"Blessings" at Communion time

lalaith50

I know many people are familiar with the idea of getting a "blessing" at communion if they aren't able to receive. Just thought I would throw this letter out there-

http://wdtprs.com/images2/13_02_24_CDWDS_Response_Blessings_lr.gif

This letter makes some good and interesting points about why this common practice is innappropriate.

lalaith50

And "unintended consequence" of people being encouraged to more frequently receive communion - those who should not/cannot feel they need to "blend in" by going up.

professorscience

I mentioned this before, but receiving a blessing seems to be a purely American Catholic tradition.  If you go to Spanish masses, you'll see that almost no one goes up even to receive communion.  While I don't love that so many people feel like they're not in the proper state to receive, I do like that people are self-aware enough to realize that they should not be receiving.

I remember a time when my SIL did not go for communion during mass, and my MIL was MORTIFIED and kept telling her afterward that she should have at least gone up for a blessing.

professorscience

Also,

I kind of get the idea of receiving blessings in terms of children.  I don't think I would be comfortable leaving my kids in the pew by themselves while I was going to receive, and then you certainly don't want the kids going up and receiving when they shouldn't be, so it's really easy to teach your kids, "Hey, cross your arms over your chest and you will get a blessing."  Now, we could certainly change this to just be a message to the priest/deacon/EMHC that that child does not get anything.

lalaith50

<span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">[QUOTE]Also, I kind of get the idea of receiving blessings in terms of children.  <strong>I don't think I would be comfortable leaving my kids in the pew by themselves while I was going to receive, and then you certainly don't want the kids going up and receiving when they shouldn't be,</strong> so it's really easy to teach your kids, "Hey, cross your arms over your chest and you will get a blessing."  Now, we could certainly change this to just be a message to the priest/deacon/EMHC that that child does not get anything.</span>
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]
Why can't the kids just walk up with the parents and "get"... nothing? (or is that what you were saying? Sorry if I misunderstand.) I think if someone who is giving our communion is uncertain that a child is planning on receiving, they should assume not. A child who is old enough to have their first communion should be old enough to know how to appear <em>deliberate</em> (hands up, or mouth open, etc) so the person giving communion doesnt have to wonder.

Resa77

Lalaith, lots of ADULTS don't appear deliberate!  Sometimes EMHC can't tell if they're trying to receive on the tongue or hands lol!  Also, I know a family where a small child received communion because his mother was in front of him, and the priest just gave it to him and he took it.  She turned and realized and was upset, but what could she do at that point?  She was very busy with a toddler and an infant, so it was understandable that her 5 year old would escape her attention for just a moment. 

But besides the kids, I can understand people not wanting to have to stay behind in the pew.  Especially WP at a wedding, or family at a funeral.  But even at regular Mass, it's annoying to have to climb over people in the pew, and there's not always much room to get out of the pew and let people out, and then get back in, and then get back up and let people back in. 

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_blessings-at-communion-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:43598e8d-22df-48e4-a60f-53a2d658c676Post:acb2d107-1653-4ff7-b761-e0bcf61fee5a">Re: "Blessings" at Communion time</a>:
[QUOTE]Why can't the kids just walk up with the parents and "get"... nothing? (or is that what you were saying? Sorry if I misunderstand.) I think if someone who is giving our communion is uncertain that a child is planning on receiving, they should assume not. A child who is old enough to have their first communion should be old enough to know how to appear deliberate  (hands up, or mouth open, etc) so the person giving communion doesnt have to wonder.
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

<div>That's exactly what I meant -- that the kid COULD just receive nothing.  At this point they're being conditioned to go up no matter what, so they're not really learning about being in the proper state to receive.  Of course, most kids won't understand what the "proper state" is, anyway.  I don't really see anything wrong with what Kristan said she does -- just saying, "God loves you" for the kiddos.  The deacon at the parish where we got married made sure to kneel down to the kids' level, say a quick little blessing, and then always ask, "Can you say, 'Amen'?"  I think that helps teach the kids what the proper form for receiving communion is when it's time.</div><div>
</div><div>Resa, I totally agree with you on that front, too.  I almost always receive on the tongue, and only once has it presented a problem.  The EMHC was about a foot shorter than I and I remember she gave me a look of such bewilderment when I opened my mouth and kept my hands at my sides!</div>

chelseamb11

I can see the argument about adults not going up for blessings if they aren't receiving, but I have no qualms with kids getting blessed (or pregnant women either... I love that my priest blesses my belly!)  I think it's a great reminder to them about the weekly (or more often) major blessing we get from the eucharist.  They aren't of age to receive the eucharist, but they should still be allowed to share in the blessing of the whole situation.

