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Catholic Weddings

FOCCUS Fears?!

Not quite sure how the 'focus' part is spelled, but you know what I mean. 

My FI and I are taking the test this upcoming weekend.... I'm pretty unsure of what to expect.  Does it take long?! They really didn't tell us anything about it...
~*DD June 18th, 2012*~



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Re: FOCCUS Fears?!

  • edited December 2011
    There's no reason to worry about it.  There were, I want to say, 150 or so questions.  Took about a half hour - forty minutes.  Most of the questions we had discussed at length in our relationship, there were a few that made us think, which is the whole point obviously, but as long as the communication lines are open between you and your FI there is absolutely nothing to worry about!  
    image
  • Theresa626Theresa626 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It took about an hour to take and then later on, an hour to discuss with the couple.  YOu can't fail it.  It wasn't as bad as it seems. 
  • edited December 2011
    Don't think of it as a test.  It's really an opportunity to get started talking about some important topics to consider before you get married.

    Even if you answer a lot of questions differently, they aren't going to refuse to marry you.  When my parents were doing marriage counseling, they had very different responses to a lot of questions.  The priest suggested that they reconsider getting married, but they got married anyway.  They just celebrated their 28th anniversary.
  • edited December 2011
    Most of the questions are probably things you and your FI have already covered, but just take your time and answer as honestly as possible. It's a tool to open up communciation, not something that should prevent you from getting married by the church. Our presider let us take it home and each of us did it on our own (LD relationship makes it easier).
  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    We took it when we first met with our priest. We were in separate rooms and finished in maybe half an hour. The questions were all pretty much things we'd discussed already - raising children, what we'll do if we're infertile, our careers, views toward money (earning it, saving it, spending it, how we'd each feel if our partner earns more/less), how we practice and view our religion, how we'll handle going to and participating in church together, etc.

    We talked about it on the ride home afterward and compared answers, and the only things that we were really "confused" about were the wording on certain questions. I think a lot of things were open to personal interpretation, and once we discussed them we found that we had similar viewpoints even if we interpreted the question in a different way than each other.

    Our priest looked at the results at our last meeting last week - we saw him flipping through the paper, and the little black bars seemed to be pretty long, which I *guess* is a good thing? He didn't share the results with us. The only thing he said was, "Have the two of you discussed your faith?" and we said yes, and that was that. I'm guessing that we had different answers in that category because I am more observant of the specifics of Catholocism whereas he views religion from a more spiritual/"be a good person" point of view.

    Don't be nervous, it's really not a big deal. You will be fine.
    image
  • edited December 2011

    I agree with a lot of what people are saying, dont think of it as a test, but just a something  to strengthen communication.  My FI and I actually answered way differently on a lot of answers.  Our priest told us we had a lot to dicuss with him, we were so nervous because we have talked about everything over and over again.  It turned out my FI put unsure on like half the answers because he was confused with the wording, and didn't want to answer the questions wrong lol.  So don't be worried even if you don't answer the same there are just some things you have to discuss with the priest....maybe im weird, but I enjoyed the test. : )

  • edited December 2011
    I enjoyed taking it too :) Took about a half hour and we were in separate rooms. We discussed the results about a month later and we actually did very well. I will have to agree that the wording of some of the questions was weird but in all honestly, there wasn't anything on the foccus that we hadn't already discussed in our relationship.
  • edited December 2011
    I just wanted to add, that it really depends on your priest with how long your discussion is afterward.  We had a two hour "talk" 90% of the time we talked about questions that we answered the same.  Our priest was a bit ridiculous though.  
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  • ocgirl310ocgirl310 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    what pp are saying is true! dont be nervous:) my fiance and i had a great time afterwards talking about what the other put as answers to the questions. it was fun. it just asks questions about how you feel about kids/money/sex/communication/religion etc and then checks it against your fiances answers. just be honest and it will help you grow as a couple, it did for my fiance and i.  when we met with our preist later and went over the results, we discovered we got the lowest score on "finances"!!! scary!! so of course we cleared the air on money and accounts and such. it was a good thing for us.
  • edited December 2011
    LOL I was the same way.  I actually googled it for sample questions (yes I have issues LOL).   It took us about 20 minutes (we talked about almost everything).  Then a few weeks later we met with our marriage mentor couple from the parish and went over it.  We did really well.  As a group we just discussed the points that we differed on.  The ones we differed were mostly because one of us interpretted it differently than intended. 
    10/10 Sept. Siggy: 1st Anniversary Ideas- a weekend away at our favorite B&B in NH
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  • edited December 2011
    thanks all!
    ~*DD June 18th, 2012*~



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