Catholic Weddings

Marrying a non-catholic

My FI is not Catholic and we were told by my church that the priest would not marry us and we had to be married by a deacon.  Also we are not allowed to have a full mass.  The rest of my family (who belong to other area catholic churches) say this is ridiculous and not an actual "rule".  Anyone else heard this?

Re: Marrying a non-catholic

  • edited December 2011
    I don't know about being married by a deacon, a priest should be able to. However, if both members aren't Catholic, you will not have a mass.
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  • beazzbeabeazzbea member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FI is not Catholic and we're being married by a priest and having a full mass. Maybe it's the rule of that particular church???
  • edited December 2011
    Many priests -- not just your parish -- won't do a full Mass if one spouse isn't Catholic, because the non-Catholic spouse won't be able to receive the Eucharist.  It's usually encouraged that interreligious couples have a ceremony, rather than Mass.  That said, I don't know that there is any rule outright prohibiting Nuptial Masses for interreligious couples.I guess my question is, why do you want a Nuptial Mass, if your FI won't be able to receive the Eucharist?  Whatever that reason is, talk to your priest about it and explain your motivations.
  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    whether or not you can have mass for a mixed marriage varies by priest.  it used to always be that you could not.  now, things have changed.  perhaps this priest is older and more traditional, wich would explain his thinking in not wanting to marry you either.  back in the day, it was rare for a non-catholic to marry a catholic. is there anything else in your discussions that may have made the priest uneasy about marrying you?  Is your FI an atheist or a strong believer in another faith?  if so, the priest may have doubts about your marriage and whether your children will be raised in a catholic home.  that may be why he's not comfortable marrying you.  can you get married in the church of one of your family members instead?
  • TeaForMeTeaForMe member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My fiance isn't catholic either (I am). The only issue we had was fiance's "Catholic" (non-practicing) friend telling him the priest wouldn't marry us unless fiance converted. And if he didn't convert, it wouldn't be a "real" marriage. Thank God fiance knew better than to believe his friend! :)As others have said, a nuptial mass should be an option, but not recommended since your fiance won't be able to participate in the eucharist and to me, that seems awkward. Unless your fiance is planning to convert before the wedding? You could ask the church again about this issue - or just try another church.
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  • edited December 2011
    The only difference between full mass and sacrament is communion. Yes typically mass is only done if both bride and groom can recieve communion. We had sacrament only due to DH not being Catholic. However priest vs decon will vary by Parish. I brought in my family priest to do my wedding ( he has done every family wedding since my grandparents) but had I not my parish priest would have done it.  
  • edited December 2011
    It all depends on the parish and church. There are no "set" rules. I am catholic and my FI is presbyterian. We are just have a ceremony by a Priest but we had the option of a full mass and chose not to have one. Good Luck.
  • edited December 2011
    My FI has never even been baptized.  My priest is marrying us and although we did have the option of a full mass, we decided to just do the ceremony.  I would try another parish if its important to you to get married by a priest.
  • edited December 2011
    Some priests/parishes won't do a full mass if one of you isn't catholic.  It seems that your priest is one of them.  In larger churches, the Deacon, rather than the priest, performs ceremony only weddings.  (This is the case in my church.)  I think this is why.  If you have a close relationship with the priest, he would probably make an exeption.
  • edited December 2011
    FI isn't Catholic, but my priest is marrying us, and we chose to have the ceremony only, no Communion.  PPs may be right that maybe it is that particular priest/church?
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  • agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If the non-catholic is not baptized, then there cannot be a full mass. If the non-Catholic is baptized, canon law allows for the option of a full mass, but great care must be given. This is from a church document: Sacramentum Caritatis Wherever circumstances make it impossible to ensure that the meaning of the Eucharist is duly appreciated, the appropriateness of replacing the celebration of the Mass with a celebration of the word of God should be considered. (153)The reason the priest leaves it to the deacon when there isn't a mass is actually because that is what the deacon is for. To assist the priest. A priest isn't necessary for the marriage, only the mass.
  • ChihuahuaGolfChihuahuaGolf member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FI is not Catholic either - but we are having a full mass. He will recieve a blessing instead of communion. I was nervous about asking to have a full mass, because I have heard that you are generally encouraged not to if both of you cannot participate. Our priest, however, was thrilled that we wanted a mass, and commended FI for being open to something so important to me, even though he couldn't full participate. I think this is just another of those things where it varies from church to church and priest to priest. I believe, as others have said, that the deacon part is just because for "just a ceremony," a priest is not technically needed. It is just saving the priest's time. Perhaps you could try talking to your priest (together, with your FI) and you can discuss how important it is to you. If marrying in another church in the area is an option since you have family there, you might want to look into that too.
