Interesting FB convo...

futuremrsbruno

So last night I got into an interesting conversation with someone on my FB. I decided I had to come on and share this, because I've never really dealt with someone like this before, and the whole thing was rather interesting.

One of my fb friends posted something last night about how a relative of hers who accused her of "attacking the word of God". After commenting on her very long rant about this, and reading her comments, I'm still not quite sure what went down except I think it has something to do with her relative saying something against gays. This apparently set her off as she has a lot of friends who are gay.

I was okay with her entire rant, until she got to the part about how she things the Bible was over dramatized and completely unnecessary.

I was not the only person who commented on it, but I did say that while she may feel that way, and she may be angry, a great many people including I'm sure a lot of the people she's friends with on FB, do believe in the Bible and the things written inside it. She then went on to say it was written by a man that thought the Earth was flat. I can only assume she thinks the Bible was written by God, and at that I also told her it is actually a series of stories, and no, God did not sit down and pen them himself. She never answered my last comments, except to go back on FB and post a new status ranting again and this time saying people should just delete her if they don't like what she says.

How do you deal with people like that? I go to Mass every week. I take communion, go to confession, find ways to help my church and community and I pray. I try to be a good person, not just because I'm Catholic, but because that's who I am. I also have friends who are gay, including members of our wedding party. Our priest knows all about this as well as my other views and we've had some nice discussions about them.

I just do not understand how some people can think it's okay for them to go on a public forum blasting something they don't agree with, yet expect others to have some sort of respect for their personal beliefs. If she doesn't believe, that's her business, but don't be a hypocrite!

monkeysip

I've totally been there.  Many times.

A lot of people believe that we need to be accepting of others' beliefs, unless those beliefs are things they disagree with, like religion.  Really, some people just don't have enough tact to realize that you probably shouldn't go around publically bashing the bible in front of your believer friends.  Just like we wouldn't put rants against atheists on our facebook pages either. 

Sometimes it's so hard, but you just have to try and respond with truth and charity.  I try and give the person facts and truth, such as the fact that no one since the greek era believed the world was flat (that's a myth), and that the bible was not written to be a science book.  But after you lay out the basic facts and arguments, you really can't keep pushing it.  Sometimes people will try and embroil you in a lengthy, heated debate, but that doesn't accomplish anything and often only leads us to anger, pride, and stubborness. 

At that point sometimes silence is your best option.  And just continue to be a loving person to them.

professorscience

I try very hard not to get drawn into arguments with people's whose comments are really inflammatory or just seem like they're looking for a fight.  I have a sorority sister who has totally jumped on this "War on Women" bandwagon and filled my newsfeed with hatred and ignorance.  A couple of times she would post a status update that sounded more like the intelligent, loving girl I knew in college, and I would comment and try to gently explain the church's position on the HHS mandate, and she was very receptive!  Sadly, most of the time her posts were just fear-mongering and hateful, so I wound up blocking her.  I couldn't stand having all that silliness in my feed.

I'm sorry you went through this with your friend.  It's sad that grown people can't have mature conversations anymore.  And more sad that we all preach "acceptance" until someone with different views comes along.

erin5286

That's really too bad about your friend.  It sounds like you handled it well, giving your honest and rational point of view, and not allowing yourself to get drawn into anything really heated.

I've always avoided adding anything on FB conversations when it has to do with religion or other heated topics.  I've come to find that most of the people (on my friends list/newsfeed anyway, I'm certainly not saying this about all people on FB) aren't there for a rational/adult discussion, and wouldn't bother to actually listen to or consider another point of view, they're just looking for a soapbox.

There are certainly aspects of the Catholic faith that I'm still learning about, and things that I'd like to know more about the Catholic church's teachings on, but FB is not the place I'll be going to look for answers

futuremrsbruno

Thanks! I don't think I would have responded had it not been the 5th time in 2 weeks she had benn ranting about something, yet refusing to listen to those who commented.

I also think it was the part about the stories in the Bible being drama and unnecessary that really got me. Even before I converted to Catholic, I didn't think that. If I didn't believe, I still wouldn't think that. I teach English, and in college, we study the Bible a few different times because at one point in history, it was basically the only book that was accessible to everyone. I've discussed symbolism in the Bible a hundred times over.

I've also taken enough history courses and paid enough attention in even my high school history classes to know that those stories are not overdramatic. I think the fact that I know she is a fairly intelligent person and she said that is what pushed me to respond.

It's views like hers that irk me. Don't tell me this is just your opinion if you are not willing to hear mine. Don't tell me you have the right to speak your mind, but no one else can speak it back to you. And the if you don't like it don't read it or delete me really gets me. If you want to have an adult conversation, you need to be prepared for an adult response...

thanks for letting me vent! I'm glad I'm not the only person who's ever dealt with this!!

 Side Note: I do find it interesting that she stopped responding when I finally said i was Catholic, I go to Mass, take communion, etc... but I still have my own personal set of beliefs and I think it's wrong someone would say that a neighbor should be killed for working on the sabbath. I also said that for the entire time I've been in this process, no one has ever talked like that. I've had to work on Sundays before and our priest appreciated that my FI and I still found time to make it to Mass. I then explained a little about symbolism. I think maybe the lightbulb went off and she got the hint.

