who's doing NFP? anyone have resistance from their fiance?

LilyAnna06

I'm getting married in 4 1/2 months and my fiance isn't convinced on doing NFP. I know that his biggest opposition to it is that we'll get pregnant. His feelings seem lukewarm about it, but it's hard to know if he's actually considering it or just trying to make me happy. I'm positive that he's the type of Catholic who grew up thinking NFP just led to unintended pregnancies and that no one actually used it. I'm sure that me wanting to do it has him thinking about it for the first time ever, and I'm sure it's hard to wrap your head around after spending your entire life thinking it was ridiculous. We have mutual friends who got married this summer (he knew the guy from HS, I met the girl through St. Vincent dePaul) who are using NFP, and considering that the girl is a med student, I know they're serious about not having children now. You'd think that having friends doing it would help, but it doesn't seem to. He hasn't said no, and we tell each other we're going to make this decision together, but unlike most things in marriage, this isn't something I can compromise on. To top it off, there's probably a greater thn 50% chance that I have tubal infertility from scar tissue from five major surgeries for ulcerative colitis, which then makes me upset about the possibility of NOT having children and renders this whole NFP thing moot. I'm actually considering getting the CT scan that will tell me if my tubes are blocked, and at least if they are, we'd get to enjoy the one perk of infertility- not worrying about NFP! OK, so this is part question, part confused emotional tanget... feel free to answer or ignore whatever you want.

Calypso1977

Lily, there are several of us on here who are doing NFP.  its a great place for support, guidance and questions.if you have not already purchased it, i highly recommend "taking charge of your fertility".  it teaches the NFP method, and its taught from a completely medical vs. religious standpoint.  ive been charting for 6 months now.  its so easy once you have teh hang of it!  i see you are about 4 months or so away from your wedding.  if you want to do this method, i HIGHLY recommend starting your charts now, especially if you've been on the pill or other hormones as it may take some time to establish regular cycles.NFP typically fails due to lack of self control.  its pretty clear to tell when your fertile period is.  we follow the "wehn in doubt don't do it" philosophy.  i think the folks that end up pregnant on this method do not err on the side of caution.my husband is completley on board with the method and is happy to have me off hormones, etc.  i think it would be difficult to do it without complete spousal agreement.good luck, and if you have questions, fire away.  there are numerous threads on this board already - read them and share with your FI.

Riss91

I completely agree with Calypso. It is not that difficult - it may take a few cycles before you really feel confident about it, but if you read the book mentioned above, you will find that when people use this method correctly it has the same success rate as other forms of BC.You really need to be on the same page about it. My husband is 100% supportive and is actually involved in the process with me. That makes it a million times better. Ask that your FI learn about it as well - he may feel more confident about it if he's following along with you.There are a ton of girls on this board as well as the Getting Pregnant board on the Nest that can help you with reviewing and deciphering your charts...about 99% of them have read TCOYF - so go and get yourself a copy (and a thermometer).

caitriona87

If you read up on the studies that have been done on NFP, it is ridiculously effective when you follow the rules. (At least two studies reported zero unintended pregnancies out of tens of thousands of cycles.) It's been my experience that most people who had "accidents" with it will admit, when pressed, that they fudged the rules. I sort of have the opposite issue with my husband--if it were up to him, we'd throw out the charts and just see what happens. It sometimes causes some tension but we've compromised. Another great thing about NFP--it can be exactly as effective as you want it to be. We use a rule that's something like 90% effective instead of the usual 99%.

Laura&Kieran

I agree with what others said but my main piece of advice is for you to go to the dr first and get checked out fully since you mentioned issues with your tubes.

Jay&Marissa

It will be much easier if you can get him on board--if anything, it's nice that both of you are responsible for your fertility as a couple, and it isn't all just on one person. DF actually gets relatively into it--he's a science geek and thinks it's cool...That being said, good luck with your fertility issues--I really hope you are able to have a child someday, when you are ready

GulfCoaster

As PPs said, NFP can be as effective as you want it to be. I've been married for 2.5 years, and using NFP that whole time -- and we have not had any unexpected pregnancies. Like Calypso, we are of the "when in doubt, don't do it" school of thought. If we fudged the rules, then the effectiveness would go down. I have another friend who successfully used NFP to avoid pregnancy for 3 years until she finished med school. There are many studies out there on the effectiveness of NFP, and most have found that it's at least as effective as hormonal BC pills when you follow the rules. A couple of studies even ended up with zero unintended pregnancies. Plus, the bright side is that you don't have any of the potential side effects of hormonal BC. I wish you luck in dealing with your potential fertility issues.

akleczyn

check out the creighton method and find a teacher there - http://www.creightonmodel.com/teacherlocation.htm
this method not only helps with regular charting, but helps doctors with diagnosing problems. i would suggest reading up on it, this organization has been doing some really cool stuff. that way when you want to get pregnant, it will help i read somewhere that nfp is actually a more effective way for fertility challenged couples to get pregnant than in vitro.