Convalidation Ceremony Help

WinterBrideAgain

Just started the process of convalidation of our marriage. Both of us have gotten annulments of our first marriages. We have been married 7 years and we have 4 teenagers. We have custody of our children so our house is full and busy. 
 
Anyone have ideas on how to plan a convalidation ceremony. Is mass and a wedding dress tacky? What about a reception? We married before a JOP in street clothes. 2 hours after the service he headed out for work out of state for 6 days. No honeymoon either. No time and we just never got around to having one now that 7 years have gone by.

I am not a spring chicken but not old either. I just turned 40. I would love a ceremony to celebrate our love with family and friends.

No, I am not planning shower/gifts/pre-wedding parties or anything like that. But I don't want it to be ho-hum either.

Tips? Ideas?

Karen

Theresa626

No, I don't think it's tacky and if your relatives think it's tacky, they can just not come.  Honestly, it's your life and if this is something that is important to you, you should do it no matter what anyone else thinks.  Anyone who wants to judge you for inviting them to a nice party to celebrate your love and offereing them a free meal with it should just go "f" themselves to put it rudely.  I think you should call it a vow renewal or convalidation ceremony or even a celebration of your marriage rather than a wedding since you were married legally before.  My parents had a really big to do for their twenty fifth wedding anniversary.  They got the dress, tuxes, had a full mass with a choir and a really nice reception in disney world. At first some relatives were iffy about coming but when they saw other people were coming, they came too. Everyone loved it and continuously tells my parents ten years later that it was one of the best "weddings" they had ever been to because there was so much love and i guess there seemed to be less pressure for everything to be perfect. 

Theresa626

Also, my parents did not do any sort of registry or anything but people still gave them some very nice and thoughtful gifts. 

mbcdefg

I would make an appointment with your priest and discuss these things. He will have the best information on how you should go about planning this, and the requirements to do so.

If you are allowed to have a Mass, then no, I do not think that is tacky at all. Celebrating the Eucharist together is a great way to celebrate your marriage.

I don't think that it's tacky for a second-marriage bride to wear a wedding dress ... but you and your husband have already had your wedding. The point of a convalidation ceremony is for the church to recognize and bless your marriage, not for a wedding do-over. I don't know how the priest would feel about you wearing a wedding dress to something that's not actually a wedding. Again, talk to him and see what he encourages. I don't think it's tacky at all to wear a nice outfit, but if you want an honest opinion then I would not go with the wedding gown.

If you're inviting people to witness the convalidation, then it's proper to host some kind of reception afterward. Lunch or dinner at a restaurant is fine, cake and coffee in the church basement is fine, renting a hall is fine.

Calypso1977

i agree with mbcd.  i believe you can have Mass, and you can certainly invite people and have a reception afterwards.  however, i'd personally stray from having a full on do-over with the white dress, etc.  id keep the list of guests to your parents (if they are still alive), your children, and any siblings and other very close relatives.  id probably wear some type of formal gown, but i just dont think id go the white/ivory route.

mbcdefg

I don't even think that a nice white/ivory dress or simple gown is really a bad thing, I would personally just avoid something very elaborate or "wedding gown-like." And that's not because of your age or because you were married once before ... it's because a convalidation is not a wedding.

I mean, you really won't be HURTING anyone if you wear a wedding gown, but again I would talk to your priest about this. He may frown upon treating it as a wedding when it's not technically a wedding. The focus of the convalidation should be that your marriage is being validated by the Church, not that you're finally getting the white wedding that you didn't get the first time around.

Like, I think that a white outfit like these might be nice:

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3075330/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6014133?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014133&P=1

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3005558/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6014133?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014133&P=1

Theresa626

I disagree with the above people.  I think you can have a vow renewal and make it wedding like and wear a wedding dress if you want.  Just don't call it a wedding if you're already married.  Call it exactly what it is.  Why do people care what you wear?  YOu're not hurting anyone by wearing a wedding dress.  You should do what you want. 

paradyse

The whole point of a convalidation is to sacramentally marry you. In the eyes of the Church, you are not married right now. Your thing with the JOP only counts legally.

I think that being married in the eyes of God & finally being in a state of grace again after 7 years of an irregular marriage is probably one of the best reasons ever to wear a pretty dress & have a party to celebrate. So if you want to have a wedding dress & it's okay with the priest, I say go for it.

drod58

I disagree with some people here.

Here is my story, somewhat similar to yours.

I got married only by JOP 25 years ago.  This past December, 2009 we got married by the catholic church.  Our priest never said that was a convalidation.  He told us it was a wedding because for God and the church we weren't married.

I had a full mass, I wore an Ivory wedding dress and a veil,  and a bouquet.  My husband wore a tux.  My son was the best man, my oldest daugther was the MOH, my second daughter was a bridesmaid, my grandson was the ring bearer and my two granddaughters were the flowers girls.  We had a reception with 50 people and celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and we had a DJ.

We had a traditional wedding.  There was a rehearsal at the church the night before and a rehearsal dinner at our house.  I had a professional photographer, and we used our antique Corvette as our limo.

We had a honeymoon.  We went to Las Vegas for a week.

There were no shower, no registry, no pre-wedding parties.

Oh by the way I'm 51. 

Winterbrideagai...  If you want to see pictures of the wedding, send me a message at dorarod58@yahoo.com

My advice to you, follow your heart and plan your wedding the way that you always dream about.  Good luck.

MissAngel

I, too, feel that you should do what you want for the convalidation.  I am a Wedding Coordinator at our church and we've seen Convalidations that are full-on weddings with wedding dresses and were beautiful and everyone appreciated it... to Convalidations that were just a couple of witnesses, the couple, and the priest.  I would check with the priest to make sure, but both parishes I have volunteered for as Wedding Coordinator had this range of Convalidation Ceremonies.

Best wishes and enjoy your day!