Catholic Weddings

Tuesday questions??

I hope you ladies can come up with some interesting ones.  Here are some of mine to get things going:

1)  What's an irrational wedding peeve of yours?  What about a rational one?
2)  What worries you more for your future teens -- sex or drugs?  Why?

Now you add some!

 

Re: Tuesday questions??

  • 1)  What's an irrational wedding peeve of yours?  What about a rational one?
    Define wedding peeve? Something that people do that is the "norm"? Or something that is "against etiquette" but shouldn't be?


    2)  What worries you more for your future teens -- sex or drugs?  Why?

    Oh man that is a tough one.  Honestly I would have to say drugs.  Only because drugs could most likely lead to sex (and dangerous sex at that).  Plus drugs have more of an immediate danger.  Now if we're just talking pot, I'd rather my kid smoke pot than have sex as a teenager.  My biggest regret was not saving myself for H.  I don't want them to experience that too.  However, I'd still rather them have sex than get warpped up in bad drugs (because that can lead to a ton of other things like addictions, crime, sex, etc)
  • 1)  What's an irrational wedding peeve of yours?  What about a rational one?
    My irrational wedding peeve is that I hate receiving lines.  A lot.  I much prefer the B&G to make rounds during the reception, rather than requiring me to stand in a long line.  I find my interations with the B&G in the receiving line to feel less natural than they'd be otherwise.  And I feel super rushed.  I know it's irrational because really, they're quite practical.  My rational peeve (well, I think it's rational!) is when BP can't sit with their dates.  Especially if their date doesn't really know other people, it just seems rude to me. 
    2)  What worries you more for your future teens -- sex or drugs?  Why?
    I think drugs are kinda scarier/worse, because I mean, drugs are always bad, and sex isn't.  But I also think that because sex is more prevalent in HS than drugs, and plus, we all have the urge to have sex, but we don't all have the urge to do drugs.  I don't want my kids disrespecting their bodies in any way, but I think it's easier to explain why drugs are bad than it is to convince a teen that sex before marriage is bad.  I really don't want my 15 year old daughter doing the things I know many 15 year old girls do, you know?  And I REALLY don't want my son being an over-sexed jerk who doesn't respect women. 

     

  • 1)  What's an irrational wedding peeve of yours? 
    Canon in D - don't get me wrong, the music is beautiful.  But for me it's ruined because as a younger kid I had one of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson's cassette tapes of song (yes, I know, that's extremely embarassing!!!) and they had this awful, dorky song to the tune of Canon in D.  To this day, when I hear Canon in D, all I can think of is their song. :(

    What about a rational one?
    Lots of long speeches.  A few speeches are fine, but I went to one wedding where the best man, MOH, both fathers, and a few more people all gave speeches - and none of them were short.  I really didn't know the couple that well, and definitely didn't now any of the speakers, so sitting through hours of inside/personal jokes and stories that I didn't get was not fun at all.

    2)  What worries you more for your future teens -- sex or drugs?  Why?
    Drugs.  Working for a criminal defense attorney, I've seen so many clients whose lives and families have been hurt by their addictions and drug use, and some people are just never able to stop using.  I know I can teach my children to be safe about sex, so even if they start having sex sooner than I would like, they can at least protect themselves from STDs or pregnancy.  However, there's no way to safely use drugs, and if they get caught up in that, it's so hard to get out.

  • I hate receiving lines too. They drive me bonkers.  Irrational is those spotlight dances all being one right after the other.  It takes up 15 minutes of time. I think it'd be better to spread them out.

    New questions

    3) If you had to write a description of your ideal priest, what would it say?

    4) If you could meet one disciple, who would it be? What would you talk/ask them about?
  • In Response to Re: Tuesday questions??:
    1)  What's an irrational wedding peeve of yours?  What about a rational one? Define wedding peeve? Something that people do that is the "norm"? Or something that is "against etiquette" but shouldn't be?
    Posted by chelseamb11
    Whatever you want it to be :) 

     

  • 1)  What's an irrational wedding peeve of yours? 
    Long speeches. They just suck up too much time and usually have too many inside jokes that the rest of the guests don't understand.
    What about a rational one?
    Cocktail hours with out enough seats. Who wants to eat like that?

