?  And it saves money, which I think everyone loves. 

Sounds like you have a real dilemma about the wedding itself though.  I think personally for me, if I lived near you and was invited to the actual wedding, I would be hardpressed to spend a bunch of money on a flight and hotel for just a party, when I had already seen the wedding.  If I was in the wedding or you were a super close friend, I would definitely go, but otherwise I probably wouldn't.  Just something to think about - that you might not have the turn out you want in the OBX. 

I think like people have mentioned, it might be easiest to just get in touch with what is MOST important to you, and make your decision based on that.  I think if it is nonnegotiable for you that your grandparents be there in person (is a video an option?) then I would do the wedding in your area.  If you decide the beach wedding is most important, then I would do OBX and hire a videographer.

Scheff725

Thank you ladies for the thoughts

All are ideas to think about! We vacation in the OBX every year with about 30 people so the thought that people wouldnt go to OBX honestly hadn't occured to me since we all drive down together. Definitely something we can sit down and talk about. We have a little over a year so we have time to figure out what is most important to us. Thank you again!

Krhoy20

Do what you two want to do and what will make you both happy. You can not make everyone happy, as much as we all would love to.
My dad's Mom isn't going to make it to our wedding and it upsets me. You have to think about all those people who will be there with you instead

My only concern with having a ceremony at home....will those family members still want to travel to OBX- since they have already attended the ceremony they may feel they don't need to drive all that way to celebrate with you.

The alcohol situation is touchy. In my opinion, I say provide it. Maybe you could stick to wine and beer to help "control" the rowdiness? For those that don't like drinking....they don't have to!! Plus will save you some money:) I would def. let those family members who you KNOW will get out of hand, your feeling about staying in control and wanting to remember your special day.

mandafite821

The entire grandmother situation is very difficult.  You could get married at the outer banks, and then have a party for your family once you return.  You could show a video of the wedding at the party.  Also, do you think they could ride along with someone?  If their health is up to it, maybe other family members could drive the grandmothers down for the week.

As for the alcohol, I think you should have it.  If both you and your fiance drink, then I think it is appropriate to have.  My best friend got married last year, and she and her husband drink.  She decided to have a dry wedding b/c both set of her grandparents are against alcohol.  After the wedding, she had a party just for her close friends where alcohol was provided.  Her grandparents still got mad at her, b/c they felt she should have been spending family time with them.  She says now she regrets it, and wishes that she would have done what made her and her fiance happy.  

Good luck deciding what to do!  

ACrichton2012

Scheff-

I feel for you with this dilema! I am facing the exact same situation. We want to get married in the OBX more than anything, but both grandmothers are 83 and have a hard time traveling. We are in NJ so the drive is about 9 hours.

I was thinking to have the grandmothers drive with other family members and make a couple sightseeing stops along the way, including an overnight stay in Delaware, or for you somewhere like the Jersey shore since its about half way? Maybe that would ease the travel woes. I would talk to the family members with difficulties and ask them how they feel about making the trip.

I have the same isse with the alcohol and my family, and FIs family aren't big on alcohol....we decided to go with just beer/wine/champagne toast. Shots usually seem to bring on the drama so we decided to cut it.

I think the at home ceremony/party idea is great!  I have also thought about doing a quick courthouse wedding to make it legal, and then have a wedding celebration brunch. Then, do the OBX ceremony and beachouse reception the following week, with whomever can attend.

Hope you made out okay, best of luck with the wedding plans!!