I'm Catholic...he's not

CS4232011

So looking advice here...

I'm meeting with my priest (just him and I) next week, but I wanted to educate myself beforehand. 

My fiance is Lutheran--which I think is as close to Catholic you can get without actually being. We're having the wedding at my church and my mom and I want to have a mass.

However, when it comes time for Communion, I feel funny about having my half of the church going up and recieving, and his family sitting out...what are the rules about non-catholics recieving? 

I know this is a sensitive area for his family and I don't want to make them feel like second class citizens on their son's/grandson's wedding, and I want them to feel included. 

Have any of you encountered this?  Any suggestions how to make the ceremony neutral but still spiritual?

bel138

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholiches-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:61966647-41c7-419e-95d8-352a7eb9f818Post:8495301e-d403-476f-b63a-5056d4a31a9d">I'm Catholic...he's not</a>:
[QUOTE]We're having the wedding at my church and my mom and I want to have a mass.
Posted by CS4232011[/QUOTE]
 
You and your mom are not getting married. There are three people that matter in this question: you, your FI, your priest. The priest may or may not allow this. If he does, you really need to consider your FI's feelings, not your mom's or your other guests'. He may feel like he's an outsider in his own wedding ceremony if he cannot receive. On the other hand, he may recognize it's important to you and want to include it. You really need to talk to him because this decision belongs between the two of you.

[Deleted User]

If your FH cannot partake, it is not generally recommended that you have a full mass with the Eucharist. I wouldn't worry about his family not being able to partake, it is your FH you should be worried about.

Is he willing or does he want to convert? I know RCIA has started at my church and other churches as well, so it may not be very hard for him to join. I am sure he could cathch up somehow.

I would definitely talk to your priest about this one. You could also check out catholicweddinghelp.com for more info.

Calypso1977

yes, you need to consult with your FI to see how he feels about Mass.  what his family wants (and yours) is irrelevant.  If he is comfrotable with, and ok wtih the Mass, even if his family isnt, then you should do it. 

while the non-catholics cant receive, they can go up for a blessing. 

CS4232011

He's comfortable with it, but where his family's concerned, THAT's where his discomfort kicks in. He knows it's important to me--so I'm putting him in the middle and that's really the last thing I want to do.  He's totally fine with raising them Catholic.

--I can see how the "my mom and I" looks bad... I want it because I want it, not influence from my mom, I just meant that it means something to both of us, it's completely independent from my choice.  My fiance really doesn't care about the issue--he believes in God but he's not caught up with a denomination one way or the other and is a "christmas/easter" church goer.

My concerns about his family aren't me "sucking up" or trying to be a people pleaser, I love them like my own, and I don't want them feeling like we're "holier than thou". I want people to walk away feeling good and happy about our unity, not slighted.  I feel like if there was a way to explain why we don't allow non-Catholics in a kind way they might be better about it. 

We've been to funerals where the priest (not mine) was really rude in announcing "If you're not Catholic, DO NOT GET IN LINE" and that offended even me who was Catholic.  I'm looking for a more "friendly" approach?  I'm willing to forgo the mass, I just want the day to be about unity, not shoving one denomination on the other.

My fiance and I have very open and honest discussions--we pretty much know where we stand on everything.  But like it or not and whether you want to admit it--when you marry the guy, you're marrying the family and while you're not living your lives according to their rules, you can't act as though they don't exist.

I was looking for people who may have actually dealt with a similar situation and what they're experiences were and get some support on making the ceremony a reverent occasion of God bringing two people (families) together.

Thanks for the information about the website, I'll definitely check it out. 

Calypso1977

oh, my, no priest should say "dont get in line".  yikes.

id probably just explain the concept of the true presence and why we believe in true presences vs. it being a symbol.    reiterate how they can walk up, kneel and receive a blessing.  also, maybe there is some other way to incorporate at least his folks by doing something like a unity candle if your priest will allow one.

maybe its hard for me to see since i'm catholic, but i still dont get how folks feel left out becuase they cant receive communion.  the ceremony is still about unitiing the two of you and folks can witness that.   they still get to witness the mass and its beauty, still get ot receive a blessing, etc.

Themis278

I'm lutheran and my FI is catholic. I had a BIG issue with having to stand asside while everyone took communion. It felt odd not being able to fully take place in my our marriage ceremony. I get not being around to take communion in gerneal but it didn't feel right to me.

I would talk with your FI on his wishes first. The cathedral pushed us not to have the Eucharist. I would also tread lightly on the RCIA thing. Its a personal choice, and if this isn't something that has been brought up before it might not go over well. And I also got grilled on converting from the Church, more so on - you better not convert just to get married here, type of deal.