    2)  What worries you more for your future teens -- sex or drugs?  Why?
    Drugs with out a second thought. Drugs are always dangerous. The effects are far too permanent and the repercussions echo through an addicts family and friends. Sex (before or in marriage) when done safely really only effects those involved. It does not destroy families or kill brain cells.
    image Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Let me clarify -- I'd kinda rather my teenager have sex with a serious bf/gf than be shooting up heroine on the regular.  But I'm more WORRIED about sex, because I feel like it's not as hard to get your kids to avoid drugs, as it is to keep them chaste.  Some HS kids do hard drugs, but I think they mostly stick to pot, and honestly, I don't think pot is as dangerous as sex, both physically and spiritually.  So that's my reasoning behind my answer :) 

    3) If you had to write a description of your ideal priest, what would it say?
    An ideal priest is faithful to Church teaching, first and foremost.  He knows when to be loving and forgiving, vs when to lay down the law (in confession, in how he handles parish goings-on, and in his daily interactions).  He can relate well to other people, and doesn't have an attitude of "I'm a priest, so treat me so special!"  He doesn't judge people without even knowing them, but rather is inviting to all.

    4) If you could meet one disciple, who would it be? What would you talk/ask them about?
    I have no idea!  I'll have to think about this one.

     

  • edited July 2012
    1) Irrational pet peeves: frivolous traditions like garter/bouquet toss, dollar dances, grand exits, etc. They just seem so unnecessary and tacky.

    Rational pet peeves: someone touched on it the other day- superfluous ceremony symbols (sand ceremony, unity candle, etc.) and written vows stating no promises and only "how much they love the other". The ceremony vows are enough of a symbol, and simply using those vows to reiterate your love rather than promise the profound vows of "honour, cherish, fidelity", etc. is unnecessary and wasteful. You're getting married...we already know you love eachother.

    2) Sex or Drugs scarier?:  It's a toss-up for me. They're equally frightening. Drugs can lead to terrible things (addiction, illness, accidental death, etc.), but sex itself can be a form of addiction and lead to illness and death if so unfortunate as to contract an std. I think that's why one sees them listed so often in tandem: they are both major life-altering experiences that teens are ill-equipped to handle.

    3) Ideal Priest: One that can reconcile what we know to be true of science with what we believe to be true of God/ faith. Patient, kind, compassionate, but firm in spiritual belief.

    4) What disciple would you want to meet/ questions would you ask?: I'd wwant to meet Thomas, and ask him about the nature of his doubt in Christ, and how he went forward when faced with that evidence.

    Added Question:
    5) What lesson would you go back and tell your teenage self?
    : I'll have the rest of my life to experience love, but only a limited time to educate and set myself up for the kind of future I want. Stick to those big life goals- the rest will come later.
    image
    Ovarian cyst lapro: '01, '04, '09 Conal biopsy: '01- results negative Dilation: '03 for cervical scarring Pcos test: '05, FSH and LH normal Mirena removed July '12 My Ovulation Chart
  • What lesson would you go back and tell your teenage self?:
    That it really, truly doesn't matter what the "popular" kids think, so don't waste time trying to fit in.  High school is not going to be the best years of your life, but there's so much more to look forward to.
  • I don't have time for all the questions but I will say my biggest wedding pet peeve, some might see it as irrational but to me it is rational is the people who tap the glasses with a fork expecting you to kiss.  FI and I will not be kissing and hopefully people will get bored of trying.  It does make me tempted to have plastic glasses but we are having a formal wedding so I don't think that will work.

    PitaPata Cat tickers Anniversary
  • Ciarda, I hate that too!  I think it's just really annoying (all the noise!!)!, and it's just weird to demand that someone kiss, even if they did just get married!