  • edited December 2011
    My FI isn't Catholic and we're getting married by a priest. We had the option of have a mass, but (even before talking to the priest) decided not to. Our priest said that he would do a mass for us, but he recommended that we just have the ceremony due to the fact that FI isn't Catholic and (quoting the priest) "It would be weird to have you (me) receiving the Eucharist and your FI just standing there twidling his thumbs." The "rules" do vary parish to parish, so this may be why your priest told you this. And it will still be considered a valid marriage in the church. Technically you don't need a priest to perform the ceremony. During a wedding the priest is there as a witness. Marriage is the only sacrament performed by the persons recieving it instead of the priest.
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  • procowarner15procowarner15 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Every church and priest is different on this. There is no written rule and so each priest can pretty much decided what they want to do. Our priest is marry me and my non-catholic fiance. And we choose to not have a full mass but he did give us the option, with the suggestion that we do not.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm a Catholic bride with a non-Catholic groom, and I'm kind of torn on this issue myself. I'm pretty sure our priest will let us do whatever we want. My cousin married a non-Catholic and had a mass. My mom pointed out that it's kind of bad symbolism, if you can't share the Eucharist. The whole ceremony is about how you're going to share your whole lives, and then there's this glaring and crucial thing that you're NOT sharing, right there in the ceremony. That's one of the things about him not being Catholic that bothers me the most. Communion is really important to me and I'd love to be able to share that with my fiance. At the same time, I feel my relatives (who will be the vast majority of the guests) expect a mass. I almost feel like it's rude NOT to give them a mass and get their Sunday obligation out of the way. That way they can stay up late partying and not worry about going to church the next day. Besides, without a mass, the ceremony is over in like 5 minutes. There's nothing to it. Also, there's a part of me that will feel like I've missed out on a blessing from God or something, like the Church hasn't sanctified our marriage, if we don't have a mass.
  • edited December 2011
    I think you should look into having your wedding at a different church with a different Priest. I think that he may not believe in interfaith marriages and therefore will not perform the ceremony.  To be recognized by the Catholic church, one of you must be Catholic.But as far as the mass goes... It probably just depends on your church. When my parents got married, they had a full mass with their wedding and only my mom was Catholic.. my dad is not. And yes a priest can marry you , it does not "need" to be a deacon. I think it's just your church and Priest. Your family is right, that is ridiculous.
  • edited December 2011
    " I think you should look into having your wedding at a different church with a different Priest. I think that he may not believe in interfaith marriages and therefore will not perform the ceremony. To be recognized by the Catholic church, one of you must be Catholic.But as far as the mass goes... It probably just depends on your church. When my parents got married, they had a full mass with their wedding and only my mom was Catholic.. my dad is not. And yes a priest can marry you , it does not "need" to be a deacon. I think it's just your church and Priest. Your family is right, that is ridiculous."I would be willing to bet that, as PP suggested, it's not that it "needs" to be a deacon, just that at this parish (which may be quite large), the non-Mass weddings are performed by a deacon.There's no specific prohibition against Mass when one spouse is baptized but isn't Catholic, but as some PPs have pointed out, it is discouraged because the non-Catholic spouse cannot receive communion.  Also, someone quoted canon law, which was helpful.  If the non-Catholic spouse is not baptized, Church law does prohibit a Nuptial Mass.  So, if the OP's fiance is not baptized, then the priest is correct when he says that they cannot have a Nuptial Mass -- canon law prohibits it.  If her fiance is baptized in another Christian denomination, then this is probably just this parish's policy.
  • jfarr6jfarr6 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My now husband is not Catholic, has not been baptized, and we had a full mass.  It really does depend on your church.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm late on this one, but I'm Catholic and my fiance is not. He is also not baptized. My parish priest recommended we not have a full Mass. He likened it to inviting people into your home but not allowing them to eat. He agreed to do it, though, because it is important to me and my family. My dad is a Eucharistic Minister, serves on Parish Council, and counts the collection every Sunday. He also worked at the A&P with this priest when they were in high school, so they go way back and the priest knows how important it is to my dad. He did, however, have to send for a papal dispensation to do the Mass. And, of course, my fiance agreed to raise our children in the Church. For what it's worth, a wedding Mass does not "count" toward your Sunday obligation. I read in a previous post that it's rude not to offer the Mass to your guests, but it doesn't matter because it does not count as a Saturday vigil.
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