Thoughts on "T&P"?

lalaith50

So I admit that I only recently figured out that T&P means "thoughts&prayers." (what? not "thanks&praise?!" haha...)

and I also have to admit that the whole idea of "sending thoughts" really kind of bothers me, especially when it's coming from a Christian.

So I realize that non-Christians aren't going to send up "prayers," cuz obviously they don't believe that they will do any good, but I can't help but asking "what good do 'thoughts' do anyone?! save your time!" every time I hear someone asking something like, "thoughts and prayers needed please!"

If I have a difficult situation, then I don't see what good anything besides prayers (even if the giver doesn't necessarily believe in them!) are going to do!

So when people ask for T&Ps, they're just trying to include everyone, right?

But does the idea of saying you're going to "send thoughts" bother anyone else? (Especially if you're a Christian? Once again; won't prayers do a whole lot more good?!)

I'm curious-- even for someone who doesn't believe in "prayers," do they honestly think that "thoughts" are going to do them any good? Why bother asking for them? (Or saying you're give them.)

(ok, I really think we should avoid letting this turn into "how dare you judge people who are trying to be helpful," but I'm curious to hear others thoughts about this, especially from a Christian perspective!) :-)

Riss91

I see your point and I do think it is a way of including everyone.

But I think there is something to knowing that others are thinking about you. If I got a little note from a friend just letting me know they were thinking of me, it would lift my spirits. So I don't necessarily think you can't do both, even as a Christian.

I (personally - and I'm sure many of you would agree) feel prayer is more powerful, so if I heard someone was praying for me, I would be elated and humbled at the same time.

mica178

One of my priest friends made the analogy of young families that come to Mass.  Sometimes the parents will spend the whole Mass trying to comfort a fussy child rather than pay attention to Mass.  Does that mean that the parent should have stayed at home rather than attend church?  No, because he/she gained the benefit of the love and worship around him/her.

How can we differentiate thoughts and prayers?  Non-religious people probably don't pray, they just think.  For the rest of us, we do both. 

I suppose the problem is that most people think about prayer as just being prayers of petition and adoration.  If I'm worried about a friend, I will pray to God to protect that friend.  But that friend will also be in my thoughts, I'll be worried and concerned, be brainstorming for solutions to the friend's problem, be talking the matter over with my husband for his opinion etc.  Some might argue that those thoughts are prayers of love.  Others will just think of them as thoughts.  No matter what, I think those thoughts can be helpful.  My husband often says that I think too much and pray too little,  That might be true, but it depends on if you think that those thoughts I have are God-sent or secular.

caitriona87

I'm mixed. If someone means "I'll be thinking about you" that's a different thing from "sending good vibes/thoughts/etc." If it's directed toward me, the first means something and the second makes me go "huh?"

In a way it does annoy me for the reasons you mentioned, lalaith, but we could also try to come at it from a positive angle--in a way, it reveals the intrinsic human desire for God/the eternal/the transcendant, etc. If you're a totally nonreligious person who doesn't pray, what good are 'thoughts' going to possibly do? But it's an expression of a reality (there is a God who hears us, especially when  we intercede for others) that is written in our hearts but difficult to properly decipher without a good formation in revealed Truth. If that makes any sense at all.

mica178

Cait, I guess that's further proof that there is a God.  Even atheists will say that they're thinking of a person that they love as a means of support.  They might not realize that the Holy Spririt is present in those thoughts too.

lalaith50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_thoughts-tp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:13fe8d9d-62d0-438e-a81c-a06752ca7805Post:fabde52d-e4e0-44e9-a495-21af822e91cf">Re: Thoughts on "T&P"?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm mixed. If someone means "I'll be thinking about you" that's a different thing from "sending good vibes/thoughts/etc." If it's directed toward me, the first means something and the second makes me go "huh?"
Posted by caitriona87[/QUOTE]
yeah, I think maybe me issue is that most of the time when I hear people saying something like that, I *do* interpret it like "sending good vibes" and so I'm like, "ugh!"<div>good point that it could mean either!</div>

shawna127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_thoughts-tp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:13fe8d9d-62d0-438e-a81c-a06752ca7805Post:df38ccc6-dd1b-4f8b-ad37-e7cb8eed68a4">Re: Thoughts on "T&P"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Cait, I guess that's further proof that there is a God.  Even atheists will say that they're thinking of a person that they love as a means of support.  They might not realize that the Holy Spririt is present in those thoughts too.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]
Love this!!

