Tuesday Questions!

Resa77

I got into a conversation about being a host or guest to a friend, and was really surprised by the diversity of opinions.  I'm interested in what your take is on some of these questions!

1.  For a really casual get-together, do you prefer to go to a friend's house, have them to your house, or meet somewhere outside the home?  Why?

2.  When you tell your guest "help yourself" or "make yourself at home," do you really mean it?  What kinds of behaviors of guests do you find rude or off-putting?

3.  As a guest, do you prefer a host who waits on you a bit, or are you the type of guest who helps herself?

4. This one is a little off track, but somewhat related...do you think it's rude to ask someone to take their shoes off in your home?  Do you think it's rude to leave your shoes on in someone's home?  What about washing their hands? 

Resa77

1.  For a really casual get-together, do you prefer to go to a friend's house, have them to your house, or meet somewhere outside the home?  Why?
I can really go either way.  I like the convenience of not having to leave my home, but sometimes it's nice not to worry about having a snack or drink to offer, or making sure things are clean, etc. 
2.  When you tell your guest "help yourself" or "make yourself at home," do you really mean it?  What kinds of behaviors of guests do you find rude or off-putting?
I never tell someone to make themselves at home.  But when I tell my guests to help themselves, I do truly mean it .
3.  As a guest, do you prefer a host who waits on you a bit, or are you the type of guest who helps herself?
I prefere a good balance.  If I'm at your house, and you've not offered my a drink, I very well might sit there, thirsty, the entire time.  Or perhaps I'll ask for a glass of water, but it really depends on how comfortable I feel.  I would never, ever get up and grab a drink for myself unless I'm SUPER close to my host.  But I also don't want the kind of host who waits on me hand and foot, you know?  So the balance is someone who says "there's bottled water, Diet Coke and orange juice in the fridge.  Help yourself!" 
4. This one is a little off track, but somewhat related...do you think it's rude to ask someone to take their shoes off in your home?  Do you think it's rude to leave your shoes on in someone's home?  What about washing their hands?
Honestly, there are VERY few occasions in which I wouldn't think it's rude to ask an adult to remove their shoes or wash their hands.  If you've just had a baby, or if you have someone sickly in your home, I could possibly understand, but otherwise, I think it's kind of insulting, and it's also just weird to ask someone to walk around without shoes (especially if they aren't wearing socks!)  I've actually never had anyone ask me to wash my hands, but apparently that's something people do.  I think that's kind of weird, no?

bibliophile2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:08439f2f-9f64-439e-b468-5b650a3a8827Post:369b3ac7-fa13-4a3a-830d-d3e0fee3b005">Tuesday Questions!</a>:
[QUOTE]I got into a conversation about being a host or guest to a friend, and was really surprised by the diversity of opinions.  I'm interested in what your take is on some of these questions! 1.  For a really casual get-together, do you prefer to go to a friend's house, have them to your house, or meet somewhere outside the home?  Why? 2.  When you tell your guest "help yourself" or "make yourself at home," do you really mean it?  What kinds of behaviors of guests do you find rude or off-putting? 3.  As a guest, do you prefer a host who waits on you a bit, or are you the type of guest who helps herself? 4. This one is a little off track, but somewhat related...do you think it's rude to ask someone to take their shoes off in your home?  Do you think it's rude to leave your shoes on in someone's home?  What about washing their hands? 
Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

1. I loooove hosting things, so having people over is really fun for me. That said, I have trouble truly making it a casual get togeher for that reason (I get carried away with putting out drinks and setting the table and making sure the food is ready to go, etc.), so I enjoy <em>actually</em> relaxing and going to other people's houses on occasion. With C, we also find it easier to have people over, because that way, we can put her to bed and still be social instead of running home early for bedtime.

2. I do truly mean it when I say to "help yourself" or "make yourself at home." I choose the appropriate phrase, though. If I have people for dinner, things are arranged in a way that is appropriate to help themselves to ________. I only use "make yourself at home" when I have overnight guests, and I really mean it. I would feel awful if someone was up in the middle of the night or up before me and didn't feel comfortable getting something to eat or drink or feel comfortable getting in the shower. I have always been an early riser, and when I was younger (like from the time I was old enough for them), sleepovers were really awkward, because I would be up before my friends and not know what to do. I think that made me really sensitive to that.

