Canada-Toronto

Recently-divorced brother

My older brother is recently divorced and is not overly enthusiastic about my recent engagement. He is happy for me but with his own situation, it is a bit difficult for him. I am close to him but my fiancé isn't and we aren't sure how to involve him in our wedding. Should he be in my bridal party or should we ask him to be an usher? What are people's thoughts on different ways of including brothers?

Re: Recently-divorced brother

  • LittlinLittlin
    1000 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    My brother and DH weren't that close before the wedding, but they didn't know each other that well, and got along great in family situations.  DH asked my brother to be a GM, but I didn't force it upon him.  I also asked his sister to be a BM, because we were close.

    If you FI is uncomfortable with him, doesn't really know if he wants him as a GM, or has other people in mind, an usher would be a nice gesture, or walking a grandparent down the aisle, or doing a reading or toast?  Guys usually don't mind too much not being involved, so I wouldn't ask much more than that!
  • Jewel224Jewel224
    Knottie Warrior 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    If you're close to him, you could always have him on your side of the bridal party, if you don't mind breaking with tradition.  Most of my g/fs included their brothers into their weddings by having them in the wedding party.

    Perhaps give your brother the option - if he's not up to being in the bridal party because of his situation then as Littlin suggested, ask him to do a reading or be an usher.  In the end it's up to you and how much involvement you want to have your brother in your wedding day.  But do what you feel most comfortable doing.
  • lalap69lalap69
    1000 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    My brother stood up with me on my side.  It was really important to me to have him there.  If it's important to you, ask him.  Mention that you know he's going through a rough time and you're okay with it if he'd rather be in a smaller role.  He might even tell you what he'd prefer to do.
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks so much ladies!!!! I really appreciate your thoughts and it helps knowing other people's situations as well. I will discuss the options with him because I think that's best. I don't want to force him to be overly-involved if that's not what he wants or if he doesn't "care" (for lack of a better term - boys are boys!!)
    I would ideally put him on my side of the bridal party but my fiancé hasn't decided who he wants on his side yet so I don't want him to have 2 people and I have 5!! Might seem odd ?
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Recently-divorced brother:
    My brother stood up with me on my side.  It was really important to me to have him there.  If it's important to you, ask him.  Mention that you know he's going through a rough time and you're okay with it if he'd rather be in a smaller role.  He might even tell you what he'd prefer to do.
    Posted by lalap69
    Did your fiancé have any women on his side ?
  • Jewel224Jewel224
    Knottie Warrior 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    Uneven numbers aren't a big thing - you can just have your single attendants walk in by themselves or accompany the flower girl/ring boy, etc.  A lot of what was tradition for weddings are nowadays non-traditional. 

    Just get a feel for what your brother is happy to do given the situation he's in.  Better to have his buy-in than to have him feeling bitter throughout the whole wedding. 

    Hope this helps.  :)
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks Jewel ! I will have to sit down with him over the next couple of months to discuss how he feels. And you're right about not having a traditional wedding - my fiancé and I come from 2 different cultural backgrounds so we are all about switching this up!!
  • lalap69lalap69
    1000 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Recently-divorced brother:
    In Response to Re: Recently-divorced brother : Did your fiancé have any women on his side ?
    Posted by hendersonsarah
    Yes, my DH had his two sisters-in-law on his side.

    We also had uneven sides.  It really wasn't a big deal at all.
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
    image Wedding Countdown Ticker
    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
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