Feedback on Nuptial Mass from non-Catholic guests?

erin5286

As my wedding date draws nearer, I'm starting to worry a little about how my non-Catholic guests will react to the Nuptial mass, since many of them really aren't familiar with a Catholic mass at all.  I'm curious about what sort of feedback others have gotten.

Riss91

We had a Nupitial Mass in Latin. I was petrified that our guests would be miserable sitting through such a long ceremony, especially since only a few parts were English.

To this day, we have guests telling us that our ceremony was one of the most beautiful, special ceremonies they have ever been to.

Anyone that might have something awful to say - just respond "Sorry it wasn't to your liking, we felt it was beautiful and personally very meaningful to us."

bibliophile2010

We got lots of compliments from both Catholics and non-Catholics. Our mass was over an hour. I'm sure that was too long for some people, but they had the good sense not to say anything. I think that's how it goes. Most people respect a long religious ceremony, and those that don't either don't go or don't say anything.

Honestly, we didn't worry a lick about how the ceremony affected others -- we had the ceremony that was right and meaningful for us -- and it turned out that others appreciated it. Then, they all got to enjoy a reception that was about them having food and drink and fun.

stantokm

I think that most people know that a Nuptial Mass is going to be long, so I doubt that you'll have any complaints--also, I doubt that anyone will complain to YOU about it even if they're less than thrilled.

You may want to have your priest mention that only practicing Catholics in good standing with the Church may receive Communion--and that everyone else may walk up with their arms crossed for a blessing (if you're interested in that).  It's a good way for non-Catholics to not feel left out or like people are looking at them NOT going up.  I once had a friend come to Mass with me and he had a hissy fit when I told him that he couldn't go up for Communion because he didn't know the Church's rules.  He acknowledged later that he shouldn't have reacted that way, but it taught me to always let people know in advance.

[Deleted User]

We also had a Nuptial Mass. We wouldn't of had it any other way. We had a lot of immediate family members that were Catholic, however, some were not practicing and many of our extended families and friends were not Catholic. Like the other ladies, we received a lot of compliments on how beautiful and peaceful our Mass was. Our Mass was also over an hour, but we didn't mind. It was the best part of the day in our opinions.

My thoughts are that if they are family members or friends that care about you and your future H, they will be there regardless and at the same time be respectful of your religion even though they may or may not agree with your beliefs.

Resa77

You know, I was really worried about that, too.  My Catholic siblings were like "ewww why are you having a MASS?  It's going to be so long and boring..."  so that certainly didn't make me feel better!  If the Catholics are complaining, I was sure the non-Catholics would be miserable.

I received SOOO many compliments on the ceremony.  People have told me it was the nicest ceremony they'd ever seen.  I'm sure there was a person or two who thought it was way too long and drawn out, but wouldn't ever say so.  I think most guests realize it's not about them, and are just happy to see the bride and groom exchange vows in a ceremony that is meaningful to them.

Calypso1977

like Riss, we had a latin nuptial mass.

while both of our families are catholic, only a handful of the older ones were familiar with the Latin, having growng up with it.

i had no worries - my ceremony wasnt for the guests, it was for us. 

the feedback i did get was that they thought it was "cool", as they had never seen latin before.  Others said they were lost and didnt understand anything (latin/english missals were provided), but the vows of course were all in english so they understood that.

we did purposely not invite children tho - it was a long enough ceremony for adults to sit thru, kids, particularly kids who dont attend church and havent been taught how to behave in church, never would have lasted.

erin5286

Thanks for all the feedback ladies!  I certainly wouldn't change having a Nuptial mass, since that's what FI and I think is best for our ceremony.  It's nice to hear that a lot of non-Catholics will appreciate and even enjoy the Mass.  Even if they don't, I'm sure no one will complain to my face (at least not rudely, I'm sure I'll get a few joking remarks but that won't bother me).

We really couldn't get away with not inviting children, but I certainly wouldn't be offended if families with small children chose not to attend the ceremony or had to leave partway through.  Maybe I'll have to let FMIL know that she can pass that along by word of mouth, since all the families with kids are on FI's side of the family.  I don't want to come across as telling them not to come, just that we understand if it's too much for the kids to handle.

professorscience

We also had a TON of compliments on our ceremony, and we had a very large number of non-Catholic guests.  The only complaint I heard was that one of my husband's great-aunts was offended that she could not take communion, but that's really not an issue with me.  If she doesn't understand (and doesn't want to understand) why she can't receive, that's her business.

Overall the comments were very positive.  A lot of our nonCatholic friends and family said it was the best, most personal, wedding they'd ever attended. 

I had some very negative comments from my grandparents, who wound up not coming to our wedding, but in the end, the mass was about H and me and our relationship with Christ, not them.  I agree with Riss, if anyone is rude enough to mention that they didn't like this or that, you just have to brush it off and say, "I'm sorry you didn't agree with that, but it is our choice."

emilou02

IMHO, I think that if the church permits you to celebrate with a nuptial mass and that is what you and your beloved want, then that is the way to go. As my mom said once (half-jokingly), she thought it was kind of rude for two practicing Catholics to have a church ceremony on a Saturday evening without celebrating the Eucharist because then she had to wake up the next morning and go to church all over again when she could have just knocked out her Sunday obligation the night before! haha

Seriously though, don't worry about the extra 15 minutes. While the reception is geared more toward your guests, the ceremony is about the two of you coming together with God and deserves to be truly distinguished in whatever way you deem appropriate.

(Oh, and as a Catholic at a joint Bar/Bat Mitzvah who wasn't familiar with the ceremony, language, tradition, or anything else going on, I thought that the Hebrew songs and prayers were the coolest. Just because your non-Catholic friends aren't familiar with  the mass doesn't mean they won't appreciate the new experience.)

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_feedback-on-nuptial-mass-from-non-catholic-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:5c73d98a-752b-4640-8589-977b1ff0a011Post:b23dfe66-18fe-44c5-9062-a130e5db114b">Re: Feedback on Nuptial Mass from non-Catholic guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]IMHO, I think that if the church permits you to celebrate with a nuptial mass and that is what you and your beloved want, then that is the way to go. As my mom said once (half-jokingly), <strong>she thought it was kind of rude for two practicing Catholics to have a church ceremony on a Saturday evening without celebrating the Eucharist because then she had to wake up the next morning and go to church all over again when she could have just knocked out her Sunday obligation the night before! </strong>haha Seriously though, don't worry about the extra 15 minutes. While the reception is geared more toward your guests, the ceremony is about the two of you coming together with God and deserves to be truly distinguished in whatever way you deem appropriate. (Oh, and as a Catholic at a joint Bar/Bat Mitzvah who wasn't familiar with the ceremony, language, tradition, or anything else going on, I thought that the Hebrew songs and prayers were the coolest. Just because your non-Catholic friends aren't familiar with  the mass doesn't mean they won't appreciate the new experience.)
Posted by emilou02[/QUOTE]

Yeah, but from my experience and what I usually hear is that most Saturday wedding masses are early, before the vigil time.  If they're before 4:00pm, they don't count as your weekend mass. 

Like here in Houston, most parishes only offer saturday nuptial masses in the early afternoon (usually 1, 2, or 3pm).  If you want a saturday evening mass (5, 6, 7pm) then it CAN'T be a mass.

zantster

I must say that on those shows like four weddings ceremonies definitely get judged for length and creativity.  But since this is not for entertainment me and FI are having a Nuptial Mass.  I think that when our guests see how in love and committed we are to each other, they won't even notice anything else.