Canada-Ontario

Showers-what are your thoughts

Hi there

Is it wrong NOT to want a shower.  To be honest, I hate the idea.  I know it's a tradition blah blah, but for me, it is more anxiety than it is worth..who to invite, not to invite...it gets to be rediculous.  Not to mention, I just don't feel comfortable asking people to come to a party and spend a huge wad of cash on me before the wedding.  I've never liked going to showers and I really don't think having one for myself is a good idea either.  I don't mean to offend brides who actually enjoy the process but it is just not for me. 

I think everyone expects a bride to have a shower, especially "mom" so would I hurt a lot of feelings if I say no I don't want one (particularly mom's feelings cause that is who I am doing this for, not for me) yikes ????

Monique

Re: Showers-what are your thoughts

  • mcrotondomcrotondo member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hi there

    Is it wrong NOT to want a shower.  To be honest, I hate the idea.  I know it's a tradition blah blah, but for me, it is more anxiety than it is worth..who to invite, not to invite...it gets to be rediculous.  Not to mention, I just don't feel comfortable asking people to come to a party and spend a huge wad of cash on me before the wedding.  I've never liked going to showers and I really don't think having one for myself is a good idea either.  I don't mean to offend brides who actually enjoy the process but it is just not for me. 

    I think everyone expects a bride to have a shower, especially "mom" so would I hurt a lot of feelings if I say no I don't want one (particularly mom's feelings cause that is who I am doing this for, not for me) yikes ????

    Monique
  • LittlinLittlin member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No, its not wrong.  Everyone feels differently about them.  I have thrown a shower which was very fun, and I've been to showers (slightly less fun), but I don't like everyone staring at me opening presents!

    I am having a family shower (couldn't escape that one), but I convinced my MOH to have a combo bachelorette/shower weekend at the cottage (so more just a girls weekend, and less shower-like) so I didn't have to do a "friend" one as well.  It made sense for me to do that since it was tricky finding a good shower location, and I felt bad having my wedding party gather from all over the province (and New Zealand) multiple times, and everyone loves the cottage in the summer!

    Let your family and wedding party know, but if someone really wants to throw you a party,it would be rude to turn it down, so try and enjoy!
  • ring_popring_pop member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I feel exactly the same way! The first thing I asked of my MOH & BM were "Please don't throw me a shower". I've always hated them; I can see how they're fun for family since there's so many of them there, but I always end up knowing very few guests and feeling totally awkward hanging out with a bunch of random women. Luckily, neither my family nor my husband's family are familiar with the tradition of bridal showers, so there were no protests there.

    You can request no shower and hope that they respect your wishes. If they really insist, maybe you would enjoy a more casual couples shower? As for feeling weird about people spending money on you and your wedding... there's no need to feel guilty that they love you and want to do it for you!
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  • edited December 2011
    Hmmm, I am the opposite! I love showers so I am super excited about mine! One thing that might make you feel better about it is, technically (not sure how many people actually do this) guests should set a budget for your wedding and if you are having a shower, spend from this budget. Ie. If they plan to give you $200, they would spend $50 on a shower gift and $150 on the wedding gift - so it all kind of equals the same thing. If you are uncomfortable with the gifts, you could add "Please, no gifts: your presence is your present" to the bottom of the invitations! Maybe you could ask your mom to host an intimate brunch, lunch, or tea instead of a full-on shower. 
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  • eveningbrideeveningbride member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Im kinda down the middle.
    I feel weird about the shower thing....  but for me its worse when its a surprise. My MOH had to tip me off because she hadnt seen a guest list for the wedding so had no clue who to invite.  She asked my fiance, but he was no help!  When she approached me about the matter, I begged her that if they insisted on throwing a shower, that I NEED to be tipped off a day of 2 before. I dont want to arrive on location wearing like gym gear, or without a spec of makeup!
    The other thing that I dont like about showers, is often it's all the ladies in your extended family that you dont know... that part I could do without, but I guess if your going to see them at the wedding, its a good icebreaker.
    Nothing a few glasses of wine cant fix!
  • Ninica_84Ninica_84 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you don't want to have a shower you don't have to. I had my shower last weekend and it was great, only about 30 women and no nonsense games. We played 2 games (my bridsmaids were really into this) and the rest of the time people just relaxed had food and some drinks.

    Also there was no opening of gifts in front of everyone because I personally find that tacky. I opened the gifts with my FI when I got home and wrote everyone a thank you card.

    I think it all depends on you and what you want and everyone will just go with the flow, after all this shower is supposed to be for you and if you don't want one that's totally fine.
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