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NWR: need advice

maggiewvumaggiewvu
10 Comments
in Pennsylvania-Central
I just found out from one of my brides maids that her dad has stage 4 cancer.  I am so bad at this stuff and don't know what to do or say.  I was thinking of sending her flowers or a card (she lives 4 hours away).  Any other ideas?  She's coming to visit in November, but that is a long time away.  Thanks!!
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Re: NWR: need advice

  • MrsHarris2010MrsHarris2010 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Send a card and flowers extend your sympatyh and your prayers
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  • sisenwainlsisenwainl member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It also might be a nice touch to find out what restaurants are in the area...that way she or her family can use them so they can continue to care for dad and not be stressed about what to have for dinner and things like that.A similar situation happened with one of my bridesmaids, and I know that that was very helpful for her.Thoughts and prayers are with your friend.
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  • sisenwainlsisenwainl member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    (for gift cards, by the way!):)
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  • yellow_graceyellow_grace
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am a nurse and often care for patients and families who are going through rough times and dealing with terminal illness. I think the biggest burden on them is feeling like they have to "be brave" around their friends- as if by not putting on that brave face, they are giving up. I think one of the best things you can do is let her know that she can be real with you- she can b!tch and moan and cry and rant and question God and hate the world and be real with you- and you won't judge her or put it back on her later. Sometimes, just being there to listen (a lot of "uh-huh" and "hmmm" and "tell me more about that") can really be the difference between "getting by" and making it through with sanity intact.
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  • maggiewvumaggiewvu
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    thank you all for your feedback.  I really appreciate it!
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  • K-hartK-hart
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ditto pp. The flowers/card idea is great. Make sure you reach out to her and let her know that you're thinking about her and that you will be there for her. Talking about it is really thearaputic for a lot of people so by encouraging her to do so may be excatly what she needs.
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  • steeser03steeser03
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    aww maggie i'm so sorry to hear this. i was just actually at my SIL's mom's funeral today, she had ovarian cancer. the best advice i can give you is to lend her an ear like grace said, be there when she needs it, and when she comes to visit in november i suggest dinner and a good bottle of wine. instead of flowers, you could look into edible arrangments. i think they are a great substitute to flowers. i think flowers are just something pretty to look at and edible arrangements are much more enjoyable. the other advice i can give you is this: i told my SIL very early on, i wasn't going to ask her every time we talked how her mom is, but that DID NOT mean that i wasn't thinking and praying about her mom and family every day. she had so many people ask her all the time and i felt that it made her sad and overwhelmed her, sometimes she just needed a day where her mom wasn't brought up. but i did tell her, whenever she needed something just ask and i'd come running. and i did. i think this worked really well for us because i was there when she needed me but also gave her a safe haven when she just couldnt bear to talk about her mom.
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  • stellelinds25stellelinds25
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My dad was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago. And for me, it meant the most to have someone to listen to my anger and my fears and let me cry on their shoulder. There are so many emotions that go through you with news like that. If you want to do something more, I would make a donation in her dads name to an organization for the type of cancer he has.
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