3. I am always making sure not to overstep my bounds at other people's houses. My grandma and aunt both tease me about asking for things at their houses, which they feel are open to my taking. I might be okay asking for water, but otherwise, I want some indication of what is fair game. Your example would be just fine by me. Like I say, I just don't want to be out of line.

4. I tolerate the shoe thing. I have known a few people who do it, and a couple of others who did it temporarily when they had crawling babies. For the crawling babies, I get it. For the others, I sort of roll my eyes, but two people I know who do it routinely both have OCD/OCD tendencies (like for real, not just a euphamism), so I try to be understanding. Interestingly, I almost never wear shoes at my own house (really, only when I have people over), but only take them off at other people's houses if I feel really comfortable with them and/or I'm there for a long time (or if they ask me to, I guess). I have no problems with handwashing if someone is sick or if they have a baby (and then, only if you're handling things that pertain to them). Otherwise, how germy I keep my hands is my own business and I'm the one who's most likely to get sick from them. If you're so freaked out by my germs, Lysol your doorknobs when I leave or don't have me over!

erin5286

1. For a really casual get-together, do you prefer to go to a friend's house, have them to your house, or meet somewhere outside the home? Why?

I could go either way here - right now I really don't have the space to have friends over, but it would be fun to have people come to me sometimes rather than always having to drive somewhere else, and to get to try out new snack recipes and that kind of thing.  That said, I'm always up for a girls' night out or meeting friends to try a new restaurant.

2. When you tell your guest "help yourself" or "make yourself at home," do you really mean it? What kinds of behaviors of guests do you find rude or off-putting?

When I tell our guests (the few that we do have) to help themselves, I definitely mean it.  Right now, the only people who ever stay with us are H's brothers or other family members, so it's a lot more comfortable overall.  They know they can help themselves to snacks, turn on the TV, find their own towels for a shower, etc.  If I had guests I didn't know as well, I might feel differently. I think the most off-putting behavior from a guest would be someone snooping around, especially in your more personal areas like the bedroom or master bath.  I haven't really ever had that happen (yet, that I know of) but it would definitely be awkward.

3. As a guest, do you prefer a host who waits on you a bit, or are you the type of guest who helps herself?

I wouldn't want a host to wait on me hand and foot, but I would want them to let me know what is OK to do or where things are - for example, as Resa mentioned, letting you know that it's OK to grab a drink and where they are. Or, showing me in advance where they keep guest towels, etc. so I don't have to snoop around the bathroom or hall closet later.

4. This one is a little off track, but somewhat related...do you think it's rude to ask someone to take their shoes off in your home? Do you think it's rude to leave your shoes on in someone's home? What about washing their hands?

I haven't ever had someone ask me to wash my hands, but that might be weird unless it was a situation like they just had a baby.  The shoe thing however I don't think is rude/weird.  Even if I don't have a baby or kids that would be crawling around on the floor, I wouldn't want all sorts of dirt/etc. tracked through my house.  In theory, my floor should be clean enough that people wouldn't feel uncomfortable walking on it without shoes, and then it would stay that clean because they wouldn't be tracking things in on their shoes.

Calypso1977

1. For a really casual get-together, do you prefer to go to a friend's house, have them to your house, or meet somewhere outside the home? Why?  i like to have people at my  house or go out. 

2. When you tell your guest "help yourself" or "make yourself at home," do you really mean it? What kinds of behaviors of guests do you find rude or off-putting?  yes, as i really have nothing to hide.  however, i do consider my bedroom and bathroom off-limits.  i dont like people going in there.

3. As a guest, do you prefer a host who waits on you a bit, or are you the type of guest who helps herself?  i feel guilty when waited on, even tho i love to wait on my own guests!