shawna127

lalaith- I wonder if you saw my recent post and that's why you asked. I wrote "many kind thoughts and prayers headed your way"

I agree with Riss, it's nice to know that someone is thinking about you in hard times.  But I also think that thoughts can't really do anything unless put into action.  Maybe in my post I should have put a comma after thoughts.  But I do believe that prayer is very powerful and I would ask for prayer before I asked someone to "feel" for me.  I guess it just sounds weird to send thoughts, but it's always hard to know what to say to comfort someone when they are hurting and you say things that come out weird or don't make sense.

lalaith50

shawna-- oh, no, I definitely wasn't referring to you! It's a phrase that I see a LOT, so I wasn't thinking of any specific person! :-)

shawna127

Oh I was just wondering because I had originally felt kind of weird writing that part and then you had that post up and I was like oops it really did sound weird lol )

rcj2rcd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_thoughts-tp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:13fe8d9d-62d0-438e-a81c-a06752ca7805Post:df22db92-1440-488b-b6ed-006b6f192678">Thoughts on "T&P"?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I admit that I only recently figured out that T&P means "thoughts&prayers." (what? not "thanks&praise?!" haha...) and I also have to admit that the whole idea of "sending thoughts" really kind of bothers me, especially when it's coming from a Christian. So I realize that non-Christians aren't going to send up "prayers," cuz obviously they don't believe that they will do any good, but I can't help but asking "what good do 'thoughts' do anyone?! save your time!" every time I hear someone asking something like, "thoughts and prayers needed please!" If I have a difficult situation, then I don't see what good anything besides prayers (even if the giver doesn't necessarily believe in them!) are going to do! <strong>So when people ask for T&Ps, they're just trying to include everyone, right?</strong> But does the idea of saying you're going to "send thoughts" bother anyone else? (Especially if you're a Christian? Once again; won't prayers do a whole lot more good?!) I'm curious-- even for someone who doesn't believe in "prayers," do they honestly think that "thoughts" are going to do them any good? Why bother asking for them? (Or saying you're give them.) (ok, I really think we should avoid letting this turn into "how dare you judge people who are trying to be helpful," but I'm curious to hear others thoughts about this, especially from a Christian perspective!) :-)
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

I think this is it - plus, it's a common saying (i.e. - my thoughts and prayers are with you). I've noticed that some posters will say "positive vibes" or just "thoughts". IMO, "prayers" is the only effective part of the saying, but I have a Christian perspective and prayer is a part of my everyday life.

From another perspective, the "thoughts" part could do some good. If someone thinks about you and your situation during the day they are more likely to do something good, lend a helping hand, or cherish a moment more than normal. Them thinking about you doesn't have a direct impact as prayer would, but it's better than nothing.

Resa77

It doesn't really bother me, in particular, but I can definitely see why it would!  I kind of think of it as a way of "tricking" non-prayers into praying for you lol.  In my imagination, the non-prayer thinks "Please let so-and-so's surgery go well" or "I really hope she does well on her test" and God hears that (because He hears all things) and does what He does with any other request. 

I don't know....in my understanding, I like to think that God listens to/responds the requests of those who don't realize He's listening at all!  This theory of mine isn't necessarily based on any formal religious belief; it's just , for whatever reason, the way I've always perceived "prayer" vs "positiive thoughts" and the like. 

Bison1376

Sometimes it helps just knowing that someone believes in your ability to work through the situation.

doctabroccoli

I think I personally use the T&P acronym around here because I'm used to posting other places with people of varying beliefs.  That being said, I do think there is a difference between thinking about someone and praying for them, like PPs have said.  Basically, I can think of someone..... for example, my best friend and her boyfriend bought their first house a few weeks back.  I sometimes think to myself, "I wonder how they're doing with the new digs.  I hope they like them!"

