California-Bay Area

Eloped but still want to have a big ceremony and reception....

My partner and I eloped in South Lake Tahoe a few weeks ago (New Years). At the time we thought it was silly and fun and no big deal. We made the mistake in telling our parents. We are still very excited about having a big blow out wedding in a year from now but my parents feel that having a ceremony will be confusing to everyone and "makes no sense". I just need some advise. Is it okay to have another ceremony? My partner and I think it is. Are we crazy? Do you have any suggestions on how to calm the waters and make my parents understand that having a second ceremony is fine.

Any suggestions or feedback would be great.

Dominique SF

Re: Eloped but still want to have a big ceremony and reception....

  • roselyn81roselyn81 member
    edited December 2011

    When I polled the board asking if I could have a secret City Hall ceremony and then the big Catholic wedding and reception a month later, people told me "you can't have your cake and eat it too".

    Sorry, maybe you can renew your vows in a few years? Or just have a party/reception, but no ceremony.

  • edited December 2011
    I dont see anything wrong with that. My cousin did the same thing, he and his wife eloped and a few years later she wanted to have a catholic ceremony and reception. Some people did have not so nice things to say but most were happy that they were able to be apart of this wedding. Maybe you can say something along those lines to your parents; that you know you are already married but you would like to have an official ceremony that your family and friends can be apart of.

    Roselyn: out of curiosity why have the secret ceremony and then have another ceremony and wedding only a month later? Why not just wait? Not judging, I can understand waiting a year or two but only a month later?
  • anarey7anarey7 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i think its perfectly fine. My husband and I got married through the court and are  now planning our big wedding. He did get deplotyed, so it was under different circumstances but you can do what whatever you want! Don't let people get you down, have fun planning your wedding! :)
  • janineenerjanineener member
    Tenth Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    A friend of mine got married at City hall and the just had a ceremony later on so everyone could be a part of it.  I don't see anything wrong with it.  I mean maybe you just couldn't wait.  You know?
  • BubbalubBubbalub member
    edited December 2011
    I don't see a problem with it if you have a Vow Renewal instead of an actual wedding ceremony. You are technically already married. But have a vow renewal in front of your friends and family and throw a reception party and enjoy the day with the people you love sharing in your joy. :)
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  • edited December 2011
    There's nothing WRONG with it.  After all its your wedding and you can do what you want.  Will several people think it's strange or repetitive or not as meaningful since you technically already took your vows so it's more of a do over or re-enactment - perhaps.  BUT do what you want.  If it means something to you that's all that mattters.  Sure people may put you on the spot and ask but all you have to say is how you feel.  You had your first vows in a private personal ceremony and you cherish that and now you want to share it with those you care about. 
  • SpookyKiwiSpookyKiwi member
    edited December 2011
    I cannot see any issue in it--I've also seen other women post about this before with some really nasty responses, but I just don't see what the issue is.  And how is this having your cake and eating it too?

    Its extremely common now for people to have a legal ceremony and then have a meaningful, but not legal ceremony later for guests to attend.  Many people with destination weddings are not legally married until later, but people don't find the ceremony they attend less meaningful.

    I was going to do this originally, and when I got odd comments, I explained that while being legally married is nice, the point of a wedding it make vows to each other and to celebrate.  We do not need to become legally married for the first time at the time of that ceremony for it to be meaningful and personal.  Usually people couldn't make a coherent argument against it.  I just emphasize the fact that the ceremony is really about the symbolism of what you are promising to each other, and you want to be able to share that with everyone [and most likely do it together for the first time since many elopements are short and not very personal.]
  • edited December 2011
    so I saw this asked a year ago, and hella people attacked the bride because she didn't want to share the special day with her friends and family and now she wants gifts and attention all of the sudden. "You can't have your cake and eat it too!" and "Your time has came and gone" and "get over yourself"!
    So supposedly, it's insulting to every guest.

    But I think those Knotties are rude as hell, and you should do whatever you want! If you want a party, have party. If some people don't come because they wished you didn't elope, that's their issue. Just make sure that people get that you are already married, but this is just a 2nd ceremony to share with your loved ones.
  • Irishowl76Irishowl76 member
    Fifth Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think it's perfectly fine! My partner and were married in 2008 and are still planning a huge vow renewal! Some of our friends think it's a bit strange but they understand that we didn't get the chance to have the wedding we wanted. I'm sure your friends and family would love the chance to see you exchange vows and to celebrate with you!

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