Flower girl age requirement? really upset...

gymchick05

This is my 1st time posting on this board, but I hope you guys can help me. I am so excited to get married in my home church and feel the church mass is the most important part of the wedding.

I booked w/ my church in April and have been begging them for info/guidelines/etc since them. I finally get them in the mail today- only ten months after I started asking. Anyway, my niece and Godchild, who is like my world, is my flower girl. I am so excited to have her in the wedding I found her dress months before mine. She will be 3 at the wedding, but she goes to mass every week, is very well behaved, follows directions, etc.

So today I read thru the packet and it says we cant have a flower girl or ring bearer under 5 years old! I am sooooooooo mad. This seems ridiculous to me. Has anyone else run into this? Any luck getting them to change for you? Im seriously considering changing churches on this Im so mad, and I dont want to not get married at my church, but come on...for one thing I know her and I know she will do fine, my sister, her mom, is the MOH and can even walk her down the isle. Im just so mad they couldnt have mentioned this to me when ive been asking for guidelines forever. And now its prob too late to even find a new church arrr

agapecarrie

Well, there is no liturgical purpose for a flower girl or ring bearer, so the fact that they actually allow it at all is charitable on their part. It is a made up role.

The age requirement comes from years and years of experience with children that do not know how to do the role, from the focus that the children pull during what is supposed to be a solemn liturgical procession.

My only suggestion would be to ask the priest if she can be allowed with an escort.

ring_pop

Talk to your priest before you get mad. See how firm they are with that requirement; perhaps they have not had good experiences with kids under 5. They may be willing to work with you.

Our FGs were 2 and 4.

ootmother2

I've never heard of an age restriction on anyone in the WP so I'm really no help.

IrishBrideND

our RB was 1.5

I'd talk to them in person.

lisa89760

I've never heard of an age requirement for a FG...just rules about throwing flowers etc.  I would just ask and if she is well behaved hopefully they will bend the rules. 

[Deleted User]

I would definitely talk to your priest or deacon. Our church's planning packet had something like that listed in it as well. However, our RB was 3 and our 2 FG's were a bit older. It worked out just fine bc our RB was a bit shy, but since the FG's were older, they helped him down the aisle.

To answer your question, there were several restrictions we had in order to get married in the Catholic church. For example, we were not allowed to have the Wedding March (due to its secular nature), no unity candle, no aisle runner (for safety purposes bc the floors were hardwood), no guest book at the church, no receiving line.

SaraAndrew2010

As PPs said, talk to your priest about the rule and see if they make exceptions.  My church didn't have any rule about it, but the pastor strongly discouraged child attendants.  We weren't planning on having a RB or FG anyway.

[Deleted User]

My Church has the same rule but the preist that is marrying us is great and said that if it was a problem he would be willing to discuss it with us.

Calypso1977

my SIL's church doenst allow children in teh wedding period.

sadly, this is so indicative of the majority of today's children that have parents who dont teach them how to behave.  ufnortunately, the good kids and parents miss out.

i would talk to the priest, and if possible, have him meet the child.  explain that there is a connection there in that she's your godchild.

does your godchild attend mass regularly?  if so, i woudl share that - shows that she, even at a young age, most likely knows how to behave in church.

a friend had a 2 and 3 year old in her wedding.  neither child had ever set foot in a church, and the parents were not good with discipline.  at hte rehearsal,  both children ran around wild on the altar, with the blessed sacrament present.  i was horrified.  the parents did nothing.  i can see why priests might not be keen on kids in weddings, but again, they shoudl be looked at on a case by case basis since some kids to know how to behave and have parents who  help them behave.

newlyseliski

Don't worry... just talk with the priest or deacon about it first!  The age restrictions are usually in place as just a precautionary measure.  Like Calypso said, a lot of kids are poorly disciplined and dont know how to behave properly in a church.  Just calmly explain the situation to your priest or deacon over the phone and I'm sure he'd be willing to make an exception considering the maturity and good behavior of your flower girl. 