Themis278

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholiches-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:61966647-41c7-419e-95d8-352a7eb9f818Post:662b22fc-beba-439c-b9c9-fce81dbfa944">Re: I'm Catholic...he's not</a>:
[QUOTE]He's comfortable with it, but where his family's concerned, THAT's where his discomfort kicks in. He knows it's important to me--so I'm putting him in the middle and that's really the last thing I want to do.  He's totally fine with raising them Catholic. --I can see how the "my mom and I" looks bad... I want it because I want it, not influence from my mom, I just meant that it means something to both of us, it's completely independent from my choice.  My fiance really doesn't care about the issue--he believes in God but he's not caught up with a denomination one way or the other and is a "christmas/easter" church goer. My concerns about his family aren't me "sucking up" or trying to be a people pleaser, I love them like my own, and I don't want them feeling like we're "holier than thou". I want people to walk away feeling good and happy about our unity, not slighted.   I feel like if there was a way to explain why we don't allow non-Catholics in a kind way they might be better about it.  We've been to funerals where the priest (not mine) was really rude in announcing "If you're not Catholic, DO NOT GET IN LINE" and that offended even me who was Catholic.  I'm looking for a more "friendly" approach?  I'm willing to forgo the mass, I just want the day to be about unity, not shoving one denomination on the other. My fiance and I have very open and honest discussions--we pretty much know where we stand on everything.  But like it or not and whether you want to admit it--when you marry the guy, you're marrying the family and while you're not living your lives according to their rules, you can't act as though they don't exist. I was looking for people who may have actually dealt with a similar situation and what they're experiences were and get some support on making the ceremony a reverent occasion of God bringing two people (families) together. Thanks for the information about the website, I'll definitely check it out. 
Posted by CS4232011[/QUOTE]


I didn't see this before I responded. But you sound a lot like me and my FI except roels reversed. You mean the best and you know where the two of you stand and now you are just trying to find a way to express that in your ceremony.

I've gone to a lot of catholic weddings, and I've attend catholic services out of choice as a adult more then Lutheran.  That being said the Eucharist is such a HUGE symbol in my opinion and to be fair it is a good percentage of the ceremony that it felt weird to me to not only sit on the sidelines for that but to also watch my family sit there too. It is suppose to be uniting two familes, and in this case two cultures. Dividing the ceremony like that seemed to go against the point of the ceremony.

And an FYI, of the 30+ weddings I've been to in the past 10 years majority were catholic, when the family was split on regilions anything that was differnet then the norm most people were confused or lost. I never knew that you could go up to receive a blessing only, and that may hold true to his family too.  I wouldn't be surprised if you did pick this that many may not go up because they would prefer to opt out then to go up and mess something up or make a fool of themselves....

Riss91

Our priest made a brief statement before communion, explaining the Catholic Church views and how they might differ from other churches. He explained that only Catholics in a state of grace (which he briefly covered that as well) should receive, but others are welcomed up for a blessing. No one was offended, and many participated.

Blueyed228

We are having a mass but no communion since FI is Catholic and I am not.

You dont need to announce it.  People who are not allowed to receive communion know they are not allowed and will not get up.  I dont think you need to make a big deal out if it.

agapecarrie

Having the Eucharist is NOT divisive. That is a very small way of looking at it.

It IS unifying in its principal. The very fact that not everyone can receive (including Catholics who are not in the state of grace) should BE the unifying idea...it makes us very aware of our brokenness and helps us to long for and strive more for a unified church.

The infinite graces available at the Holy Sacrifice of the mass (the source and summit of our faith ...highest form of prayer). when the veil between time/space and heaven/earth is lifted and Christ becomes present in the flesh should not be so easily discarded. It should make us ALL uncomfortable and desire unity.

Calypso1977

how on earth do you have mass and no communion?  wont people start filing up to the altar rail at communion time?  talk about awkward when they are turned away?  not being snarky, but i'm seriously curious about the logisitcs here.

our priest gave a brief explanation as well.    that's his right to explain teh "rules" if you will surrounding communion.  we didnt ask him to do it, he did it on his own and i was totally ok with it.

