I'm Catholic marrying a Lutheran

ashieannie

Hello All!

Here is the background.  I'm Catholic, and both sides of my family are stout catholics as well.  I have a strong faith in my religion.  My Fiance is Lutherand and he also has strong faith in his religion.  We are getting married at my small town catholic church.  We go to each other's services during the weekend, mine Saturday his Sunday.  We both say faith, not particularly our religion, is the most important thing in our lives.  Here is the thing My mom today had to put her nose into it, she only does this because she cares about me I know, but still he and I can do this together and make choices together.  She is all worried about me switching religions, and about our kids not being raised Catholic, in which I want them to be, just don't know how to convince him yet.  We took our FOCCUS test this past Sunday, and I'm calling the priest tomorrow.  Any tips or suggestions for me?  I had a few tears today after I got back home from talking to my mom about this.  Don't suggest that we should break up because we won't because I feel like God will be the center of our lives but with two different religions.

Ashley

Riss91

Hello! I'm not sure if your question is what to do with your mother, or what to do about your FI not being okay with raising your children Catholic. :-)  I think it's essential to be on the same page regarding your children. In fact, part of the Catholic wedding ceremony is attesting that you will do just that (even if one spouse is not Catholic). So, technically, if both of you are not okay and content with raising the children Catholic, you should not be married in the Catholic church. I know that sounds harsh, but that's the way it is. I realize it's not an easy topic to discuss, and having your mother's pressure doesn't make it easier. Let her know that you completely understand her concerns, and that she has to trust that you will work it out on your own. Definitely set aside some time to discuss with your FI how he feels about the situation. Be reception, calm, understanding and express your feelings in a non-threatening way. Hopefully it will all work out! Best of luck!

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholic-marrying-lutheran?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:215c3d7b-58f0-4d9e-923b-49292126637fPost:f0df198c-cd34-4c81-8ba1-274525ae979b">I'm Catholic marrying a Lutheran</a>:
[QUOTE]  She is all worried about me switching religions, and about our kids not being raised Catholic, in which I want them to be, just don't know how to convince him yet.   Ashley
Posted by ashieannie[/QUOTE]

I am the last person you would call devout Catholic - my wedding will be nondenominational and blessed in the Greek Orthodox church - but this is an issue you can't put off discussing.   If raising your children Catholic is important to you, the reasons for doing so should be easy for you to state.  This shouldn't be a matter of convincing, it should be a matter of agreeing.

Theresa626

HOnestly, as long as you both have strong belief if God I really don't think it's that big of a deal that you are in two different denominations.  People have had happy marriages with way more of a religious difference than that.  Since you both respect each other's religions, that makes it even better.  About the kids, you should really have a talk with him about that now. You may have to compromise on what religion to raise them if he is unwilling to change so just make sure you know that going in.  

ndnikki06

Talk to your FI!  Just sit down and talk about it.  I am in a very similar situation with our religions.  I thought there was no way my FI would agree to raising future children catholic.  When I finally told him my thoughts he was completely okay with it.  This is a topic that you really need to be on the same page with before you're married. 

clearheavens

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholic-marrying-lutheran?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:215c3d7b-58f0-4d9e-923b-49292126637fPost:2e3e79c3-eeee-4aeb-a359-ec4b11dc94a5">Re: I'm Catholic marrying a Lutheran</a>:
[QUOTE]In fact, part of the Catholic wedding ceremony is attesting that you will do just that (even if one spouse is not Catholic). So, technically, if both of you are not okay and content with raising the children Catholic, you should not be married in the Catholic church. I know that sounds harsh, but that's the way it is.
Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto this.</div><div>
</div><div>I think it's wonderful that you both have a great love for Christ.  But I just wanted to share with you my experiences.</div><div>
</div><div>I also dated a devout Protestant before I met FI, and the most difficult part was when we had theological issues.  These issues were mostly in the form of how he thinks when I pray the Rosary, the issue of interpreting Holy Scriptures through the authority of the Catholic Church and not sola scriptura, and how I worship at Mass, specifically how I believe the centerpiece of my faith and my worship to be the Eucharist and my belief in its transubstantiation.</div><div>
</div><div>If my former bf weren't a devout Protestant, I think that he could overlook these differences easily.  But he believed that these beliefs were in err, even though we still loved each other.  So it was cringing to him.  It wasn't religion that broke us up, btw, I'm <em>not</em> telling you an anecdotal story!  I even think we could've even married and be happy still.  I just don't know about if we were to have kids.</div><div>
</div><div><strong>Will your FI be ok with these theological differences and be willing to raise your children Catholic?</strong>  He would have to be 100% ok, otherwise, your children may, at best, be confused or lukewarm Catholics.</div>

mica178

I responded in your XP, but I wanted to say that my mother is Catholic, my father is Presbyterian, and when they decided to get married, they agreed beforehand that any children they had would be raised Catholic.  My father attended Mass with us, saw our first Communion, etc. 