Our parish restricts the age of younger wedding party members (FG & RB) to a minimum of 6... our deacon said he'd be willing to make an exception if we have any close family or friends with children that we'd like to include.  We probably won't have either, although are considering having his 3 1/2-year-old nephew as ringbearer potentially, which our deacon said would be fine as long as he behaved at the rehearsal

catarntina

If he doesn't allow her to be the FG, you could always not have her walk down the aisle.  She could still wear her pretty dress, and you could still take pictures with her, and announce her at the reception.  I'd still get her a little basket, etc.  She'd still be your FG.  Just wouldn't be able to stand up there with the adults.  I think that is reasonable compromise if you can't get him to agree to allow her in the WP at the church.

I had a RB, but he was 6 and his parents explained the importance of behaving in church.  Plus my priest is a priest at a Catholic school so he was used to working with children on a regular basis.

gymchick05

Thanks so much for all your comments. I am so happy to hear that some of you also had this rule but the church was willing to discuss it. My niece does go to church every sunday and really understands being quiet, has never run around at church and just sits quietly and plays w/ her stuffed animal. I just feel a lot better knowing that they make an exception because honestly, other than actually marrying my FI, seeing her as my FG is probably what I am most excited about haha

Jay&Marissa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_flower-girl-age-requirement-really-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:084c0769-4d3c-47d8-b6fe-bf30cb79c83fPost:f3d1aa39-2a4c-4ea9-ae70-e1ea823645bb">Re: Flower girl age requirement? really upset...</a>:
[QUOTE]. i would talk to the priest, and if possible, have him meet the child.  explain that there is a connection there in that she's your godchild. does your godchild attend mass regularly?  if so, i woudl share that - shows that she, even at a young age, most likely knows how to behave in church. [/QUOTE]

Yes--definitely. I think if you explain she will be well-behaved they might reconsider. I'm sorry--it really does suck.

HA! Our oldest flower girl (7 years old) was the PIA. I don't think it is age-dependent

soccerella7

as others said, i would talk to them and maybe even have them meet her if possible.  Or suggest her with an escort. It is probably there because so many kids misbehave or cry or just dont do what htey are supposed to, but if htey see how adiment (sp?) you are and how upset it is making you, they might be able to make an exception.....esp if she is just walking down the aisle and seated with mom after that

MissAngel

Speaking from experience, as I am on the wedding ministry, it is very difficult to control a child under 5.  I understand that some children are well behaved, but if the wedding falls around nap time and the flower girl has to walk down by herself, she is suddenly shy and doesn't want to go.  I have seen it many, many times.  It causes a scene and takes attention away from the bride since she is the next person up.

With that being said, we have a "recommendation" in our guidebook and it is not a "rule".  As pp mentioned, talk to the priest or wedding ministry person that is doing the wedding and they will usually make an exception.  We usually warn the bride of the possibilities and it's up to them whether or not they would like the child as part of the wedding party.

Another suggestion is to have her hand out programs in her dress and maybe some other duties to make her stand out.

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_flower-girl-age-requirement-really-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:084c0769-4d3c-47d8-b6fe-bf30cb79c83fPost:0e5d30d4-4db2-4c36-b83f-d8b784136352">Re: Flower girl age requirement? really upset...</a>:
[QUOTE] but if htey see how adiment (sp?) you are and how upset it is making you, they might be able to make an exception.....esp if she is just walking down the aisle and seated with mom after that
Posted by soccerella7[/QUOTE]


I kept going back and forth on whether I should respond to this, and then I read the next post so I decided to...

You probably don't mean this, but what you just said here is basically saying "be a bridezilla and throw a fit so you can get your way"

I don't think showing how upset you are and being adamant is the way to go about it.As the previous poster said, there are rules for a reason. Why does everyone think they are the exception?

Riss91

lol - I just had an image of a bridezilla stomping around and pouting like an immature little girl while trying to persuade a priest to accept that her little <flower> girl is indeed mature! I don't think that would work so well!