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FOCCUS test?

e_jakielae_jakiela
500 Comments
in Catholic Weddings
We are meeting with our priest this Friday. We completed our Pre-Cana classes two weeks ago and will discuss those, plus do FOCCUS test... what is that? FI is worried that based on the questionaire the priest will tell us not to marry or something like that...
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Re: FOCCUS test?

  • SaraAndrew2010SaraAndrew2010 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Don't think of FOCCUS as a test, it's more of a questionaire.  You'll fill out answers separately and then the priest will go through and compare the results.  There are no "wrong" answers.  It's just a way to identify areas that the two of you may need to discuss more before you're married.

    Don't stress about it too much.  A lot of couples answer differently on a lot of questions and when they discuss the answers realized that they agree on the principal but answered different ways because of how they interpretted the question wording.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ditto pp exactly. We figured that out after the priest pointed it out to us. Usually how it works is that once you take it, you discuss your answers and/or areas the priest thinks their could be issues that may come up. Don't freak over it, it is not a big deal. It is just a little long.
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  • e_jakielae_jakiela
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I just found an article online about this as well... sounds like a little psych test that reveals your real opinions on various important topics... that's fine as long as our answers are not judged... I saw that one of the questions is: "We have decided on the family planning method we will use."... we did, but the priest may not like to know what method we are deciding to use.... will he ask details if we have the same answers?
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  • MissAngelMissAngel member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    He won't ask for details... At least mine didn't.  The point is to make sure the discussion is had before you get married so that there aren't any surprises.  If FI and I did differ on any answers, he just reminded us to think about and it would be good to talk to each other about it afterwards.  He didn't make us work it out then and there.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ours didn't ask for details either. And it is like a little psych test if you are familiar with the ones (forget what they are called and I even have a psych degree) where the same question may appear twice just worded in a different way. Don't worry about that part though bc like the earlier post said, some of the questions are open to interpretation the way they are worded.
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    We didn't meet with a priest to discuss the results.  We met with a lady who's really involved with the church and does counseling with engaged couples.  She was very open about things, not too judgy about the fact that FI is not Catholic so we're still a little undecided about how we're going to raise our children.  She didn't ask about birth control, although I think we both answered the same way on the test so she didn't cover it.  Really she just went over whatever parts we disagreed on and made those things the focus of our hour-long discussion.

    I can imagine instances where a priest/counselor would advise against marriage (there are questions on the FOCCUS about addiction, abuse), but generally the FOCCUS identifies areas on a relationship that need addressing because of potention problems in the future if they are ignored.
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  • e_jakielae_jakiela
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So, FI lives internet, and somehow he found some link to the Foccus questionaire... we were super curious so we just printed two copies at home and went over it. It was actually kinda fun. We spent the whole evening going over it and discussed our answers over wine... It was fun. The only areas we have quite different answers is regarding my role in our marriage... Fi imagines that I would be a stay home mom at some point and we would have 3 kids (as was the case in his house).  I, on the other hand, want to have only two kids (because we are starting late, and I don;t want to risk having a baby too late) and want to work on my career as well. Other than that, we share similar opinions :)

    One thing that's funny was the question about homosexuality... there was a question if we feel that homosexuality poses danger to our marriage... or something close to this.  Fi said - "I am not gay, and you are not gay... and I guess I can beat up any gays who want to mess with us-- that makes the answer to this question: NO"

    Anyways, we met with the priest today and he laughed at us...he just wanted to do the Pre-marital investigation today and no FOCCUs test. He was happy our curiosity led us to getting all those topics discussed :)

    Thank you ladies!!!
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