Eliz77

If you think about it, you both are taking a stance in what you believe/don't believe. Just as I'm sure you would like her to respect what your beliefs are, and preferably not post anything you don't agree with on your FB, I can only presume she feels the same way. I have gotten into discussions/debates over the years regarding many topics, sometimes even religion, and I think the best conversations have been when I feel I may have taken away something from the conversation, or may have even shared somethng new with my "opponent." But when I feel a debate becomes an arguement just for the sake of arguing, that's when I know I'm better off just not trying to share my opinions. Sounds like this is the case here. Especially because you took your opinions to her FB page, and she started a new thread to get away from those opinions. 

Now, if she posted her rantings on your FB page, that would be a different situation. 

One of the great things about FB-if her opinions are really botherung you, you can always block her!

professorscience

Eliz, Facebook is a public entity.  Anyone who doesn't realize that they are subject to anyone's opinion on whatever they post is like brides who come to this board and are shocked that most of us don't support their complaints that the church doesn't allow outdoor weddings.

I welcome conversation just as much as anyone else, and I'm sure OP feels the same way, but what she described was someone who just wanted to complain and then was upset when someone tried to engage her in a productive discussion.

Riss91

I think that if you put something out there, you need to be ready to deal with the response. It is only fair that the "other side" get to explain/defend their viewpoint. My best advice is to be a good example of the faith - be kind and generous and patient when you respond. You can be firm and respectful at the same time. Try your best not to escalate anything. Grant them their opinion and ask that they grant you yours. And when the discussion becomes unproductive, graciously end it.

It is tricky to navigate these things nowadays. FB, especially has caused me to enter into heated discussions with friends that I would never have had otherwise. It's provoked me to question some friendships and distance myself from some people. I try my best to prove them wrong - through my actions and responses.

lalaith50

My all time favorite-

caiti2u

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_interesting-fb-convo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:31787fe5-5b45-41c5-8faf-35900a2432b3Post:9e0a39ca-942f-45c0-b8ab-fe98cae5b785">Re: Interesting FB convo...</a>:
[QUOTE]My all time favorite-
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

<div>There really needs to be a "like" button on here. Some days even things on Pinterest get me fuming... oh the age of mis/information!</div>

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_interesting-fb-convo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:31787fe5-5b45-41c5-8faf-35900a2432b3Post:9e0a39ca-942f-45c0-b8ab-fe98cae5b785">Re: Interesting FB convo...</a>:
[QUOTE]My all time favorite-
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

One of my husband's best friends has this framed in his house.  His fiance bought it for him.

Eliz77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_interesting-fb-convo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:31787fe5-5b45-41c5-8faf-35900a2432b3Post:f64abaa6-bf67-46bf-b4fc-cb571727eccc">Re: Interesting FB convo...</a>:
[QUOTE]Eliz, Facebook is a public entity.  Anyone who doesn't realize that they are subject to anyone's opinion on whatever they post is like brides who come to this board and are shocked that most of us don't support their complaints that the church doesn't allow outdoor weddings. I welcome conversation just as much as anyone else, and I'm sure OP feels the same way, but what she described was someone who just wanted to complain and then was upset when someone tried to engage her in a productive discussion.
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]
I understand-what I meant was she can post whatever it is she wants on her FB wall. If her friend takes offense, she does not need to read it. However, if this person was writing nasty posts to attack her friend's beliefs on her friend's wall, that is completely out of line, IMO. I have blocked people of FB who insist on writing about things that I don't agree with and didn't care to see their stuff in my newsfeed (like anti-immigration laws, or anti-same sex marriages for examples). Just because someone may have a different viewpoint doesn't make them wrong, and me right, but I don't have to subject myself to it.<div>
</div>

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_interesting-fb-convo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:31787fe5-5b45-41c5-8faf-35900a2432b3Post:865ac184-b9d6-446e-8ac7-d1931cec95a6">Re: Interesting FB convo...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Interesting FB convo... : I understand-what I meant was she can post whatever it is she wants on her FB wall. If her friend takes offense, she does not need to read it. However, if this person was writing nasty posts to attack her friend's beliefs on her friend's wall, that is completely out of line, IMO. I have blocked people of FB who insist on writing about things that I don't agree with and didn't care to see their stuff in my newsfeed (like anti-immigration laws, or anti-same sex marriages for examples). Just because someone may have a different viewpoint doesn't make them wrong, and me right, but I don't have to subject myself to it.
Posted by Eliz77[/QUOTE]

^this

and I avoid discussing religion, politics or sex on facebook

futuremrsbruno

@ Professor - that is exactly what was going on, and that was my whole thought process.
For the record, she's never really ststed what she believes, but seeing as how her mom began posting pics to her wall of pentagram's and she made a few references to witches, I'm going to go on a limb and say she may be studying wiccan? I don't think she's athiest, although that could be true as well.

I made sure to never attack her beliefs. Not because I wanted to look like the bigger person, but because I'm not like that. If you want to believe something different from me, that's your business. I hope that those who are true non-believers will one day change their minds, but I'm not going to get into an argument when I know better. It was the comments she made about the stories in the Bible being overdramatic and unnecessary they made me feel compelled to respond. My response was a combination of my own faith as well as my college education. As an English teacher and someone who loves my subject, I was baffled that she would say such a thing, especially when I know she's educated enough to know that the Bible isn't always supposed to be taken literally. While I didn't fully understand her other reasons for being angry at her relative, that was between the two of them. It was the comments about the stories itself that made me respond. It's ignorance like she showed that I can't handle.