The important thing is that you talk with your FI about your wishes and beliefs now.  Among other reasons, you are supposed to promise to raise your children as Catholics if you want to get married in the church.  But also it's better to have these tough decisions discussed before you move forward with the engagement.

Calypso1977

please do yourself a HUGE favor and have this conversation NOW, and if need be, postpone or cancel the wedding if you cannto come to an agreement.  there will be so many problems if this is not resolve prior to marriage and prior to a child being brought into this world.

honestly, if you want them raised catholic, you really shouldnt be bringing them to the lutheran church.  they should only be attending teh catholic church,  you are in this routine now....does your FI expect it to continue?  i woudl think he does, since it woudl be odd to attend both churches now adn then cease doing so once you have a child.

SheTeaches

I am a Catholic who married a Lutheran (LCMS pastor's kid, for goodness' sake) and we have done well for 32 years.  We discussed and decided between the two of us how we would do everything, from church attendance to rearing children.  Then when we became formally engaged and it was time to involve our parents in our wedding plans, we just told them "This is what we have decided." And expected them to accept our decisions.  It was okay.  His parents were not overjoyed at first, but my family and I treated them with respect and they relaxed, accepted and grew to love me, too.

Our children were baptized and reared Catholic.  They are grown and practicing Catholics today.  We attended both churches every Sunday, but were more involved socially in my husband's which is a very small congregation.  My husband grew up in that congregation, and our family was loved and supported by our dear Lutheran friends.  Our kids got a double-dose of Scripture, sometimes two sermons on the same topic on the same day, both Sunday School and CCD, and parents who treated each other's faith with respect. 

Talk to your fiance.  Talk to your priest.  Make your decisions together, then explain it to your mother, calmly.  She wants to know that you have worked it out and are confident with your decisions.  She wants to know that she taught you well.  She wants lots of other things for your future, too.  Promise her you will teach your children with love and ask for help when you need it.  You'll be okay.

JeanninePC99

I'm sorry to say that many of you are very wrong.

Perhaps you are just going off of what you have been told.  Happily, I'm in academia and am surrounded by some well-read experts in Canon Law, both lay folks and priests.

It may be helpful to read this, written by the Catholic chaplain at Brandeis University.  It's a lovely, simple piece that shows how open and caring the Catholic Church is. There are procedural things that those considering an interfaith marriage need to do, but at the end of the day, the Church is far more welcoming and supportive that some here are saying it is.

http://www.interfaithfamily.com/life_cycle/weddings/A_Catholic_Priests_Perspective_on_Interfaith_Marriage.shtml

OR

http://tinyurl.com/29hp2hc

(if that first link is too long)

Riss91

Jeannine, I'm struggling to see where many of the ladies in this post were wrong, based on your link. No one said inter-faith marriages were not allowed in the church. And based on Canon Law (click here for direct link):

CHAPTER VI.

MIXED MARRIAGES

Can.  1124 Without express permission of the competent authority, a marriage is prohibited between two baptized persons of whom one is baptized in the Catholic Church or received into it after baptism and has not defected from it by a formal act and the other of whom is enrolled in a Church or ecclesial community not in full communion with the Catholic Church.

Can.  1125 The local ordinary can grant a permission of this kind if there is a just and reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions have been fulfilled:

1/ the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;

JeanninePC99

Holy moly...I replied to the wrong thread!  So sorry!

I had been in a thread where people were telling some poor girl that she was commiting a mortal sin for marrying someone outside of her faith.  I was so mad that I didn't realize that I was writing my response in the wrong tab in my browser.

Bad on me!

Riss91

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholic-marrying-lutheran?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:215c3d7b-58f0-4d9e-923b-49292126637fPost:916a51de-df53-4a4d-835a-93c48823d17a">Re: I'm Catholic marrying a Lutheran</a>:
[QUOTE]Holy moly...I replied to the wrong thread!  So sorry! I had been in a thread where people were telling some poor girl that she was commiting a mortal sin for marrying someone outside of her faith.  I was so mad that I didn't realize that I was writing my response in the wrong tab in my browser. Bad on me!
Posted by JeanninePC99[/QUOTE]


Ha! No worries...I was just confused....where is there a thread saying marrying outside of your faith is a mortal sin? YIKES!