Themis278

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholiches-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:61966647-41c7-419e-95d8-352a7eb9f818Post:214d957c-eef7-4ed3-8087-351f77a9b217">Re: I'm Catholic...he's not</a>:
[QUOTE]Having the Eucharist is NOT divisive. That is a very small way of looking at it. It IS unifying in its principal. The very fact that not everyone can receive (including Catholics who are not in the state of grace) should BE the unifying idea...it makes us very aware of our brokenness and helps us to long for and strive more for a unified church. The infinite graces available at the Holy Sacrifice of the mass (the source and summit of our faith ...highest form of prayer). when the veil between time/space and heaven/earth is lifted and Christ becomes present in the flesh should not be so easily discarded. It should make us ALL uncomfortable and desire unity.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

I can see your point but at the same time for those that are not of the Catholic they do not view it the same way. I <em>know</em> my family would see it as a divide. Not in the "holier then thou" type that the OP askes about, but more so from the prespective of that FI whole family knows and understands whats going on and would be invited to take part in the service, whereas mine would not. Yes their may be tackful ways to try to conquer that feeling, but I know that is how my family would feel. OP needs to ask that question of her and FI. Thats all I was pointing out - how I feel about it to help her see the otherside.

It was very hard for my FI to understand how I feel about this, and still is hard sometimes, so when I saw another person in this position I'm just trying to offer the side of it, not get into a right or wrong debate. It might not make sense to some but for a long time I didn't understand the importance of it. I don't view it in the same light as FI, I didn't learn the importance or explaination behind it fromt he same point of view as him.

When I worded it that way he understood where I was coming from.

Blueyed228

Let me re-phrase. 

FI was concerned that he would not be receiving his sacrament or whatever without having communion.  I said no communion.

Priest said you didnt need communion to receive the sacrament.  Whether that is true or false I dont know/ dont care.  If that is a mass or not I dont know/dont care.  But thats what the priest called it, or at least how I understood that he called it a mass.

But if FI had insisted on having communion, I would have been very upset and so would have been my family.

I have been to wedding that had communion.  I know enough not to go up to receive it.  Answering OP's question, I dont think there is a polite way to tell people not to get in line, they should already know that.  And if your FI doesnt want it, I dont think you should push it.

Themis278

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholiches-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:61966647-41c7-419e-95d8-352a7eb9f818Post:5cd53abf-23b3-49cc-88b4-66c39cbf6620">Re: I'm Catholic...he's not</a>:
[QUOTE]how on earth do you have mass and no communion?  wont people start filing up to the altar rail at communion time?  talk about awkward when they are turned away?  not being snarky, but i'm seriously curious about the logisitcs here. our priest gave a brief explanation as well.    that's his right to explain teh "rules" if you will surrounding communion.  we didnt ask him to do it, he did it on his own and i was totally ok with it.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Their's a "special edition" of the Together for Life book that explains how it works for what is called marriage outside of mass. It will have the same look and feel of mass but they just move past the Eucharist part

Calypso1977

i  understand a ceremony outside of mass.  but blue eyed said she was having mass but no communion.  that is what i didnt understand.   it sounds like she is not having mass, therefore no communion. 

clearheavens

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholiches-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:61966647-41c7-419e-95d8-352a7eb9f818Post:8495301e-d403-476f-b63a-5056d4a31a9d">I'm Catholic...he's not</a>:
[QUOTE]So looking advice here... I'm meeting with my priest (just him and I) next week, but I wanted to educate myself beforehand.  <strong>My fiance is Lutheran--which I think is as close to Catholic you can get without actually being.</strong> We're having the wedding at my church and my mom and I want to have a mass. However, when it comes time for Communion, I feel funny about having my half of the church going up and recieving, and his family sitting out...what are the rules about non-catholics recieving?  I know this is a sensitive area for his family and I don't want to make them feel like second class citizens on their son's/grandson's wedding, and I want them to feel included.  Have any of you encountered this?  Any suggestions how to make the ceremony neutral but still spiritual?
Posted by CS4232011[/QUOTE]

