Length of Pre-Cana

pjseabee

We're getting married in my hometown, 8 hours away from our current residence.   The priest marrying us approved us having pre-cana with our local priest and we have already filled out and turned in our Pre Marriage Inventory.  We met with our local priest last weekend expecting to find out our results.  After giving us a 45 minute "orientation" to his expectations of us in our counselling he tells us he's booked solid today & doesn't have any more time for us, so we now have to:

1) Meet with him again to go over our PMI results (a month from now...)
2) Attend an 8 hour pre cana class
3) Meet with him again after taking our class
4) THEN... be assigned a "Mentor Couple" to address any issues in the PMI

Is this NORMAL?!?  Everyone I know who married in the church did JUST the class, or 8  one hour, one on one appointments with their priest.  What's up with this task list he's given us?  I fully understand the seriousness of what we're doing, but this seems overkill.

TIA

berrytr

Yep, pretty normal.  We did all the same stuff.  It feels like it will last forever but it won't.  The Pre-Cana session is all day but a good facilitator will make it go by quickly.

GulfCoaster

We had an initial meeting with the priest at which we discussed the theology of marriage and took our FOCCUS test (which is pretty much like the PMI), then met later to discuss the results of the FOCCUS, then did a 6-hour class one weekend, then had one final meeting after the class to discuss final planning issues (the nuts and bolts of the ceremony).  So yes, I'd say that's normal.

We were also out of town, so we coordinated meetings so that we didn't have to make as many trips... For instance, we discussed the FOCCUS test results with the priest on a Friday evening, then did our Pre-Cana class the following day.  We also coordinated vendor's appointments, so that we were meeting with both the priest and vendors on one weekend.  That cut back on the number of trips we had to make, and it all worked out.

Is it possible for you to do the Pre-Cana class at least in the town where you curently live?

Theresa626

Yep, it's normal.  Just be happy you don't have to do three days.  I didn't mind it but we had to do a retreat for our pre-cana from Fri. night to Sun and stay overnight in dorms.  It was 350$ and only offered twice a year.  We were not given a choice to do anything else.  We also had to meet with the priest and we met with a couple to discuss the foccus. 

mbcdefg

We've done all of that except having the mentor couple.

pjseabee

Oh here's the fun part about the class he wants us to take.  It's a 1 hour drive to get to it from where we are now.  AND.... it's the weekend before FI's final exams.
AND it's the only one we can do since all the others are on impossible weekends for us or they are done over a span of consecutive weeks on weeknights.  No good there, I work late.  I'm probably just complaining too much.  Venting.  I like that word better.  I know it's a process, it just felt overwhelming when he laid it all out.

Calypso1977

just look at it like anything else you spend hours on for the wedding.  most brides on here seem to spend hours at things like cake tastings, dress fittings, researching venues, bridesmaid dress shopping, etc.  but unlike those things, this is going towards making a great marriage.  its an investment in your future, really.  most all seem to have a good experience, too, after its all over.

mehgank

Yeah, that seems pretty normal. We had to meet with the priest for our first initial meeting (we're doing all our stuff here in South Florida, but our wedding is in SoCal), we're attending our 8 hour Pre-Cana class tomorrow, then a 3-day engaged retreat in July, and then meeting with a sponsor couple for our FOCCUS test. It's a lot of hoops to jump through, but it's essential to preparing you and your FI for marriage.

kobe013

We had to have an inital meeting with the priest, do the FOCCUS inventory with a couple we're assignmed to, do a 2 day pre cana class (next month), take an evening class on Natural Family Planning, get new issues of baptismal certificates, and have 4 notorized copies of statements saying we're marrying on free will just to be married in the church. Once we have everything complete, we have to go back for another meeting with the priest. On top of it, we currently live in different states! It's alot, but not unexpected. Hang in there!

bel138

Yes, that seems normal. We had our inital meeting, a two day retreat and least six 3 hour sessions with the priest. And we lived 5 hours away from the church in separate cities.

This is eternity we're talking about. The church wants to makre sure you're prepared and are taking it seriously.

pjseabee

Thank so much for your input.  I'm very aware of the seriousness of marriage and we hope to gain a lot from this process.  Like with anything else in wedding planning, I think I just became overwhelmed with the details instead of the end product.  I really appreciate all the info ... I finally don't feel like it's so strange to have this list of tasks to complete.

ChiBride82

At my parish they have a 5 Week session for precana.  We meet on Thursdays for 2 hours and discuss varies topics.  We did the Foccus testing and were assigned our mentor couple and have already meet with them twice.  After the wedding we have another session witht he mentor couple and with father wihin the first year of marriage.  Cost $100

KatieJL121

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_length-of-pre-cana?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:49899626-185d-4d3e-9a96-ccbd4785e654Post:55545f23-9642-4433-801e-2eac7d689818">Re: Length of Pre-Cana</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh here's the fun part about the class he wants us to take.  It's a 1 hour drive to get to it from where we are now.  AND.... it's the weekend before FI's final exams. AND it's the only one we can do since all the others are on impossible weekends for us or they are done over a span of consecutive weeks on weeknights.  No good there, I work late.  I'm probably just complaining too much.  Venting.  I like that word better.  I know it's a process, it just felt overwhelming when he laid it all out.
Posted by pjseabee[/QUOTE]

In response to your OP, yes, it seems pretty normal.  We are in the process of doing all the same things except the mentor couple because they gave us a choice and we chose the one-day Pre-cana.  However, I really suggest talking to your priest about your very busy schedules and time constraints, especially the fact that your FI has final exams the following week.  Most priests will be (and should be, in my opinion) very understanding of how important school is, especially since it will benefit your marriage later on. 

My FI and I are also extremely busy these past few months.  FI has been living across the state going to school and just graduated from the Police Academy, and he is now a police officer in training so his days off are very limited and his schedule can change at any time.  We're also in the process of moving 3 1/2 hours away (where FI is now working) and I'm desperately searching for a job and trying to get into graduate school.  Our priest has been fantastic in working with us.  He has even agreed to hold fewer meetings with us to accommodate our busy lives and just extend them for a little longer to make up for it.  So, I guess my point is...if you're really stressed and worried about FI's grades, then maybe you can politely ask if there's any way to switch the days around that you were supposed to meet.  I was just go with an open mind though and remember that you can't necessarily "get out of it" and nor would you want to because it will definitely benefit you in the long-run, but maybe he can work something out with you.  Good luck and I hope this helps! 

stymitz

that seems very normal, FI and i are almost done with our pre-cana. We had our first meeting with our priest and thats when he told us how the whole process is going to go down. we had two four hour classes (one one week and one the next) and now we just need to meet with him 2 more times and do the couple to couple thing. and then we are finished.

missmis99

We have a total of 7 sessions!

#1 Introductions (1 hour)
Took FOCCUS at home
#2 Disucssed first half of test (1 hour)
#3 Disucssed second half of test (2 hours)
# 4 Pre- cana (all day Saturday)
#5 Sexuality w/ me (1 hour)
#6 Sexuality w/ FI (1 hour)
#7 Logistical session about mass (1 hour)

Cost= $70 for Pre-cana and $30 for test