    I'm still trying to decide what I'd teach my teen self....probably that there are a LOT more insecure people out there than you'd think, and sometimes the most insecure people seem like the most confident.  Insecurtity is the root of so much drama, especially in HS, so it's useful to be able to recognize it and learn how to deal with it.

     

  • 1) Irrational pet peeves: Head tables.  I HATE head tables.  I mean, even if you sat the wedding party's dates up there, and no etiquette was broken, I still hate head tables.  It just seems more like the B&G and wedding party up on display while they eat.  It's irrational, but it bothers me.

    Rational pet peeves: Slutty wedding dresses.  I'm not talking about strapless, or form-fitting.  But the see-through Pnina Tornai's drive me insane.  Especially when the couple is getting married in a church.  Why would you want to look ultra sexy on your wedding day?  Save that for the wedding night.

    2) Sex or Drugs scarier?:  I agree, this is a toughy.  I guess drugs are scarier because of their dangerous effects and their ability to affect all the other choices a person makes.  At the same time, however, I think premarital sex's dangers go way beyond possible STDs and pregnancies.  The spiritual and emotional effects can be very long-lasting, so I wouldn't want my child to go through that either.  And sex is always more appealing to the masses than drugs.  I never had any interest in drugs, ever.  But sex?  Hmmmm....

    3) Ideal Priest:Everyone else already had really good answers to this. 

    4) What disciple would you want to meet/ questions would you ask?: I'd want to meet Peter.  I'd want to know all about how he dealt with his denial of Christ, how he handled being the first head of the Church.  I'd want to ask him what advice he had for the world today.

    Added Question:
    5) What lesson would you go back and tell your teenage self?
    :

    I'm going to second Erin and tell myself that you don't need to be popular, and you don't need to "fit in."  I would especially tell this to my pre-teen, middle-school self.  I was horribly miserable always trying to please the populars.  I didn't do this as much in high school.

    SaveSave
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Irrational pet peeve: Registries.  It's impolite to mention them except by word of mouth, but people in general do want that information.  The practical side of me cringes.

    Rational pet peeve: Second on the sexy wedding dresses.  Ick.

    Sex or drugs: Honestly, drugs.  They scare me.  Maybe something like pot, but I really don't like what drugs do to people who take them physically, mentally...what they do to the people around these people.  Then again, I don't even like taking advil for a headache so...

    Ideal priest: Someone who understands that science and religion don't have to be exclusive of each other.

    Disciple: A tough one...meeting any of them would be fascinating just from a historical and religious point of view.

    Lesson: Cute boys are not the beginning and end of the universe.

  • Irrational pet peeve: chicken dance. This applies everywhere, not just weddings.
    Rational: agree with unity whatevers, homemade vows that say things like "i'll always take the trash out" (really? always?) bridal party seated apart from dates as happened this Saturday at the wedding we went to. DH was in the wedding; thankfully they put me with the choir which had one of our good friends from college that I haven't seen in awhile, so I got to catch up with him but otherwise I knew no one.

    Sex or drugs: Hmm this is hard because as some PP's said I think while drugs (can be) more harmful depending, they (hard drugs at least) are less prevalent and appealing. I guess my biggest fear re: sex is not so much that they will do it, it's more that they'll develop a worldview contrary to the truth regarding sexuality. If they accept what the Church (and we) teach but fall into sexual sin in spite of that I would be less disturbed than if they just totally absorbed the culture's view of sex.