Resa77

I'm imagining most of you probably receive 90+% of the time you attend Mass, but correct me if I'm wrong   Let me give you another perspective...

For someone who rarely receives (perhaps someone who is cohabitating, and therefore won't receive; perhaps a non-Catholic who attends Mass with his spouse and children...whatever the reason may be), it would become tiresome to have people climb over you week after week. 

I receive communion probably about half the time or less, and although I rarely go up for a blessing, it gives me great comfort to have that option.  If I'm in a pew with several elderly people with cains and such, I don't want to make them climb over me.  The ushers often make it really hard to just step to the side of the pew and let people out, plus this often results in about 20 people looking at you with this "oh, you're not going up to communion?" look.  Or at my grandmother's funeral, I felt sick and therefore didn't receive, and would have felt incredibly uncomfortable in a huge church that was nearly empty (anything under 100 people looks nearly empty), in the front row, where it would be incredibly obvious I stayed seated.  In certain instances, I'm very grateful we have a Church that recognizes not everyone at Mass will receive, and sometimes staying back in your pew causes a lot more problems than you'd think.

 (In case you're curious, I often end up not receiving because it makes me ill.  If my stomach doesn't feel 100% settled, I won't receive)

Calypso1977

i always see little ones (pre-first communion) go up and the priest gives them a blessing.

but see, as Catholics, we understand that we already receive blessings and graces just for attending Mass, even if we dont receive the eucharist.  i can see how a blessing is offered at someone's nuptial or funeral mass because non-catholics dont understand that they are already getting blessings by being at the Mass.

Riss91

I think this letter makes many good points. I'm not a fan of adding extra "blessings" into the mass. Like the letter states, everyone receives a blessing at the end of mass. Lay people aren't able to confer blessings, so going up to EM isn't actually doing anything.

I also think children can just go up with their parents without receiving. The families in our parish do this all the time.

I think it is a shame that people feel uncomfortable not going up. But I don't think the answer is to make up a not-necessarily-legit "blessing". The answer is to teach people that sitting in the pew is not "embarrassing".

Resa77

It doesn't have to be a blessing.  They could shake me hand and say hi, and that's fine. 
I just need that option, or I'd just have to stand in the back at Mass every week. 

professorscience

Resa, I've seen awkward situations in trying NOT to go up for communion (before I was Catholic), so I can kind of see what you mean.  At the same time, I've also seen plenty of people in Spanish mass who will climb over anyone to get up there, so while I understand what you mean about not wanting to get in someone's way, I feel like if they really understand what they're doing, people won't mind crawling over you.

meltoine

I get the logistical difficulties of having people not go up, but if it's a choice between logistical ease or liturgical honesty, I'm going with liturgical honesty. Proper catchesis on this issue is sorely lacking. I didn't know until college that there are other reasons beside mortal sin that one shouldn't receive. If mother people knew the other possible reasons for not receiving I think the dirty looks (be they real or imagined) would cease and people would feel more comfortable not going up at all. The only suggestion I have for the logistical problems is to have ushers direct people to clear the pew and let everyone out, then file back in. It's not ideal, but it's less bad than sticking in a blessing that doesn't belong.

Resa77

For me it's mostly elderly people....it's not whether they mind crawling over me, as much as whether they're physically able!  Also, I totally know what you mean about Spanish Mass and many people not receiving. 

monkeysip

I don't think the logistical issue is at all a good reason to have blessings.  That seems really silly.

It all comes back to the more modernist notion that everyone has to be "doing" something during mass.  We must create all these random jobs for people, when really, the only thing absolutely necessary for a mass is a priest.  Participation means prayerfully joining your spirit to the mass, not getting up and doing things.

The same for communion.  I know for the times I've had to not receive, or before I was confirmed (I attended mass for a year and half before being confirmed), it is quite humbling to stay in the pew and just pray.  But it's an amazing kind of humbling.  Getting a blessing takes away from that.  It's like a lame consolation prize.

Besides, I don't like anything being added to the mass without purpose.  EVERYONE get's a blessing during mass.  You don't need a vestigial blessing during communion.  Seeing as how the rubrics of the liturgy never call for it, I don't know why priests even still allow it.  Some don't. 

I'm thinking of adding a little tidbit in the program about staying in your pew and praying so people know not to approach the altar rail unless they're receiving.  In reality, only like 5-10% of our guest list should be receiving.

Riss91

meltoine and monkey - I 100% agree with everything you said.

