I *might* have to cry :(

yellow_grace

When John and I finally set a new date, I promised myself that this time around, I wouldn't stress over things. I wouldn't get uptight about anything. Nothing about planning the wedding would make me cry. I would focus on what is truly important: I am healthy and marrying the man I love.When I started planning my wedding, I had 2 BMs and my sister was my MOH. My 2 BMs dropped out of the wedding over the summer for unclear reasons, saying that John had offended them, I was making a mistake, and it was too expensive for them to participate. Whatever. If they couldn't be supportive (or had over-committed themselves when I asked them in February) I didn't want them doing something that they felt bad about. Fine.However, yesterday my sister told me that she would not be able to attend the wedding. Her exact words were "I prayed about it, and God said no." I don't have a problem with her honoring her religious committments, or doing what she feels is right. But I am really sad and disappointed that she won't be there with me on my big day. I was really counting on having her there- if for no other reason than to run interference with my mom and hand me tissues between pictures! (Well, and to help me go to the bathroom- that dress is huge!)I know that what really matters is that John and I will finally get to be married, but when I pictured my wedding, I always pictured my sister standing up next to me. Now, I don't have bridesmaids OR my sister.I might have to cry over this.

stace1814

I would be very upset as well.  Have you found out the real reason for everybody dropping out of the wedding?  I suspect that there is more to the story than they are telling you.  I would want to know the full details about what your FI did to offend them so much.

yellow_grace

I am pretty sure the girls dropped out because of expense (they are both from OOT and in the process of adopting). And my sister honestly believes she heard from God (she is very religious.) My sister also has to work on Christmas (she is a nurse). It's just especially tough since my sister was really getting into planning the wedding with me.

stace1814

I'm very sorry to hear that.  But in the end you'll be married and that's what it's all about anyways   If you fiance has a BM then he can sign the license.  It is very disappointing though.

shellbell026

That is kind of crappy of them, especially so close to the wedding.  I hope things work out for you.

steeser03

im sorry to be a downer here, and i know that i dont know you but... if all of the important people in my life were opposed to my marriage i would be asking myself why. it seems like they are making excuses and avoiding the real reason and that you too are making excuses for them. maybe you need to look at your relationship from their shoes- do they think he treats you badly (not saying he does, maybe that could be their perception), they don't think you two are good for each other, maybe they dont trust him? if i were you i would figure out what the REAL underlying reason is before its too late because if they are opposed to your marriage, then you could potentially be sacrificing your friendship/relationship with these women when you get married.

K-hart

Wow. Sorry to hear that no one want to be a part of your life. It's just really hard for me to believe that you have no close friends that are willing to stand beside you on your big day. So, what re you going to do?

steeser03

i re-read what i wrote and please know that i wasnt saying by any means that you shouldnt go through with this because people arent going to be in the wedding, if you feel it is the right thing for you to do. i just think you may want to tease out the real reason, attempt to resolve it, and understand where they are coming from before you get married. because once you do, it may be too late to fix things and id hate to see you lose the support of important people in your life. sorry if that came out wrong the first time.

yellow_grace

Steeser, just to let you know and set your mind at rest...Not "all" of the important people in my life are opposed to my marriage. In fact, *no one* is unsupportive of my marriage. My family loves John, and the 2 BMs who dropped out in June have never met him (again, they are OOT and he was not able to be there when we got together.) My friendships with them continue, and will not be sacrificed at all by my marriage. My relationship with my sister is not affected either (to put her actions into perspective: when I was adopting my daughter as a single mom, I asked my sister to go to Ethiopia with me when I picked up Anna. God told her "no" to that. But God told her "yes" to my September date, and "no" to the new December date.)I realize I am a little touchy about this topic, but really, I don't think that your "jump into thinking the worst" mindset is unique to this situation. I see that in the post after me, you took the same approach- skepticism and condescention. Maybe you are having a bad day or something happened today that is making you have such a pesimistic tone in your posts. If so, I am sorry, and I hope that you can enjoy the evening with your new husband and wake up tomorrow with a fresh outlook.In the mean time, I am not worried about finding anything out "too late." In fact, after John's wonderful support during my recent cancer scare, surgery, and painful recovery has only served to re-inforce that he and I belong together, and our family is meant to be together.Not trying to pick a fight, just felt that your "concerns" should be addressed.K-hart- what is there to do? I have some other ladies I could ask, but at this point, I feel like it would be so insincere and almost an insult to them.... Like, "you're not good enough to be asked to be in my wedding when I first decided on my weddng party, but now that I've run out of other options and my sister has turned out to be a flake, will you be in my wedding?" After the other 2 BMs quit in June, John and I agreed to have only one attendant each (one of his GMs quit and another found out he will be out of the country for work..) My good friend will be acting as an assistant to me (helping me get ready and stuff) and I guess I will not have any offical attendants. I'm really going to miss my sister, though.

steeser03

as i said in my OP, i dont know you and i dont know your situation so i wasnt judging you. the same thing with shell's post applies here... you post on this forum to get outside perspectives and advice. sometimes its difficult to see things a different way when they are happening to you. i was simply offering advice. like i said in my second post, i didnt mean it to come out as.."OMG dont do it!" i just meant...maybe theres more to it and i'd hate to see you lose support. especially when you have had such a difficult road behind you. i am by no means a negative person. ever. im simply trying to offer an outsiders view on the situation. being someone who has gone through my own list of medical malodities including cancer and open heart surgery at 23, i know how important it is to have the love and support of a significant other, family, and friends. im sorry if i offended you. i am sad for you that you wont have any attendants. this was my attempt at trying to help you salvage your wedding party, but unfortunately it doesnt look like that will happen because of the reasons you explained. im sorry.

K-hart

Grace, I misunderstood, I thought that ALL of the BM's dropped out. I think that everyone was a little confused about the situation at first here, thanks for clearing that up for us. I Think it's great that you have one attendant each and why not also include your beautiful daughters in some way to make it extra special (you're probably already doing this anyway). I think the bottom line is that we are sorry to hear about your misfortune. It seems like you're willing to forgive the people that turned you down, so it looks like you answered your own question. Just accept what is happening and move on from it. You'll have one great attendant each, a husband that loves you more than anything else in this world and beautiful children. It sounds perfect.

yellow_grace

Sorry for the confusion, K-hart. 2 BMs quit in June, and my sister (MOH) just quit. So no attendants at all for me. My friend will assist me in getting ready, but she told me up-front that she doesn't want to be a BM. So no one will actually stand up with me.Anyway, silver lining: My sister is infamously difficult to shop for, so at least now I don't have to figure out a gift for her!

srahluvsgrizz

No need to attack Steeser for making a rational argument.  You said "My 2 BMs dropped out of the wedding over the summer for unclear reasons, saying that John had offended them, I was making a mistake, and it was too expensive for them to participate."  The wedding being too expensive seems like the least of their worries compared to the other 2 arguments.  I would be more concerned with the "John had offended them" and the "making a mistake".  I feel like there is a lot more to this story that we're missing.

Spepperman

I'm so sorry to hear that your sister won't be there for you.  I know if my sister couldn't be at my wedding I would be heart broken, but I'm sure you will still have a beautiful wedding and it will be one of the happiest days of your life.

Kaytee241

Ditto srahluvsgrizz. I had the same initial reaction to your first post that Steeser did. She wasn't being negative, she was responding to your statement that both of your BMs dropped out because your FI offended them and they thought you were making a mistake. If my two best friends both said that to me, you bet I'd want to know exactly what they meant before things went any farther.