    Ideal priest: Someone who appreciates the ancient treasures of the Church and exposes his people to them. Can I also ask here--two people have mentioned something the relationship between science and religion here. Is there a specific reason for that? I can't say I've ever encountered a priest (or a reasonably well-catechized Catholic, for that matter) who had an issue with that relationship. The Catholic Church kinda invented science. :)

    Disciple--John or Peter

    Teenage self--I have asked myself this question before and honestly, my dad dying when I was 15 pretty much taught me whatever I would have said to my prior-to-then self.
    Our little saint, 12/18/2010-12/28/2010

    image
  • In Response to Re: Tuesday questions??:
    I guess my biggest fear re: sex is not so much that they will do it, it's more that they'll develop a worldview contrary to the truth regarding sexuality. If they accept what the Church (and we) teach but fall into sexual sin in spite of that I would be less disturbed than if they just totally absorbed the culture's view of sex.
    Posted by caitriona87
    I agree with this statement completely.  Even pious Catholics who fully believe in the Church's teachings make mistakes.  If my children slip, I would be disappointed but also know that I wasn't perfect either.  But if they completely reject the Church's teachings on sexuality (or anything), that would be much more dangerous. 

    SaveSave
  • In Response to Re: Tuesday questions??:
    In Response to Re: Tuesday questions?? : I agree with this statement completely.  Even pious Catholics who fully believe in the Church's teachings make mistakes.  If my children slip, I would be disappointed but also know that I wasn't perfect either.  But if they completely reject the Church's teachings on sexuality (or anything), that would be much more dangerous. 
    Posted by monkeysip
    I agree with both Monkey and Caitriona on this.  I am not overly worried about my kids slipping up.  I'm worried about them falling into the popular views on sex.  I don't want a child who objectifies others and uses them.  I also don't want my child falling into peer-pressure, only to be objectified and used.  I feel confident that I can keep my kids safe from drugs, but I don't feel confident I can keep them safe from the dangers of misused sexuality.  

     

  • About the science/ religion thing, there are so many arguments out there about religion being stupid and impractical and a lie because of the roots it has in books like the bible, torah, quran. "The bible is a work of fiction", yada, yada, yada, and therefore science is the only thing people can trust and should believe in. I seem to also come across alot of people that say "you can't prove it, so it isn't real" regarding the church and our beliefs in its origins. And while I take the stance of "everything we know to be true of science, God created", I still wish I had the theological and scientific knowledge to be able to make clear, concise arguments- especially in a world today where faith systems seem to always take a back-burner to science.

    My parish priest was a physicist/ physics teacher before he entered the seminary and we've had some amazing conversations. I feel so priviledged that I get exposure to the knowledge and high level of thought and reasoning he is able to give all these modern arguments and concerns. I truly believe that the world could benefit from more teachers like him.
    image
    Ovarian cyst lapro: '01, '04, '09 Conal biopsy: '01- results negative Dilation: '03 for cervical scarring Pcos test: '05, FSH and LH normal Mirena removed July '12 My Ovulation Chart
  • Irrational Peeve: Awkward standing-around moments.  Yes, your cousin has a beautiful voice.  No, I do not want to sit around while she sings and everyone stares at each other for five minutes.

    Rational: I'll second the unity-anything, and the "Write love letters to each other, seal them in a box with a bottle of wine, open the wine after your first fight" stuff.  A girlfriend of mine JUST did this at her wedding and there are literally pictures of her and her H goofily nailing this wooden box shut while the guests look on.

    Sex/Drugs: I think I would have to say sex.  I don't know why, but the idea of taking drugs never ever crossed my mind (although I do drink and did quite a bit even in high school), and I guess I'm confident my kids will have the same conviction (although I'm definitely going to do my best to make sure they don't spend their weekends like I did).  I think my fear is the same as Cait's -- that my children will adopt this casual attitude about sexuality and wind up hurt.

    Ideal Priest: Someone who is able to listen and lovingly instruct his flock.  You hear so many girls come on here saying they were flat-out told, "No, you can't do this.  No, I won't explain why," and I know some people exaggerate, but I have encountered priests who have seemed so cold.  I want the representatives of my church to be able to relate to just about everyone.

    Disciple: I have a special place in my heart for St. Mark.  Can't explain.

    Teenage Self: Don't go to that party and keep your pants on.

