Big delema Mass or no Mass?

ericathereze

This is going be long so bear with me.
I come from a very catholic and tight knit family and FI was baptized Lutheran but dose not practice any religion and isn't close with much of his family. FI has said that he will most likely become catholic someday when he is ready (yay!). the majority of my side is Catholic and I can only think of about two families that are Catholic on his side. If we where to have a mass the only people in the bridal party to receive communion would be me, one bridesmaids, one groomsman, the Junior attendants (2), and the ring bearer. It is very important to my parents that we have a mass (my parents are paying for the majority of the wedding). FI could care less which way it goes, and I'm stuck somewhere in the middle. I guess I have always thought of having a full blown mass for my wedding, but the fact that I won't be able to share the Eucharist with FI is a little heartbreaking to me.
Here is the second twist to the whole thing, the Pastor of or church (Msgr) is leaving in June so we have asked the Deacon that we went to marriage prep for to be our officiant. We were looking to have a priest so we could have the mass but our Dec has made it clear that having just the ceremony would be best. But recently we have discovered that Msgr thought that he was going to have a role or wants one. I would love for him to be a part of the wedding we just thought we would be asking to much of him since he is leaving. I had talked with Msgr before about finding another priest to celebrate the mass, and he said that was fine. But now it seems he does want to be apart of our wedding so maybe we can have a mass. That would make my family very happy and me to an extent. But at the same time I don't want to make FI's side feel uncomfortable.
I know I need to talk to both Dec and Msgr, but I would like some advice from anyone who has bee through something like this.
Thank you for reading this I appreciate any feedback.

samurai21

This is a very personal question and there really is no right or wrong answer. My immediate family are very strong practicing Catholics, my dad'd mother was fervent with her faith as well. FI was baptised Lutheran, went to a few non-denominational churches growing up every once in awhile but for the most part he and his family aren't churchgoers.

My parents really wanted us to have a full mass, but that wasn't important enough to me to exclude 95% of our noncatholic guest list from communion, and I also didn't feel comfortable taking communion while FI just watched. FI has talked about maybe converting down the road, but once thing that clutched my decision was that he doesn't believe in communion the way we do with the body and blood of Christ. I didn't want to have something in our ceremony that he 100% doesn't believe in. My FI is spiritual, so the rest of the religious aspect of our ceremony he agree with.

So, if your FI truly doesn't care and it's that important to you then have a full mass, but if you're going to honestly be uncomfortable taking communion without him, then don't. But I would try talking to him more to get a more firm opinion.

kmg977

I am going through the same decision....and its a hard one.  I would think though, that since your fiance is not Catholic it would be best to leave out the Eucharist.  That is my personal opinion, but just remember that this is a personal decision, and really go with what you believe it best.  Good luck. 

bel138

At our wedding, about 10 people went up for communion. At least 50 were Catholic. Basically, it was us, our parents, and the Catholic members of our bridal party that went up. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.

However, if my DH wasn't Catholic, this would have been a harder decision. I don't know if I like the symbolism of one spouse receiving and the other not. But then again, I don't know if I could have married a non-Catholic or non-practicing man.

Don't make the decision based on your parents desires. Or your guest list. That's like saying I would be offended that I couldn't participate in something at my Hindu friend's wedding. Make the decision based on what is important to you and your FI.

mica178

We're going through the same thing.  Both sides have enough Catholics that we might just do the mass so that our guests don't have to go to church in addition to our wedding.  But I think it'd be weird to do the full thing if my FI couldn't take Communion (although my music director indicated that the pastor could do an exemption to allow him a one-time Communion on the wedding day).  As the PPs said, there's no one right choice here.

mswood1977

In my parish, if the marriage is between a Catholic and a non-Catholic they strongly discourage having a full mass.  They do this because of the bridal couple not being able to receive the Eucharist together and because often times it will leave one entire side feeling left out.

Karen's MOH

Samurai put into words just what i have been feeling about the whole thing. I don't really want to start our lives together with just me taking communion. Our guest list is probably about half Catholic, and I also did consider them, both the fact that we basically would have to tell people NOT to take communion, and that some non-Catholics probably would anyway since their churches allow it. FI was baptized Catholic but his family really aren't church go-ers at all. So we are having the ceremony only.

[Deleted User]

It is a very personal decision, but generally if both bride and groom can't partake in communion, then you do not have full mass. When is the wedding? Would FI have time to complete RCIA before the wedding if it is something that he is serious about? My best advice would be to pray over it and try to explain to FI what it means to be able to receive the Eucharist together so that way he may have a better understanding of where you are coming from.

As far as the relatives and friends not being able to partake, don't worry about that, more than half of our people aren't Catholic either, but you should make the decision based on you and your FI, not anyone else.

PressMe

I have to agree with the posts above. The ceremony is all about unity and following it with a sacrament where you can't both participate may be a little unsettling.  However, your FI may view this as even more reason to become Catholic. You've always wanted to have Mass at your wedding.  Talk to the priest to ensure that your FI will feel that the blessing he receives at that time won't have him feeling left out.

While both my FI and I are Catholic, neither of our families are.  We may have 10 ppl out of 200 that will receive.  However, this is an opportunity for us to share our faith with our family and friends.

Calypso1977

i think that if its important to you to have the Mass, and your FI is ok with having the Mass, then you shoudl do it.  you shoudl not be concerned with what your guests may think or want.  the wedding ceremony and the mass, should you choose to have it, are for you and your FI.

some will argue that folks will feel "left out" if they cant receive.  ive never understood this as i go to weddings in other faiths all of the time and never feel left out when every goes upt o participate in whatever type of communion or rituals that are offered.

iamapixie

My fiance isn't Catholic, but I feel very strongly about having a full mass for our wedding and he appreciates how important it is to me, so we are having one. We too were strongly discouraged from doing so, but they can't force you either way. If you feel strongly about having a full mass, have one!

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_big-delema-mass-mass?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:618f7580-3bd1-4dad-8c88-db97ba7214fcPost:50b520eb-4727-42a4-9804-cbe163468114">Re: Big delema Mass or no Mass?</a>:
[QUOTE]Samurai put into words just what i have been feeling about the whole thing. I don't really want to start our lives together with just me taking communion. Our guest list is probably about half Catholic, and I also did consider them, both the fact that we basically would have to tell people NOT to take communion, and that some non-Catholics probably would anyway since their churches allow it. FI was baptized Catholic but his family really aren't church go-ers at all. So we are having the ceremony only.
Posted by Karen's MOH[/QUOTE]


This is what I have seen most often and it makes good sense to me.

I think that having a special occasion to take communion together will come when your FI does his RICA and then you can receive as one.

ericathereze

Thank you all so much for your input. We have decided that we are going to just have the ceremony. My biggest reason is I would much rather be able to recieve communion with FI rather than just by myself. We also have discovered that since our wedding will be at 2pm on Saturday we will not be fullfilling our obligation for sunday mass. So we can go to mass with my in and out of town family on Sunday. So it works out for everyone.