If I know I'm unable to receive communion, I will likely choose to sit somewhere that isn't going to be difficult for others. I'll choose a side pew and sit near the wall. It's really not that difficult to work out. I don't want a "consolation prize" blessing. I also think that those that aren't able to receive should really use that time to focus and pray.

CrazyCatLady3

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_blessings-at-communion-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:43598e8d-22df-48e4-a60f-53a2d658c676Post:a984e424-5b69-40aa-84d4-d3f3f2ee8de3">Re: "Blessings" at Communion time</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm thinking of adding a little tidbit in the program about staying in your pew and praying so people know not to approach the altar rail unless they're receiving.  In reality, only like 5-10% of our guest list should be receiving.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

<div>Not sure if you will have any nonreligious guests at your wedding, but you may want to leave out the instruction about praying.  I have been through agnostic periods where I would have been uncomfortable reading that in the program.</div>

Tami87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_blessings-at-communion-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:43598e8d-22df-48e4-a60f-53a2d658c676Post:7a46cdf0-eba8-4efc-b30d-0732837bec9a">Re: "Blessings" at Communion time</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Blessings" at Communion time : Not sure if you will have any nonreligious guests at your wedding, but you may want to leave out the instruction about praying.  I have been through agnostic periods where I would have been uncomfortable reading that in the program.
Posted by CrazyCatLady3[/QUOTE]

We put something in our programs that is basically what the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has written in the worship aids. Something like.

Catholics who are in a state of grace are invited to come forward to receive Holy Communion. All who are not receiving Holy Communion are encouraged to express in their hearts a prayerful desire for unity with the Lord Jesus and with one another. We also welcome to this celebration those who do not share our faith in Jesus Christ. We ask them to offer their prayers for the peace and the unity of the human family.

Still asks for prayers, so I'm not sure if anyone was uncomfortable or not but I felt like it explained what was supposed to be happening for all my non-Catholic relatives and friends. If anyone was upset by this it didn't get back to me.

CrazyCatLady3

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_blessings-at-communion-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:43598e8d-22df-48e4-a60f-53a2d658c676Post:9ce3b3a8-1b2f-4d79-8d9a-a75d20083c9b">Re: "Blessings" at Communion time</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Blessings" at Communion time : We put something in our programs that is basically what the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has written in the worship aids. Something like. Catholics who are in a state of grace are invited to come forward to receive Holy Communion. All who are not receiving Holy Communion are encouraged to express in their hearts a prayerful desire for unity with the Lord Jesus and with one another. We also welcome to this celebration those who do not share our faith in Jesus Christ. We ask them to offer their prayers for the peace and the unity of the human family. Still asks for prayers, so I'm not sure if anyone was uncomfortable or not but I felt like it explained what was supposed to be happening for all my non-Catholic relatives and friends. If anyone was upset by this it didn't get back to me.
Posted by Tami87[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think it gets the point across to just say, "Catholics who are in a state of grace are invited to come forward to receive Holy Communion," period.  Adults will know to just sit quietly respectfully at a religious service in a sect of which they are not a member.  All the separating out of people in that language is not ideal IMHO, and it totally ignores non-religious people who don't pray.  It would just make me squirm a bit. 

</div>

professorscience

I feel like being asked to silently pray would be the last thing that would bother me if I was nonreligious.  You're in A CHURCH witnessing a hugely religious ceremony.  With several prayers.

CrazyCatLady3

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_blessings-at-communion-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:43598e8d-22df-48e4-a60f-53a2d658c676Post:2640ac6f-fa11-48a9-b8ca-d4f313e9cd68">Re: "Blessings" at Communion time</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like being asked to silently pray would be the last thing that would bother me if I was nonreligious.  You're in A CHURCH witnessing a hugely religious ceremony.  With several prayers.
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]

<div>But non-religious people don't pray.  You know you will be witnessing other people pray when you go to a church service, but being asked to do it yourself is another thing.  I have gone through atheist/agnostic periods and it was just a big pet peeve of mine when there were assumptions that everyone believes in God.   It's not a huge deal, I just thought I would point out a differing perspective.  If this was posted on the etiquette board you'd probably get other opinions.</div>

Resa77

I think it would be better to "invite" non-Catholics to say a prayer, rather than "encourage."  Inviting seems like "do this if you want," whereas encourage seems more like "I really want you to do this."  I mean, if a Methodist friend invited me to church with them, I'd be like "that's really kind, but no thank you." And I'd think "that's nice that they want to pray together."  If they encouraged me to go to church with them, I'd be like "wow buddy, back off...stop trying to force your beliefs upon me!"  But maybe that's just me?

monkeysip

@ Crazycatlady

I get what you're saying, and I'm sure I will have some non-religious there, but I've been with a lot of people, even non-religious, who automatically go up for a blessing (I'm not sure why the blessing has any significance to the non-religious).

