First marriage prep meeting tomorrow! eek!

lopezeli

Tomorrow is our first meeting with our priest to begin our marriage prep! I'm a tad nervous because I'm not Catholic (not even baptised for that matter) but I have been attending church with my fiance for years now! Any advice/tips would be appreciated! Thanks ladies!

professorscience

It will go fine! Just be open and honest!

Nickie431

My understanding is that there is a special form of the Sacrament for a Catholic marrying someone who is not baptized.  The priest should inquire as to your faith background, but just to make sure there isn't a misunderstanding that causes confusion later, be clear that you've never been baptized.

As you may know, a stipulation of marrying in the Catholic Church is for any future children to be raised Catholic.  This is a matter the priest may discuss with you (and any couple who are not both Catholic) at length to ensure your agreement.

Are you interested in baptism?  If so, you'll likely need to go through the RCIA (stands for Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) process, which takes several months of preparation.  Even if you don't think you're interested, now would be a good opportunity to ask the priest about the process.  I'd encourage you to attend at least the first couple RCIA gatherings to discern whether this might be the next step God is calling you to in your faith journey.

Best wishes and blessings as you begin your marriage preparation!

samanthaeisner

My fiance is not Catholic and never goes to church with me.  My priest was very welcoming to him and seemed to really take an interest in getting to know him during our first meeting.  He thoroughly explained the process for a Catholic marrying a non-Catholic and the understanding that all children will be raised Catholic.  As others said, be honest and open and your meeting will go well.

bibliophile2010

I would add to go in with an open heart and mind. LIsten carefully to what the priest has to say, any recommendations, etc. Talk about what you hear with your fiance and reflect on it, before getting upset/frustrated/defensive.

Otherwise, it should be fine! Enjoy!

futuremrsbruno

Are you planning on getting baptized? The priest may ask you that. Otherwise, it's really not anything to be nervous about. You basically just sit there and have a conversation with the priest. Like everyone else said, be open and honest and it will all go smoothly.

You will have several meetings and marriage prep classes. so if things don't make sense the first time, just wait. Most of the questions I had coming out of the first meeting were answered during subsequent meetings. And no one is there to judge you. Knowing that definitely helped calm my nerves!

Lauren Derise

We meet with a priest on the 22nd because we have run into trouble. We have lived together for a year now and our local priest will not marry us. I am SUPER nervous about it. I ordered some books on the issue and read tons of articles on the matter from the Catholic Church. Super nervous. 

erin5286

I totally understand your concerns - my FI and I live together too, and I was definitely worried about it.  We haven't met with the priest yet (priests are being reassigned to parishes at the end of June, we'll be assigned one for our wedding then), but when we met with the diocese's marriage coordinator, she said the priests do try to work with people.

We plan to go into our meeting with the priest being open and honest, and be as prepared ahead of time as possible - having done our marriage retreat, started NFP classes, probably have gone to confession shortly before, and be willing to discuss abstaining (or trying our best to) until after the wedding.  Hopefully your priest will be willing to work with you as well, as long as he can tell that you're both serious about the Catholic faith and are doing your best to follow its teachings!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_first-marriage-prep-meeting-tomorrow-eek?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:3c4606f5-5ffa-4be5-9ebf-61140ed06729Post:6b1457b8-66ea-4f2f-b381-db5eb4f7c5bb">Re: First marriage prep meeting tomorrow! eek!</a>:
[QUOTE]We meet with a priest on the 22nd because we have run into trouble. We have lived together for a year now and our local priest will not marry us. I am SUPER nervous about it. I ordered some books on the issue and read tons of articles on the matter from the Catholic Church. Super nervous. 
Posted by Lauren Derise[/QUOTE]

Lauren Derise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_first-marriage-prep-meeting-tomorrow-eek?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:3c4606f5-5ffa-4be5-9ebf-61140ed06729Post:c0ef9387-b37a-4486-905e-ddc0bb63b0ec">Re: First marriage prep meeting tomorrow! eek!</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally understand your concerns - my FI and I live together too, and I was definitely worried about it.  We haven't met with the priest yet (priests are being reassigned to parishes at the end of June, we'll be assigned one for our wedding then), but when we met with the diocese's marriage coordinator, she said the priests do try to work with people. We plan to go into our meeting with the priest being open and honest, and be as prepared ahead of time as possible - having done our marriage retreat, started NFP classes, probably have gone to confession shortly before, and be willing to discuss abstaining (or trying our best to) until after the wedding.  Hopefully your priest will be willing to work with you as well, as long as he can tell that you're both serious about the Catholic faith and are doing your best to follow its teachings! In Response to Re: First marriage prep meeting tomorrow! eek! :
Posted by erin5286[/QUOTE]<div>
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</div><div>We spoke to the priest at our neighborhood church and he told us he would not, under any circumstance, marry us. So now we are meeting with a director of the Archdiocese of Washington. I've only been baptized but expressed to him a willingness and a wanting to become confirmed. So, I ordered some recommended books, as we have spoken via email. Hopefully he doesn't push the issue too much. We have a year to go and moving out is not really an option financially. </div><div>
</div><div>Hopefully it works out for the best. I would like a Catholic Ceremony, but in the end, as long as Joe is at the end of the aisle, I will be ok. He is adamant about a priest marrying us though.</div><div>
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professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_first-marriage-prep-meeting-tomorrow-eek?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:3c4606f5-5ffa-4be5-9ebf-61140ed06729Post:04301a10-1e87-4743-885f-1e327824748a">Re: First marriage prep meeting tomorrow! eek!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: First marriage prep meeting tomorrow! eek! : We spoke to the priest at our neighborhood church and he told us he would not, under any circumstance, marry us. So now we are meeting with a director of the Archdiocese of Washington. I've only been baptized but expressed to him a willingness and a wanting to become confirmed. So, I ordered some recommended books, as we have spoken via email. Hopefully he doesn't push the issue too much. We have a year to go and moving out is not really an option financially.  Hopefully it works out for the best. I would like a Catholic Ceremony, but in the end, as long as Joe is at the end of the aisle, I will be ok. <strong>He is adamant about a priest marrying us though.
</strong>Posted by Lauren Derise[/QUOTE]

