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January 2012 Weddings

Who didn't show up you really wanted there?

Did you have anyone not show up at the last minute that you really wanted there? My really good friend T didn't show up. She hasn't even called me or sent a card. She only wrote on my FB that she was sick but couldn't wait to see the pictures. She is a really unreliable friend and I was doubting if she was going to be there but a week before she assured me she would. She says she was sick but my BM saw her while she was working two days before the wedding and looked fine. She said on FB she had been sick all week. Oh and the wedding was only about 10 minutes from her house.

I'm so upset. I just can't get it off my mind. I wish she would call me and at least say sorry or that she truly wanted to be there. But I doubt she will. She has become a pretty selfish person lately and maybe she doesn't care at all that she missed it. IDK. I went to her birthday get together back in December and spent over $70 of money I didn't really have at the time, because I cared about being there for her.

Let me add that we've been pretty close friends since 2003. That's almost 10 years.

Ladies, help...what should I do? Drop her as a friend? Just ingore her, or call her and explain how upset I am?
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Re: Who didn't show up you really wanted there?

  • I hate those sticky situations. I would probably have her initiate contact again, but I wouldn't waste my time to spend time with her that she doesn't want to spend with you.
  • It hurts when people do that!!  So sorry!!

    My daughter had a similar situation growing up and the best way to explain that type of person is she is a "user!"  That type often wants a big party with lots of people and gifts but don't expect anything from her!!  She hand picks a few who are popular to keep her in good graces with the other members of the crowd.

    She invited you to her birthday party, got a nice gift and she is done with you until about 3-4 mos from now when she will contact you with some sad story. 

    Please don't let her use you.  Do not initiate contact unless you want to be used.
  • It's time for you to set a boundry with her in your life and stop letting her hurt you.  If you don't allow her to continue hurting you, she won't.  Don't do anything for her--go out of your way for her, call her, buy her anything, be there for her.  Because she obviously won't do it for you.  It sucks, it hurts.  I've been there, but until you set a boundry with her, she is going to continue hurting her because it sounds like you expect stuff from her that she won't come through with.  (great advice from my therapist a long time ago--FYI)
  • I have some very similar feelsing towards some people too.  Personally, I would initate contact one more time. Mainly I suggest this for you feelings.This way you will feel like you truely did try. Then, when you get nothing back, don't waste your engery. If she comes to you, be open to a friendship but guarded to not get too invested.

    I am sorry you have to deal with this. If you ever wanna talk, you know how to get a hold of me!
  • In Response to Re: Who didn't show up you really wanted there?:
    [QUOTE]I have some very similar feelsing towards some people too.  Personally, I would initate contact one more time. Mainly I suggest this for you feelings.This way you will feel like you truely did try. Then, when you get nothing back, don't waste your engery. If she comes to you, be open to a friendship but guarded to not get too invested. I am sorry you have to deal with this. If you ever wanna talk, you know how to get a hold of me!
    Posted by hippolover[/QUOTE]

    Thank you Jen!
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  • Yes my FIL and BIL. I am so hurt. Neither contacted me or said congrats. I feel silly because DH doesn't even seem to care. I don't really want or know how to approach them, but I know a time will come and probably sooner than later.
  • In Response to Re: Who didn't show up you really wanted there?:
    [QUOTE]Yes my FIL and BIL. I am so hurt. Neither contacted me or said congrats. I feel silly because DH doesn't even seem to care. I don't really want or know how to approach them, but I know a time will come and probably sooner than later.
    Posted by aleigha85[/QUOTE]

    I'm suprised your DH is not upset. But if he isn't then I guess you shouldn't be either. (Easier said then done. I'd be upset too.)
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  • [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who didn't show up you really wanted there? : I'm suprised your DH is not upset. But if he isn't then I guess you shouldn't be either. (Easier said then done. I'd be upset too.)
    Posted by TaraW1979[/QUOTE]

    Just feels like it's not the warmest welcome to the family.
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