Guest List Dilemma!

shaunapie

How and Where do you draw the line for kids at a 'destination wedding'? 

My entire family lives in PA . I have a huge family with tons of cousins and I do not want to offend some aunts or uncles by not inviting their kids? I do have a handful of college age cousins that are so excited to go , but then there are young ones as well (young as <1) , and ones in between (10, 11, 15, etc) . Pretty much every age group you can think of, I have in my family. I am very concerned about keeping it small, because I have a feeling my fiance and I are financing the wedding ourselves. 

HELP! 

-Distressed bride to be

sarahebrown

Hi Shauna,
Don't stress! Remember, this is YOUR DAY. So, the choice is entirely yours and your fiance's. There are a few things to consider if you do invite the kids- food & drink options which are kid-friendly, activites to keep them busy, and the overall feel your going for at your wedding.

For our October wedding, we had almost half of our guest list of kids under the age of 10! We had food options like chicken fingers and mac n'cheese for them and I also made little activity books with pages for coloring, word puzzles, etc. It worked out perfectly for us! I was stressing over it more than I should have in the end. They were happy to dance, eat the grown-up food choices too and they all went to bed early. I arranged for my Mother in Law to watch some of the littler ones so the parent's could keep partying with us. My concern was, if I didn't invite the kids too, there would be no way for many of the adults I wanted to attend to come. They just didn't have the means or options to have someone else watch them because of it being a destination wedding. But it worked out perfectly and some of my favorite memories and pics of the day were with the kids we invited.

Whatever you decide to do, it will be perfect and amazing because it's your wedding day!! Hope this helps a little. I have word docs of the activity booklets I made and I am happy to share if you like. Just let me know. Happy Planning!

mandafite821

We also had the same dilemma when we first began planning.  We were not going to invite kids at first.  In the end, we only invited those children that we were close too.  On one side of the family we invited everyone, b/c we are close to them.  But on the other side of the family, we only invited aunts and unlces b/c we hardly ever see them.  At thanksgiving we just explained that we were keeping our wedding small, so only those names listed on the invitations were invited.  So far everyone has understood.  

Good luck, and do what makes you happy!

Wolfie646

We had the same issue but decided that no children are invited. If we let one or two bring their kids, then all will want to, or some would get miffed when they showed up and saw other kids there. We too are paying for our wedding and we would rather have more of our friends there than have kids... We have some friends that are bringing their parent or sister down with them to watch their kids. We also provided babysitter info on our wedding website. Our thought is they will figure out something if they really want to come.

RussoWill

We had so many out of towners that we invited whole families, including kids. I let the caterer know how many under 12ers we had and that even though we gave everyone a chair (even infants), not all chairs should equal someone we needed to pay for. We would have created many family rifts by not inviting children.

You should figure out your total budget before deciding who to invite and who not to invite. Once you send out save teh dates, it will be a really hair situation if you realize you invited more people than you can afford. Since you say some family members may take offense, you may want to regard each family as a unit when inviting guests. I would definitely discuss this with your parents-they will hopefully be able to give you some pointers.
You can also have a very small, intimate wedding in OBX with a larger reception in your hometown after you get back, even if you just have a cocktail party or large backyard barbecue.
Don't fret, it will all be worth it in the end

WedOBX2012

Shauna-
We're in the same boat as you with the guest list. We wanted a small wedding as well but were struggling with how to do that without offending folks.  I know it's our wedding and we can do whatever but not really without hurting feelings.  We started out thinking we would just invite aunts and uncles which put the count at 40.  But then when speaking to parents it was suggested that since the aunts/uncles are older, they may not come if they can't ride down with their kids (cousins) as the majority of family is coming down from NY. When we add cousins to the count it brings us to 70 ppl and that's without their kids!  Adding kids would bring the total  to 105 ppl which is just insane for us.  The 35 kids are from ages 1 to 19 and we just can't swing it with our budget (especially if we're talking about $25-$45 a plate). I know there's a possiblity that not all 70 or not all 105 will attend but I don't want to bank on that.  I think we're going to try to keep the invite list to 70 and cousins can bring their kids down to OBX, just not to the wedding.  I know it sounds mean but it is what it is and we can afford what we can afford.

Hope that helps...

Buckigirl67

My fiance' and I are also paying for our  intimate wedding (35 guests)~the only children included in our wedding are my two neices who are both flower girls in our wedding anyway, luckily for us most who are invited don't have young children~we just simply told those who have asked we are on limited number due to location  of reception and that is the truth~I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here just what works for you and your situation~happy planning!