For a Catholic, not following proper form for marriage could mean being barred from the other sacraments, so your FI is right in this regard.  I hope you can get this all worked out and find a priest who will marry you.  I would recommend that you go ahead and begin living "as brother and sister," if you are not already.  My husband and I did not live together before we got married (and we still don't -- haha), but whenever he would stay at my place, one of us would always take the guest room.  It was very difficult at first (in college we'd just share a bed whenever one went to see the other), but it made that first night as a married couple so much more rewarding!

I've heard that some priests will refuse to marry couples who cohabitate before marriage, but I've never actually heard from a person who was turned away, so it's interesting to hear from you.

And on an unrelated note, it's unwise to use your full name as your username.  There are all kinds of creeps on the Internet, and TK is not immune.  I've heard horror stories about jilted exes calling up girls' vendors and cancelling a few weeks before the wedding!

Lauren Derise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_first-marriage-prep-meeting-tomorrow-eek?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:3c4606f5-5ffa-4be5-9ebf-61140ed06729Post:4fae3ce9-c058-4fe3-afd8-68d3867d5c41">Re: First marriage prep meeting tomorrow! eek!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: First marriage prep meeting tomorrow! eek! : For a Catholic, not following proper form for marriage could mean being barred from the other sacraments, so your FI is right in this regard.  I hope you can get this all worked out and find a priest who will marry you.  I would recommend that you go ahead and begin living "as brother and sister," if you are not already.  My husband and I did not live together before we got married (and we still don't -- haha), but whenever he would stay at my place, one of us would always take the guest room.  It was very difficult at first (in college we'd just share a bed whenever one went to see the other), but it made that first night as a married couple so much more rewarding! I've heard that some priests will refuse to marry couples who cohabitate before marriage, but I've never actually heard from a person who was turned away, so it's interesting to hear from you. And on an unrelated note, it's unwise to use your full name as your username.  There are all kinds of creeps on the Internet, and TK is not immune.  I've heard horror stories about jilted exes calling up girls' vendors and cancelling a few weeks before the wedding!
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]<div>
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</div><div>We've been trading the couch. We live in an efficiency....so, space is limited. Very limited. If you both lived in the same state, would you have moved in together? I have been saving $500 a month by doing so! </div><div>
</div><div>I've tried to change it! I will try again! Thank you

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professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_first-marriage-prep-meeting-tomorrow-eek?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:3c4606f5-5ffa-4be5-9ebf-61140ed06729Post:496342b5-7145-4213-a3bb-48766d98f9c9">Re: First marriage prep meeting tomorrow! eek!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: First marriage prep meeting tomorrow! eek! : We've been trading the couch. We live in an efficiency....so, space is limited. Very limited. If you both lived in the same state, would you have moved in together? I have been saving $500 a month by doing so!  I've tried to change it! I will try again! Thank you
Posted by Lauren Derise[/QUOTE]

We actually lived in the same apartment complex for the year leading up to our wedding.  I moved there because I thought it would be easiest for him to just move all his stuff over after the wedding (and then he got transferred out of state -- whoops!).  Financially, it was a pain, but I don't think we'd do it any differently. 

You'll probably have to just make a new username, sadly.  I used to have my full married name as my UN, and I just had to re-register.  Sadface.

futuremrsbruno

Wow, I've never heard of someone being turned away by a priest either! When we went to marriage prep, we told the priest we were living together. We had been for almost 2 years at that point. He reiterated the churches stance on couples living together before marriage... but he also said that he understood that for financial reasons and for just lifestyle reasons one of us wouldn't be able to just leave. He did say that once we took our sacraments (we were in RCIA at the time) we would have to abstain before the wedding. Other than that, it was not a huge issue.

However, I am from a pretty large city in PA and we have one of the largest diocese in the state that's also almost entirely urban. According to my priest, some churches have taken a more liberal stance than others. They still disagree with how we live, but understand that turning people away for it will only hurt the church. I guess it's not like that everywhere, but wow. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope you are able to find someone that will marry you.

I do get the churches stance on living together before marriage. However, I also think that we live in a society that is very different. Some people are able to do it and I think that's awesome. Some are not and still want to be good Catholics. I'm forever thankful that our church sits on the liberal end of the Catholic spectrum, but I feel for those who don't have that.