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_thoughts-tp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:13fe8d9d-62d0-438e-a81c-a06752ca7805Post:7cd14294-ffde-49c4-aae3-5c7e632e7d87">Re: Thoughts on "T&P"?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I personally use the T&P acronym around here because I'm used to posting other places with people of varying beliefs.  That being said, I do think there is a difference between thinking about someone and praying for them, like PPs have said.  Basically, I can think of someone..... for example, my best friend and her boyfriend bought their first house a few weeks back.  I sometimes think to myself, "I wonder how they're doing with the new digs.  I hope they like them!"
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]

this^

but why do you think that non Christians don't pray?

doctabroccoli

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_thoughts-tp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:13fe8d9d-62d0-438e-a81c-a06752ca7805Post:af5c7701-1f65-46a3-aef7-e5c0fb76720b">Re: Thoughts on "T&P"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thoughts on "T&P"? :  
but why do you think that non Christians don't pray?
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

Is that directed at me? 

I know that people besides Christians pray.  But it has also been brought to my attention by posters on TK as well as IRL that requesting prayers is offensive to some people who don't believe in a higher power.

ootmother2

No Docta, a couple of the pps mentioned Christian prayer.  Sorry, I should have quoted them instead.

ootmother2

"So I realize that non-Christians aren't going to send up "prayers," cuz obviously they don't believe that they will do any good, but I can't help but asking "what good do 'thoughts' do anyone?! save your time!" every time I hear someone asking something like, "thoughts and prayers needed please!"

If I have a difficult situation, then I don't see what good anything besides prayers (even if the giver doesn't necessarily believe in them!) are going to do!"

from above

mica178

I'm guessing that person meant atheists.  I believe that many if not most people who believe in a higher power have some sort of prayer.

lmeade62

For me, thoughts and prayers mean "I will be praying for you" and "I am thinking of you." Not sure where I would send thoughts! LOL.

Linda

lalaith50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_thoughts-tp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:13fe8d9d-62d0-438e-a81c-a06752ca7805Post:af5c7701-1f65-46a3-aef7-e5c0fb76720b">Re: Thoughts on "T&P"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thoughts on "T&P"? : this^ but why do you think that non Christians don't pray?
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]
ummm...I think that the vast majority of non-Christians (especially in the U.S.) would themselves say they rarely or never pray. (but if that doesn't seem as obvious to other people as it does to me, then I'm not sure how we're going to create a poll about it or something if we wanted to use this as a point of argument!)<div>
</div><div>That is half the issue of this whole discussion-- If people DO pray, then why would we need to say that we will "send thoughts" for them? (I would answer that's why it seems obvious that we are trying to "include" everyone by not just using the exclusive wording of "prayers", since many people don't pray.)</div>

mica178

Lala, I think OOT was saying that there are people of religions other than Christians who pray.  Like Jews, Muslims, etc.

MopsieB

I DO think that parents of young children who spend the entire mass dealing with their kids (and annoying everyone around them) should stay home! What has happened to respecting others? Churches need to provide a sanctuary and a place of thoughtful, focused prayer for EVERYONE. I'm sick and tired of seeing kids with snacks, toys and other entertainment coming to church every week and not paying any attention at all to what mass is about. Parents today seem to think that everyone should dote on their kids and cater to their kids' every wish and need. It explains the sense of entitlement we are already beginning to see in today's teens and 20-somethings. I'm not anti-kid but I am anti-self-involvement and this idea that church is just for "me" is wrong. It's a place of community, where EVERY member deserves to belong and where God, not screaming kids, should be the focal point. From a very early age, I was told to face the altar at all times, to not talk or fight with my brother, not chew gum and pay attention. My mother always said that one hour a week is not very much of a sacrifice and so it should be all about God. Last week in church, there was a girl who had to be 8 or even 10 years old and she spent the entire mass playing with toys on the pew, never facing the altar. Her mother just let her kids play like that. My thought was, Why bring the kids? Why even come? If we misbehaved, my mother took us out. And there were no toys, believe me! I wish parishes would bring back the cry rooms and encourage new parents to respect others and recognize that churches are not daycare.