Catholic/Protestant Predicament

KHollyTX

Ladies,

I'm protestant and my fiance is Catholic.  We just found out over the weekend from the priest he had hoped would marry us at the Filter Building that not only is he not allowed to perform a marriage outside of church walls, but if my fiance gets married outside of the church he will no longer be allowed to take communion.

Without going into too many details let me just say that our desire to get married outside of the church had nothing to do with snubbing the church and we still want a religious ceremony.  Do any of you know if there is any wiggle room?  My fiance' is too furious at the moment to do any further investigating.  I'm not a Catholic and so I really don't know much about how all of this works, but I don't want my future husband to not be able to take part in communion.

Any help or advice would be MUCH appreciated.

Thanks!

professorscience

Oh good, you followed my advice before I even gave it!

I responded on the DFW board, so I'm not going to repost.  I'll just say that you and your FI are in my prayers!

Riss91

It is true that the Catholic Church requires marriage ceremonies to take place within the walls of a Catholic Church. There are instances where dispensations are given to be married in another Christian church. For instance, if a relative is a member of the clergy and the couple wishes their relative to perform the ceremony. Dispensations are not given to be married in other locations (like outside, or at a non-religious hall).

I would contact your priest (contact more than one - not all priests are up to speed with all the rules unfortunately) and explain your situation. They will be able to guide you.

I can understand the frustration, but this is something your FI should have discussed as soon as you began your planning. Hopefully you can still work it all out! It would be terrible if you chose to have a ceremony that would place your FI out of good standing with his faith. Best wishes!

KHollyTX

Thanks for the clarification.  I don't want to have a ceremony that would place him out of good standing with his faith, but I think at the moment he's too upset to do any further research or consideration.  He's kind of digging in his heels and throwing up his arms in frustration.

I'm happy to get married in a Catholic church.  Hopefully he'll cool off enough to reconsider it.

Thanks again.  We've got a lot to think about.

Riss91

Poor guy! Tell him it's going to be fine... things will work out!!! You can call the priest yourself (or have one of his family members do it) if it will help him feel less stressed. Hang in there!!

agapecarrie

When someone gets upset about a rule, they usually don't understand why its there. There are reasons for the rule--- and its not to make life harder, its to keep sacred things sacred. The book "Spirit of the Liturgy" by now Pope Benedict (Cardinal Ratzinger) explains the importance of the church walls, the history of the temple, etc.

bibliophile2010

I agree with others. Give him a chance to cool off and, in the mean time, talk to his priest yourself (or recruit someone to do it) and get all the information about what would happen if you had the wedding at the Catholic Church. I found in planning my wedding that often my FI was better with "here are some options" or "here is what I am considering" than the fine details.

I applaud you for being so considerate of his faith, asking good questions, and wanting him to stay in good standing with the Church. It sounds like you guys really are on the same page with all of this, which is awesome to see, and I will keep you in my prayers.

Jay&Marissa

I saw your post on the other board and wanted to echo Fr. Alphonse is great.

Someone on the other board mentioned having a priest at your ceremony to bless it and make it valid...anybody here ever heard anything about this? Unless they are talking about convalidation, I'm not sure if that is legit...and convalidation isn't exactly an ideal option for your situation either.

agapecarrie

Depending on where it is, a priest may come to a wedding "off-site" ...such as a protestant church where the non-catholic's parent is a pastor. 

There won't be a dispensation given just because they picked a secular site to get married.