4. This one is a little off track, but somewhat related...do you think it's rude to ask someone to take their shoes off in your home? Do you think it's rude to leave your shoes on in someone's home? What about washing their hands? i do think its rude to ask people to remove shoes.  i always remove shoes in my own home to help keep it cleaner, but i never ask my guests to remove shoes.   i dont ask to wash hands, that's odd (and im a germophobe!).

Chloeagh

1.  For a really casual get-together, do you prefer to go to a friend's house, have them to your house, or meet somewhere outside the home?  Why?
It kind of depends. I'm super awkward, so I usually don't like going to someone's house if I don't know them very well, especially if they live with their parents (since I'm young enough that that's the case for a lot of people over the summer).

2.  When you tell your guest "help yourself" or "make yourself at home," do you really mean it?  What kinds of behaviors of guests do you find rude or off-putting?
For the most part. But my stepdad has this major hang-up about people taking food from the fridge, even FI isn't allowed to offer to get me something in my stepdad is home. My brother and I used to let friends take food all the time, then one day that wasn't okay anymore. My mom said it has something to do with Turkish culture. But if I told a guest to help themselves, I'd be okay with them getting food (within reason).

3.  As a guest, do you prefer a host who waits on you a bit, or are you the type of guest who helps herself?
I don't like it when they feel obligated to help me and get everything for me, but I would never help myself if they didn't offer first.

4. This one is a little off track, but somewhat related...do you think it's rude to ask someone to take their shoes off in your home?  Do you think it's rude to leave your shoes on in someone's home?  What about washing their hands?
No. But I live in Minnesota and you should see the mud rooms in most houses during the winter! Most people I know have an area they want you to leave your shoes in and I would never consider leaving my shoes on unless the host specifically told me to. As far as washing hands, I don't think think I've been asked to do that since I was a child and I would find it very strange if the host didn't have a specific reason for asking me to wash my hands.

Resa77

Biblio, I cracked up about "how germy I keep my hands is my business!"  lol.  As for the shoe thing, it really hurts my feet to walk around without shoes or slippers.  That's the main reason it bugs me.

maggieandrey

1.  For a really casual get-together, do you prefer to go to a friend's house, have them to your house, or meet somewhere outside the home?  Why?

I prefer to go out. Because I love food. I take casual get togethers as the opportunity to try soemthing new. Even if it's just a cupcake at a local bakery.

2.  When you tell your guest "help yourself" or "make yourself at home," do you really mean it?  What kinds of behaviors of guests do you find rude or off-putting?

I always tell guests to help themselves. But if I'm hosting guests, it's typically 10 or more. I rarely just have a couple people over (because then I'd just go out And I think it's impossible to wait on that many people at once. I will check on people periodically to see if I can get them anything, but would hate for somebody to just sit there thirsty.  I have honestly never encountered rude or off-putting behaviors from guests.

3.  As a guest, do you prefer a host who waits on you a bit, or are you the type of guest who helps herself?

It depends on the situation. There are friends I have that it would feel weird to be waited on. If it was somebody I didn't know well, I would prefer to be waited on as I get the hang of boundaries.

4. This one is a little off track, but somewhat related...do you think it's rude to ask someone to take their shoes off in your home?  Do you think it's rude to leave your shoes on in someone's home?  What about washing their hands?

My fiance is Asian, and his family always requires shoes off. What's weird is that most of his family only requires it if you go upstairs when it's carpeted. They don't care if you wear your shoes on the ground level that is hardwood/tile, etc. Also, everyone really just takes off shes and puts on slippers (usually flip-flops.) I actually prefer to walk around barefoot anyway, but they find *that* weird and offer me slippers.

I would never ask my guests to remove their shoes - but I always give them the option. I want my guests to be comfortable. I would also never make somebody wash their hands. Unless I saw something like them picking their nose (OK - that's what I'd find rude of a guest!)

bibliophile2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:08439f2f-9f64-439e-b468-5b650a3a8827Post:62d48243-d43b-422a-ba05-55a6900b483a">Re: Tuesday Questions!</a>:
[QUOTE]Biblio, I cracked up about "how germy I keep my hands is my business!"  lol.  As for the shoe thing, it really hurts my feet to walk around without shoes or slippers.  That's the main reason it bugs me.
Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

For the record, I <strong>do</strong> wash my hands frequently. I just think it would be weird to be asked to wash my hands unless there was a good reason for it.