    New one: If you adopted, would you want kids who look like you?  Or would you want to adopt a child/children from another country/race?
    Anniversary

    image

    image

  • Adoption question: I can't imagine ever being picky about the child we'd be blessed to care for. I'd take the first one they'd let us have, regardless of everything :)

    image
    Ovarian cyst lapro: '01, '04, '09 Conal biopsy: '01- results negative Dilation: '03 for cervical scarring Pcos test: '05, FSH and LH normal Mirena removed July '12 My Ovulation Chart
  • I see what you're saying, lv. Those are definitely the tendencies out there and it is super frustrating. I know I've read/heard some helpful books/talks etc on some of those subjects but I can't remember exactly what they were...I think one was a CD of a talk by Fr. Barron. I will have to try to remember.
    Our little saint, 12/18/2010-12/28/2010

    image
  • So many good questions today!

    Ideal Priest: Someone who is compassionate, and is able to explain the Church's teachings and WHY the Church teaches a certian thing.  Someone who can explain and encourage me to change my ways (if necessary) without making me feel judged or down upon.  Side note - FI have met with our priest for the wedding, and so far I really like him.  He's newly ordained, as in was ordained only a few weeks before we met him, but I felt really comfortable with him.  He was able to discuss things like cohabitation with FI and I, and encouraged us to do some things differently until the wedding, and to pray about some things, without making us feel terrible.
    Disciple: My Catholic knowledge is failing me here, I realize that I've forgotten quite a bit of what I learned over the years in CCD about the different disciples.  Will have to read up and think on this.
    If you adopted, would you want kids who look like you?  Or would you want to adopt a child/children from another country/race?
    I have no preference on this, I think if we made the decision to adopt we would be happy with any child.  If we adopted a child/children from another country, I would want to make sure that they still had a chance to learn about their heritage/culture, so I'd have to keep that in mind (partially just that I would have some learning to do myself, and partially keeping in mind that I would want to visit whatever country it is in the future.)
  • I've always wanted to adopt, even since I was a kid, and I used to only want to adopt a child that looked like me because I wanted the child to be able to keep his adoption a secret if he wanted to.

    But now I don't think that's very important.  I think it's important for the child to be proud of his adoption and learn not to hide it (not saying he has to volunteer that he was adopted... but if people knew, don't be ashamed of it).  It's more important to me now to adopt whatever child God would put in my hands, not a particular race.

    SaveSave
  • Adoption Question: Either.  I can see the benefits on each side, you know?  But I totally agree with Monkey -- I'd want my adopted child to be proud to be adopted, not ashamed.  I had an adopted friend in college who was inspiring.  She said "A lot of people look at adopted kids as unwanted, since they were 'rejected' by their birth parents.  First of all, you don't know that my parents didn't WANT me.  Maybe they just thought that wasn't best for me.  Second of all, just because your birth parents keep you, doesn't mean they necesarily really want you.  But if you're adopted, you know for certain that your adopted parents truly want you.  So in that way, adopted kids are the most wanted of all."  I thought that was a really accurate way of looking at it, really. 

     

  • That's beautiful, Resa.

    I thought of another irrational peeve: "Reception" dresses.  I understand if you are flying to the Bahamas IMMEDIATELY after your reception, you maybe don't want to show up at the airport in your wedding dress, but a lot of the girls I see (people I know personally and people I see on on TV) just want something "sexy" for their reception.  I didn't want to take my wedding dress off!
    Anniversary

    image

    image

  • When I was going through the process of meeting my birth parents, I went to a support group suggested by the agency. Unfortunately, there was some unhealthy attitudes in there -- they got from insecure adoptive parents. Some of these parents told their kids they were rejected, etc. It was awful. My adoptive parents had the healthiest attitude ever- it was all matter of fact and very normal. I had nothing but love for my birth parents, even not knowing them. No "rejection" complex. And its also not like I needed "closure" or something either. 
  • Agape, I don't think I knew you were adopted.  Thanks for sharing that!  It's good to hear positive stories of adoption, when so many people are pretty negative about it.

     

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards