North Carolina-Outer Banks

I just need to vent..

So I just need to vent for a minute. My mother and sister are both telling my I am out of line for being upset but I think I am being perfectly reasonable. Please someone tell me i am not going crazy- My brother who is six years older than me got engaged about 4 months after me. It was only a week ago and since then they have decided they are getting married in july 2012, only 2 months before my tentative date of sept 2012.(They did ask if this was okay and i said sure because I don't have any definate plans yet so i cant really ask them to plan around me.) But then when I ask what their wedding colors are he tells me blue and yellow, which have been my colors since march. I graciously agreed to change my colors to blue and peach since I had been considering it anyway. And ronight they tell me they are planning on having mason jars for their centerpieces and they are SO excited. I am planning on having mason jars for my centerpieces and have been openly discussing my plans with the whole family So now I am upset and honestly I dont know what to do. Im not the outspoken type and I dont want to force them to change anything, I want them to have the wedding of their dreams but at the same time i dont want my wedding to be a repeat of theirs or be something that I think is second best because I let them have all my ideas.    

Jeeze this is frustrating!

ps my other brother is also getting married next year and wants to have a clam bake for the dinner which was originally my plan.. I feel like i might as well hop on a plane with my fiance and get married by ourselves in some foreign land..

Re: I just need to vent..

  • edited December 2011
    Oh, Lindsy, I can understand why you needed to vent! That has to be so upsetting. I'm like you, I'm not the outspoken type and I hate to rock the boat. However, these ideas appear that they were clearly yours first. While it was sweet of you to change your colors, you shouldn't settle for them, if that's not what you truly want. You only get to do this day once in your entire life - make sure it's what you want. I think you and your brother just need to sit down together (just the two of you and no one else) and talk about this. If he likes the same things, then take it as a compliment that you obviously have fantastic tastes. However, tell him that the two of you need to compromise. Your weddings can't be mirror images of each other. You were kind to change your colors, so perhaps he should think about a new centerpiece idea, etc.

    I wish you the very best. I know this has to be so frustrating for you. If you need to vent again, feel free. That's why we're all here.

    Hugs and Squishes to you :)
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  • mandafite821mandafite821 member
    Tenth Anniversary 100 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I would be a little upset as well.  But I do agree with the above.  If you were willing to change your colors so they can use them, then they should be willing to change their centerpieces so you can use your original idea.  I am sure your brother and his fiance will understand.  Hope all goes well!
  • edited December 2011

    Ugh.  I know you can't dictate what their wedding looks like, but I would be really bummed if my wedding felt like a "been there, done that" compared to my brother's.  While it should be flattering that they like your ideas, I definitely wouldn't feel flattered if it were me.   

    I think you have a couple options.

    1.  Talk honestly with your brother (and his FI if possible) to let them know how you're feeling.  It might not be the most comfortable, but they honestly might not realize what they're doing.  There are a TON of decor ideas so it should be easy for them to find something else. Maybe they just haven't looked around at all the options and that's something you can help her with and get in some bonding time.

    2.  Suck it up and change your ideas (and then keep them locked up!).

    3.  Make yours looks so much better that theirs looked like a dress rehearsal. ;)

    I vote for #1. Good luck and let us know what happens!

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  • lindsy310lindsy310 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the advice ladies at least now I know I am not nuts or a bitch for caring! I know I am going to need to talk to him... ill let you know how it goes!
  • edited December 2011
    Maybe you can talk to him and his fiance and make a list of things that are important to you that you have already picked out and they can do the same- then go through the lists together to see what you will both compromise on.  That would be VERY hard to deal with but I'm sure you two can work it out. 
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  • ksj10032782ksj10032782 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I totally know how you feel! My FI (also known as PhillyBoy) brother got engaged roughly 3 months after us, and are planning their wedding for the month after ours! So I know exactly how you feel!!!
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  • edited December 2011
    That IS frustrating!  Best of luck, and I think some discussions are needed so that one of you isn't compromising on everything.  Something to keep in mind: guys don't always pass on the details to their other half, so chatting with both of them together would probably be best.  It will all most certainly work out in the end, and if you use some of the same things, you could share costs, but definitely coordinate how you use them so they're different (aka using different things in the mason jars).

    Let us know how it goes!
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  • edited December 2011

    Just a thought.  When you and your brother (or both couples) have this discussion, I think you should cover it all...

        - wedding dresses (you want to be sure that yours is nothing like hers)
        - groom and his men's attire (want to be different I would guess)
        - flowers
        - reception hall
        - theme (if you have one)

    I think you should offer to take notes and then share with one another so everyone is clear about all of the plans.  The advantage that you have is time.

    Good luck.

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