Need Suggestions

peppy22vball

My mother passed away when I was 16 and want to do something in remembrance/ honor of her. Please give me some suggestions on what I could do.

I found this angel statue with a little girl and it says my mother my friend.
I thought that may be nice to put with some flowers at the ceremony and possibly a nice spot at the reception

Calypso1977

everyone approaches this type of situation differently.  some wish to do it very public, some more private.

there can be a fine balance between honoring someone and having your wedding turn into a memorial.  techically, weddings are supposed to be happy occasions and sometimes these kinds of memorials can bring sadness.

i would reflect on what you think your mom might have wanted and what will make you happiest/most comfortable.  maybe talk to your father and siblings as well since things you do will have an effect on them as well.

Tami87

I am sorry for your loss, and the statue sounds very lovely. I'm not sure where this should go at the church, but you could certainly have it at the reception.

You can mention your mother by name during the prayers of the faithful. We said something like "For those who have died, especially N, Grandmother of the bride, that they may enjoy perfect happiness and total fulfillment in eternal life, let us pray to the Lord." But you can change the wording a bit as well. (Just check with your priest before the cereomony if writing your own petitions). We also displayed wedding pictures of our parents and grandparents (even though some are deceased) on the gift table.

Is there something special you could wear that reminds you of her? Jewelry or something like that. Some brides also have a rosary around their flower bouquet if you have one from her. Or if she had a favorite flower maybe you could include this in your bouquet.

I reccommend doing smaller things that are meaningful to you but aren't overwhelming for your guests because remembering loved ones at weddings can be tricky. While I compeltely understand why you would want to remember and honor your mother you also don't want to turn your wedding into a memorial. It can be very difficult to see things like empty chairs with roses for many relatives, when I'm sure your mothers absence will already be felt. You don't want to turn what should be a joyous celebration into a sad day. What you already mentioned sounds very nice and I hope my other suggestions were somewhat helpful.

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_need-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:2cbe9761-9a70-4eef-addd-13a374076783Post:226ecf9d-3ec3-4f19-9a98-7ff2bfdb2f98">Re: Need Suggestions</a>:
[QUOTE]everyone approaches this type of situation differently.  some wish to do it very public, some more private. there can be a fine balance between honoring someone and having your wedding turn into a memorial.  techically, weddings are supposed to be happy occasions and sometimes these kinds of memorials can bring sadness. <strong>i would reflect on what you think your mom might have wanted and what will make you happiest/most comfortable.  maybe talk to your father and siblings as well since things you do will have an effect on them as well.</strong>
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

<div>I definitely agree with the bolded.</div><div>
</div><div>Also, my cousin lost her father about ten years ago, and she listed him specifically in the Prayers of the Faithful.  I think that was all the "memorializing" that was done for him, but it was enough.  I think if she had done anything else to remind her that he was gone, she would have lost it and been sobbing through the whole service.</div><div>
</div><div>I've also seen a very touching moment where the groom placed a single rose on the seat where his mother would have been if she'd alive.  He just did it as he walked up to his place at the altar.</div>

itzMS

Ditto, PPs. I would try to steer away from anything that could add an element of sadness to the happiness of your wedding day. As a guest, I would want to tear up out of happiness for you and your FI, not out of sadness for your mother not being alive.

I speak from experience. My father died when I was a teenager, but I did a personal thing to have him with me. No one knew but my mother, DH, and I. The fabric that wrapped my bouquet was from a dress he purchased for me for a high school dance shortly before he passed. This is just a specific example of what others have already suggested.

I miss him every day, as I'm sure you miss your mom. But it's not really something to make a huge outward display of, IMHO.

Calypso1977

 My father died when I was a teenager, but I did a personal thing to have him with me. No one knew but my mother, DH, and I. The fabric that wrapped my bouquet was from a dress he purchased for me for a high school dance shortly before he passed.

i too took a quiet approach and wore a pair of earrings my father had given me.  while my father had been gone 10 years at the time i married i could not have handled bold statements of his absence.

OliveOilsMom

Also, check with your dad about what he is comfortable with.  My MIL did not like any of the suggestions presented to her, other than having a Prayer of the Faithful specifically for FIL.  If she sat next to a flower the entire mass, I don't know if she would have ever stopped crying and FIL has been deceased for 8 years at that time.  We did have a specific bouquet of roses, 8 orange roses and 1 white rose to represent our deceased grandparents and FIL, but there was no mention of the meaning of the flowers, they were just displayed on the table with the gifts. 

So as others have stated, it would probably be better to do things that only you and FI know about.  You wouldn't want your mother's sister to arrive at the wedding and see the small statue and start crying, for example.

I'm sorry for your loss, no matter how many years have passed, when there are big events in your life its hard not to think of your loved one not being there.  H & I did visit FILs grave the weekend before the wedding and I think it helped my H.