I'm a little worried in general for communion since I'm not sure how many of the very few Catholics at our wedding will have ever been to a chuch with an altar rail.  And FI and I will not be at the same altar rail, so we can't provide an example.  But I guess everyone will just figure it out.

lalaith50

<span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">[QUOTE]. I'm a little worried in general for communion since I'm not sure how many of the very few Catholics at our wedding will have ever been to a chuch with an altar rail.  And FI and I will not be at the same altar rail, so we can't provide an example.  But I guess everyone will just figure it out.</span>
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]<div>We offered people the use of the communinon rail for our wedding - Our priest gave a direction beforehand, and I'm sure it was helpful. He said something like, "Catholics who are in a state of grace are invited to receive communion at the rail. If you wish to receive in the hand, please just come forward and stand in front of the rail and receive as normal when the priest comes to you, or you may kneel and receive on the tongue." (We also put the more detailed communion requriements in our program.)

</div>

monkeysip

They have to kneel to receive on the hand as well, but they just put their hands out instead of tongues.

I need to ask my priest if he plans to give any directions.  Knowing him though, probably not.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_blessings-at-communion-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:43598e8d-22df-48e4-a60f-53a2d658c676Post:5c35cbc0-8854-41b2-b016-2706ab83c8cc">Re: "Blessings" at Communion time</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Blessings" at Communion time : When I was at your church for a wedding, I don't think anyone used the rail ... 
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

Was Msgr presiding?  I know that a lot of non-parishioners use the church for weddings and bring their own priest.  Anything goes in that case.  But I would assume Msgr. would have everyone follow normal mass protocol, but maybe I'm wrong.  I've never been to a wedding there (or any Catholic wedding period).

I would prefer people follow the norm of our parish, even during our wedding.  But it's not like I'm gonna police anyone (or maybe even notice, ha).

lalaith50

<span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">[QUOTE]They have to kneel to receive on the hand as well, but they just put their hands out instead of tongues. </span>
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]
Interesting. I don't think it's a rule, but somehow my priest has concluded that it's clumsy and awkward (the rail gets in the way) for people to kneel at it <em>and </em> receive in the hand; that's why he words it that they should stand in that  case.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_blessings-at-communion-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:43598e8d-22df-48e4-a60f-53a2d658c676Post:2563f25b-8ca9-4ea5-b931-37ddc815cd24">Re: "Blessings" at Communion time</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Blessings" at Communion time : Actually, Bp Rizzotto presided. He is a friend of the bride's family.<strong> Msgr was there and fussed at me for genuflecting with the wrong knee.</strong> They are not parishioners (they go to St John Vianney on the west side), so they had to supply their own wedding coordinator (yours truly).
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

Yup... sounds like him. 

I'm a parishioner, and so far, I haven't had a wedding coordinator :p    I love my church, but it has been kind of pain getting married there. 

lalaith50

<span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Blessings" at Communion time : I had a pastor who specifically said he did not want people kneeling before receiving the Eucharist (since this church does not have altar rails). The majority of the parishioners stand, and he said kneeling causes logistical issues and can draw attention to the communicant and distract attention from the Eucharist.</span>
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
ugh. And that's why communion rails are awesome.. people can do <em>as they please,</em> and it's a lot faster than regular communion, since the priest doesn't have to "wait" for anyone...<div>(as for "drawing attention to the communicant?" shouldnt that pastor be more concerned with reminding people that they <em>ought to be focused on the Eucharist instead of <strong>watching people go up to Communion?!)</strong></em></div>

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_blessings-at-communion-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:43598e8d-22df-48e4-a60f-53a2d658c676Post:246def8a-6c67-4713-a83e-56638a6d70aa">Re: "Blessings" at Communion time</a>:
[QUOTE]ugh. And that's why communion rails are awesome.. people can do as they please,  and it's a lot faster than regular communion, since the priest doesn't have to "wait" for anyone... (<strong>as for "drawing attention to the communicant?" shouldnt that pastor be more concerned with reminding people that they ought to be focused on the Eucharist instead of watching people go up to Communion?!)</strong>
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with this.  I'm a lot more focused on the eucharist when I'm waiting at the rail than standing in line.  Maybe that's just me.  And kneeling is humbling for the communicant... not drawing attention.