Money for Church lady

Theresa626

We are going through my fiance's home parish for all pre wedding things and using his home parish priest.  However, our wedding will be at a different church because his home parish is still being built.  The other church is very strict and in my opinion, a little greedy.  We are writing out checks to many different people and making the required donation to the church.  We are paying two hundred dollars for the music director who's told me he's not bothering to come to our wedding because I hired a choir and another 100 dollars to the church lady at that church who handles weddings there.  It adds up to 720 dollars.  

The woman who does weddings at my fiance's church has been kind, friendly, wonderful to work with and helpful.  She said she would come to our wedding to make sure everything goes smoothly.  Everyone at the other church has been the opposite of her.  She has not required or requested any money from us but she is the only person who I think deserves something. 

 I don't want to give one hundred cash because I already feel like everything is really expensive and to me that is a lot of extra money.  I was thinking about getting either fifty dollars cash or perhaps a gift card to a restaurant.  Either way, I wrote her a nice thank you card to go with it.   

So, what would you give her?  

christyhal

I think a gift card to a restaurant (especially if you can find out a particular place she likes) and a nice heartfelt note is a great way to thank her for all the help she's given you.

Riss91

If she's been a great help and will be part of running the ceremony on the day of, I'd give her $50-$100 cash (though I'm sure she's not expecting anything).  We paid over $1,000 to the parish we were married in (we weren't parishoners there). We also brought in our own choir and musicians, but were not asked to pay the church's musicians for not using them. We did have a great experience with both priests and the secretary was relatively helpful. 

Calypso1977

i think it depends on your overall budget and what you are spending elsewhere.

if you are having a lavish reception, in the area of $10K plus, then it seems silly to cheap out with the church lady.  if you are spending $300 on favors or a limo or other non-essential items, it seems silly to cheap out wtih teh church lady.  if you are having a budget wedding across the board, then give her what you can afford.

i think $100 would be appropriate.  to put into perpsective, we spend about $2300 on our reception.  we paid about $600-$700 in church fees, some required, some what we wanted to give.  the church is the most important part.  now i know that you have had some very odd experiences outside of what i think teh mainstream norm is.  but clearly, this woman is not part of the mainstream and probably truly wants to help.  i wouldnt give her less just because you've had some issues wtih the rules and requirements of your church.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_money-church-lady?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:4f461301-44df-41f5-804c-5c38b2bf63d0Post:8dab9f1e-ad8a-419b-a603-c5250e779b55">Re: Money for Church lady</a>:
[QUOTE]i think it depends on your overall budget and what you are spending elsewhere. if you are having a lavish reception, in the area of $10K plus, then it seems silly to cheap out with the church lady.  if you are spending $300 on favors or a limo or other non-essential items, it seems silly to cheap out wtih teh church lady.  if you are having a budget wedding across the board, then give her what you can afford. i think $100 would be appropriate.  to put into perpsective, we spend about $2300 on our reception.  we paid about $600-$700 in church fees, some required, some what we wanted to give. <strong> the church is the most important part.</strong>  now i know that you have had some very odd experiences outside of what i think teh mainstream norm is.  but clearly, this woman is not part of the mainstream and probably truly wants to help.  i wouldnt give her less just because you've had some issues wtih the rules and requirements of your church.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Totally agree with us. We paid about $750 for the church, organist and cantor/vocalist. I think that is on the cheaper end bc I have heard of it even being higher than that like a pp said. H was a member at the church we got married in, but was not considered a member at the time of the wedding bc he had moved out of state a year earlier, therefore, they were able to charge us the non-parishoner fee. Sorry to tell you, but if you want to get married in the Church, you are going to have to pay. All churches require money to operate, some more than others regardless of the denomination.

And I agree with pp about doing something nice for the lady if she has been really helpful to you guys.

Theresa626

MIssy Sue, I know I'm going to do something for her but what would you give her?  Cash and how much or a gift card?  

[Deleted User]

Its hard what to say what kind of gift card without knowing her. You may know better from meeting with her. If she is a coffe drinker, what about a Starbucks giftcard? We got both of our readers gc from there as they are both coffee drinkers. Or if she has a hobby or favorite store, you could get her a gift card there. Or what Barnes & Noble if she likes to read? I think $50 or less is perfectly fine. I even think $25 is a good amount. Remember, it is the thought that counts. Since she has gone above and beyond, you are just trying to give her a little something to thank her. We gave our altar servers $25 cash.