FOCCUS Test

TBee99

My fiance and I have our first church marriage counseling meeting tomorrow and we have to take this...what should we expect? I'm nervous....can we study?

bibliophile2010

Don't think of it as a test, because it isn't one. It is an assessment that mostly covers conversation points and ensures that you and your FI have/do properly communicate about important issues. You cannot fail. It is meant to illuminate areas that are red flags or places where you need to communicate more. In the long run, you want to talk about and deal with these issues now so that you do not enter into marriage with lingering problems that might become bigger monsters in the future.

It asks whether you agree, disagree, or are unsure about a series of statements. Read carefully (many items have tricky wording) and answer honestly, and you'll be fine.

Riss91

Don't worry too much - as long as you and your FI have discussed the big picture ideas and are generally in agreement, there's not going to be much that comes out of it.

garzal

I would recommend that you mentally prepare yourself for the "intimacy" questions.  I wasn't expecting these type of questions and was even MORE EMBARASSED when we had to discuss our responses to all questions, including these, with our church's wedding contact person.  Sister Nancy is a wonderful woman of God and it was quite uncomfortable even mentioning the word "sex" in front of her, let alone discussing it.

[Deleted User]

It is really nothing to sweat or worry about. Our priest actually let us take ours home and do it individually. Like biblio said, it is more of an assessment to see where you and your FI might have potential issues or disagreements.

Davesgrl2011

Man oh man what kind of sex questions?  We have to do this in front of a priest!!!!!

agapecarrie

If you read up on Theology of the body, you can see that Blessed JPII, a pope, knew more about sex and the beauty of it than most married people.

Priests actually have a more objective view as they hear confessions from men and women.  They know very well the temptations and heart wrenching issues that can come up.

clearheavens

It's commonly called the FOCCUS Test but the official name is FOCCUS Inventory.  There is no such thing as "pass/fail."  Answer honestly as they say with any survey.  There are no consequences other than if there were areas of lower score, the priest might say, "Have you talked about [this] before?" and help you if you have questions.

We took it and we weren't told that it would never be reviewed by anyone other than us.  It was meant to be a conversational piece between the two of us.

lisa89760

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_foccus-test-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:426d81de-9bcd-495e-89d0-96d2c3c0459cPost:9778482e-a37e-4df5-b51f-02dbab9d372d">Re: FOCCUS Test</a>:
[QUOTE]Man oh man what kind of sex questions?  We have to do this in front of a priest!!!!!
Posted by Davesgrl2011[/QUOTE]

Well our priest is my uncle so imagine that one!! There are questions about your SO's family too and my FI joked "what if I actually did have an issue with your family? YOUR uncle is the one reading it"

There is nothing specific about your sex life just how you view sex.  Ours didn't even ask if we have had pre-marital sex or if we lived together or even how specifically religious we both were, just more if we are on the same page.

mica178

I don't remember any especially embarrassing questions on the FOCCUS.  I do remember a lot of questions about gambling, substance abuse/dependence and domestic violence (in addition to communication, family values, etc.).  I think the inventory looks to make sure that there aren't underling issues that need addressing/intervention prior to marriage (a good thing).

bibliophile2010

Anecdotally, I have heard that some of the gambling/domestic violence/substance abuse questions are immediate red flags that, if answered positively (this is a problem) will result in a private conversation about the answer and any underlying issues, because they are such serious concerns.

OuachitaTrixie

ugh!  mine's TODAY!!! EEK!  

FI never reads questions thoroughly or correctly!  He dis one whole section at Pre-Cana waaaaay wrong.  He was supposed to answer about himself but he answered about me!  (including what he thinks I should change, haha).  He'll definitely mess up any trick questions!

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_foccus-test-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:426d81de-9bcd-495e-89d0-96d2c3c0459cPost:c58f6e09-cc64-4161-9fc8-123962388a24">Re: FOCCUS Test</a>:
[QUOTE]Anecdotally, I have heard that some of the gambling/domestic violence/substance abuse questions are immediate red flags that, if answered positively (this is a problem) will result in a private conversation about the answer and any underlying issues, because they are such serious concerns.
Posted by bibliophile2010[/QUOTE]

I was going to mention this as a way that you could technically "fail."

When we had our followup after taking the FOCCUS, the couple who went over it with us mostly touched on the areas where our answers differed.  It wasn't embarrassing or overly revealing or anything -- just a chance for us to talk about things that hadn't come up yet.

TBee99

Thanks for all the information. I feel less nervous, but I will have to tell fiance to slow down and actually READ the questions. I can see him speeding through, as usual.

Avrilmai

just got my "results" out of the mailbox...it is really interesting to see how we each answered the questions. I also liked that they broke it down into categories so you can see where you're more or less in agreement. I have to say it is very illuminating. 

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_foccus-test-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:426d81de-9bcd-495e-89d0-96d2c3c0459cPost:70ece297-98e1-42b0-8ad6-30f79b83f97b">Re: FOCCUS Test</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for all the information. I feel less nervous, but <strong>I will have to tell fiance to slow down and actually READ the questions.</strong> I can see him speeding through, as usual.
Posted by TBee99[/QUOTE]

<div>Definitely.  There was one question that ended up being a big red flag for the people reviewing our answers with us, and all because FI either misread the question or mis-marked on his scantron.</div>

katetw

We just got our results on Monday - we weren't allowed to see them until we met with the deacon and his wife.

We did very well but there was one interesting question - did we have any concerns or worries regarding bad habits of our fiance(e)? I answered no... my fiance answered yes!

The deacon and his wife were VERY concerned, I think suspecting something like mishandling money, lying, drinking, etc. When they asked him, he went, "Uh, she bites her nails sometimes?" 

That was his answer to the big dealbreaker question. I bite my nails. The elderly deacon actually rolled his eyes.

JustineOlivia

My FI and I actually just had our meeting to go over our test yesterday. It didn't take very long, and we just went over some aswers where one of us had marked "undecided"--usually me, because that's what I picked when I didn't think the question really applied to us! It was very low-key, mostly just talking about issues that come up in a marriage. But my FI and I have literally talked about everything, so there weren't any surprises for us.