Whoever mentioned the mudroom: I've never lived in a snowy, muddy area, but that makes a ton of sense to me as a good reason for ditching shoes!

Resa77

Yeah, if my shoe are muddy or dirty, I'll take them off ! That's a given!  And Biblio, I didn't think you were a germy-handed lady. 

Chloeagh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:08439f2f-9f64-439e-b468-5b650a3a8827Post:4f35c7e5-5d1e-4933-906d-e52698b0bae6">Re: Tuesday Questions!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tuesday Questions! : For the record, I do wash my hands frequently. I just think it would be weird to be asked to wash my hands unless there was a good reason for it. Whoever mentioned the mudroom: I've never lived in a snowy, muddy area, but that makes a ton of sense to me as a good reason for ditching shoes!
Posted by bibliophile2010[/QUOTE]
I was wondering if all of you live in dry areas. I would find it extremely rude if someone did not take their shoes, covered in snow, mud, and salt, off if they entered my house. Not only would I have to mop up their tracks, but the salt and mud would ruin the carpet! In the winter, I don't think hosts even bother to ask for that couresy. Thanksgiving and Christmas parties particularly bring to mind large piles of shoes by the door, no matter whose house I was at. My dad has special Christmas socks he shows off. But I guess if you never have to deal with shoes like that, it would be a different mindset. I know at summer gatherings, people are less likely to take their shoes off (as long as it isn't raining).

erin5286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:08439f2f-9f64-439e-b468-5b650a3a8827Post:c276b0a0-b81a-4e19-8666-259e91d1e58b">Re: Tuesday Questions!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tuesday Questions! : I was wondering if all of you live in dry areas. I would find it extremely rude if someone did not take their shoes, covered in snow, mud, and salt, off if they entered my house. Not only would I have to mop up their tracks, but the salt and mud would ruin the carpet! In the winter, I don't think hosts even bother to ask for that couresy. Thanksgiving and Christmas parties particularly bring to mind large piles of shoes by the door, no matter whose house I was at. My dad has special Christmas socks he shows off. But I guess if you never have to deal with shoes like that, it would be a different mindset. I know at summer gatherings, people are less likely to take their shoes off (as long as it isn't raining).
Posted by Chloeagh[/QUOTE]

This was kind of my mindset as well on the shoes issue - for a good part of the year here, the weather is such that if you walked around in someone's house after having just been outside, you would be leaving a messy trail for the host to clean up afterwards!  If I had people over on a day that there hadn't been rain/snow, or in the summer, I wouldn't care nearly as much if they left shoes on.

bibliophile2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:08439f2f-9f64-439e-b468-5b650a3a8827Post:4b760928-fd83-48c4-b9e0-64833588cff3">Re: Tuesday Questions!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, if my shoe are muddy or dirty, I'll take them off ! That's a given!  And Biblio, I didn't think you were a germy-handed lady. 
Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

I didn't think you did, but wanted to clarify <em>just in case. </em><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cool.gif" border="0" alt="Cool" title="Cool" />

Ciardasully

1.  For a really casual get-together, do you prefer to go to a friend's house, have them to your house, or meet somewhere outside the home?  Why?

I love having people over but I also like to visit people.  I am not against going out but DH and I are trying to save money (as are a lot of our engaged/married friends). 

2.  When you tell your guest "help yourself" or "make yourself at home," do you really mean it?  What kinds of behaviors of guests do you find rude or off-putting?

I like to wait on guests but if they do help themselves, that is okay.

3.  As a guest, do you prefer a host who waits on you a bit, or are you the type of guest who helps herself?

Again, it would depend on who it is and the situation.  As long as everyone is comfortable, then anything goes.

4. This one is a little off track, but somewhat related...do you think it's rude to ask someone to take their shoes off in your home?  Do you think it's rude to leave your shoes on in someone's home?  What about washing their hands?

I don't think it's rude.  I expect it.  But I don't require my guests to do it.