hippie marrying catholic

raspberrysage84

I am engaged to marry a practicing catholic. His family and friends are all catholic and my family and friends are all agnostic. We both want to have our ceremony and reception outside at a plantation in Richmond VA however it seems like this may not be recognized by the catholic church. Any suggestions on how to make everyone feel comfortable and accepted without losing our vision of our perfect wedding day?

SaraAndrew2010

What is your and your FI's vision of the perfect wedding day?  It's important for both of you to be on the same page about what both of you want.

You mention that your FI is a practicing Catholic.  You are correct that the Catholic church will not recognize your marriage if you have your ceremony outdoors.  You can find more information on www.catholicweddinghelp.com , but the overview is that a Catholic marrying a non-Catholic must either get married in a Catholic church or get special dispensation and get married in the non-Catholic's house of worship.

Is your FI prepared to not have his marriage recognized by the Catholic church in order to get married outside at your dream location?  You could certainly include religious elements to an outdoor ceremony, but that won't make it a valid Catholic marriage and his Catholic family may very well be upset that he is marrying outside of the church.

Or could you compromise and have the ceremony in a Catholic church and then the reception at the plantation? 

meganb1977

I am in somewhat of the same situation and it was a very difficult compromise because FI had his heart set on a big church wedding and I wasn't comfortable with that, but we finally agreed because of $/logistics/etc. to have a civil ceremony on a riverboat where we will have a small reception, and then seek a convalidation.  Members of our families would have liked to see a church wedding but were accepting when we told them what our plans were.  The plantation sounds lovely and if it's what you and your fiance both want and you can present a united front, maybe his family will go along with it more than you think!  Good luck :-)

Riss91

Ditto Sara. And just adding a warning regarding convalidations. They aren't the easiest things to come by, and are usually saved for instances where a marriage in the church was not possible. You need to have a valid reason for not marrying in the church in the first place and usually  wanting to be married in another location isn't acceptable. Not trying to rain on anyone's parade - different priests will have different ideas, so just be certain before you proceed.

wifeandmommy0609

My Fl is Catholic and I am currently not ( going through RCIA classes). We Eloped in 2008 in Vegas. The reason being is that I didn't feel I was ready to "comit" to being Catholic. But after two kids ( both Bapitzed in Catholic Church) I Felt i am now ready to "comit" to being Catholic so we are planning our Catholic Wedding..

If you and your Fl feel this is the right thing for you two at this time then go for it.  You can always talk to the church and tell them your reasoning on why your not getting married in the Catholic Church.

And maybe Later on in life you both can get married/ renew your vowes through the church (that way it's a win-win for everyone) Not sure if that is acceptable or not (as i said before I am becoming catholic so i don't know all the rules yet)

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_hippie-marrying-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:443019e8-7327-4779-9834-55aa6fdd6deaPost:93c69aab-3e64-409c-a618-5120c44bf341">Re: hippie marrying catholic</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fl is Catholic and I am currently not ( going through RCIA classes). We Eloped in 2008 in Vegas. The reason being is that I didn't feel I was ready to "comit" to being Catholic. But after two kids ( both Bapitzed in Catholic Church) I Felt i am now ready to "comit" to being Catholic so we are planning our Catholic Wedding.. If you and your Fl feel this is the right thing for you two at this time then go for it.  You can always talk to the church and tell them your reasoning on why your not getting married in the Catholic Church. And maybe Later on in life you both can get married/ renew your vowes through the church (that way it's a win-win for everyone) Not sure if that is acceptable or not (as i said before I am becoming catholic so i don't know all the rules yet)
Posted by wifeandmommy0609[/QUOTE]

One does not need to be catholic in order to marry a catholic in the catholic church.


A Catholic who marries outside of canonical form is making a public declaration of fornication. He puts himself outside of the state of grace and connot receive communion.

[Deleted User]

Ditto Sara. Both of you need to sit down and talk about your vision and ideas for the wedding and go from there. And maybe you can even talk to your local priest or deacon and see if they can guide you as well.

Calypso1977

ditto sara.

you say that "we want to be married at a plantation" and you talk about "our vision" for a "perfect wedding".  honestly, if he's practicing catholic, i cant undersand why he wants the plantation wedding or why his vision  of a perfect wedding would be outside and unrecognized.

i'm sure the plantation has function facilties.  i would marry in your FI's church, then have a beautiful, perfect outdoor reception at the plantation.  best of both worlds.

k8ly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_hippie-marrying-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:443019e8-7327-4779-9834-55aa6fdd6deaPost:9922fa9c-c179-4128-9610-9623a2f8baec">Re: hippie marrying catholic</a>:
[QUOTE]ditto sara. you say that "we want to be married at a plantation" and you talk about "our vision" for a "perfect wedding".  honestly, if he's practicing catholic, i cant undersand why he wants the plantation wedding or why his vision  of a perfect wedding would be outside and unrecognized. i'm sure the plantation has function facilties.  i would marry in your FI's church, then have a beautiful, perfect outdoor reception at the plantation.  best of both worlds.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

This.  Not getting married in the church is not a decision to be taken lightly.  From someone who did it - he may have serious regrets later.

wifeandmommy0609

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_hippie-marrying-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:443019e8-7327-4779-9834-55aa6fdd6deaPost:b187cf4f-80f9-4477-9d69-4b536b843504">Re: hippie marrying catholic</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: hippie marrying catholic : One does not need to be catholic in order to marry a catholic in the catholic church. A Catholic who marries outside of canonical form is making a public declaration of fornication. He puts himself outside of the state of grace and connot receive communion.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]


Thank you for the correction.. I am so new to all of this and love learning from all you ladies.. Thanks again