<div>I just wanted to clarify a small theological point.  The closest faith to Catholicism without being Catholic is actually the Orthodox Church.</div><div>
</div><div>Both the Catholic and the Orthodox Churches has identical Nicene Creeds.  But what uniquely makes Catholicism and Orthodox as close together as they are is that we both consider to have unbroken apostolic succession that is traced to St. Peter.  Why is this significant?  It means both of our Eucharist have the Real Presence of Christ, both of our priests have reconciliation powers, and so on.  With all respect, not even the Anglicans or the Lutherans are considered to have this.</div><div>
</div><div>What is the #1 difference between Catholics and Orthodox?  In 1054, there was a Great Schism, aka East-West Schism, and the Catholics have leadership in Rome with the pope and the Orthodox have leadership elsewhere among bishops.</div><div>
</div><div>It's also interesting to note that the Byzantine Catholic Church, which is an Eastern Rite in full communion with Rome (meaning they are fully and equally Catholic in every sense), actually has <em>identical</em> worship and liturgical form to the Orthodox.  So when you walk in a Byzantine Liturgy, you won't tell any difference between it and an Orthodox Liturgy.  But the difference is, one is Catholic and one is Orthodox.  These Byzantines are truly like the middle man or the Switzerland.</div><div>
</div><div>Why don't you ever hear about Eastern Catholics?  Eastern Catholics constitute less than 2% of all Catholics.  About 98% are Latin Catholics.  While there are some Eastern Catholic churches in the US, you most likely would find them in Eastern Europe and Russia (hence, east).</div><div>
</div><div>If I have any of this wrong, ladies on this board, let me know.  I don't want this to be a debate, but I do feel it's necessary to show that the only Catholics are <em>not</em> Latin, and that the Holy Presence in the Eucharist is<em> not</em> unique to only the Catholic Church.</div><div>
</div><div>Now on to your situation.</div><div>
</div><div>I agree with pp.  This is between you, your FI, and your priest.  Ordinarily, I would advise people to have communion because it's the source and summit of our Catholic faith.  I ditto what agapecarrie said.</div><div>
</div><div>Having said that, I don't think it's polite for the priest to make an announcement.  For the programs, you could put this note.  It emphasizes that even Catholics who are not in a state of grace can't receive:</div><div><div>
</div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:Georgia;line-height:normal;font-size:small;" class="Apple-style-span"><strong>For our fellow Christians</strong></span></div><div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;"><p style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:small;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;">We welcome our fellow Christians to this celebration of the Eucharist as our brothers and sisters. We pray that our common baptism and the action of the Holy Spirit in this Eucharist will draw us closer to one another and begin to dispel the sad divisions which separate us. We pray that these will lessen and finally disappear, in keeping with Christ's prayer for us "that they may all be one" (Jn 17:21).</p><p style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:small;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;"> </p><p style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:small;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;">Because Catholics believe that the celebration of the Eucharist is a sign of the reality of the oneness of faith, life, and worship, members of those churches with whom we are not yet fully united are ordinarily not admitted to Holy Communion. Eucharistic sharing in exceptional circumstances by other Christians requires permission according to the directives of the diocesan bishop and the provisions of canon law (canon 844 § 4). Members of the Orthodox Churches, the Assyrian Church of the East, and the Polish National Catholic Church are urged to respect the discipline of their own Churches. According to Roman Catholic discipline, the Code of Canon Law does not object to the reception of communion by Christians of these Churches (canon 844 § 3). </p><p style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:small;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;"> </p><p style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:small;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;">ches with whom we are not yet fully united are ordinarily not admitted to Holy Communion. Eucharistic sharing in exceptional circumstances by other Christians requires permission according to the directives of the diocesan bishop and the provisions of canon law (canon 844 § 4). Members of the Orthodox Churches, the Assyrian Church of the East, and the Polish National Catholic Church are urged to respect the discipline of their own Churches. According to Roman Catholic discipline, the Code of Canon Law does not object to the reception of communion by Christians of these Churches (canon 844 § 3). </p><p style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:small;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;"> </p><p style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:small;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;"><strong>For those not receiving Holy Communion</strong></p><p style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:small;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;">All who are not receiving Holy Communion are encouraged to express in their hearts a prayerful desire for unity with the Lord Jesus and with one another.</p><p style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:small;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;"> </p><p style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:small;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;"><strong>For non-Christians</strong></p><p style="font-family:Georgia;font-size:small;margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;">We also welcome to this celebration those who do not share our faith in Jesus Christ. While we cannot admit them to Holy Communion, we ask them to offer their prayers for the peace and the unity of the human family.</p></div></div></div>

bibliophile2010

I am always of the opinion that you should talk to your priest about what to put in a program. For some, referring to the missal might be more helpful -- my parish does not provide missals, so that is not an option. On the other hand, I know that many priests make a kind announcement (not "don't even think about getting in line") as described by PPs.

I'm also of the opinion that in mixed marriages (a Catholic and a non-Catholic Christian), the ceremony outside of mass is the best choice.

Blueyed228

Calypso- I said that is how the priest worded it.  Not me. He said everything a mass includes except for the communion part.  He offered the communion as an option since i am Greek Orthodox and the catholic church recognizes me as able to receive communion, however my church does not allow me to do so.

I am not versed enough in the "rules" of a catholic wedding to know if he mis-spoke or not, but thats what he said.  I was just telling OP that this was something offered to me.

clearheavens

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholiches-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:61966647-41c7-419e-95d8-352a7eb9f818Post:28b536e5-f885-417a-8ff5-7a6f16c5756c">Re: I'm Catholic...he's not</a>:
[QUOTE]Let me re-phrase.  FI was concerned that he would not be receiving his sacrament or whatever without having communion.  I said no communion.<strong> Priest said you didnt need communion to receive the sacrament.  Whether that is true or false I dont know/ dont care.  If that is a mass or not I dont know/dont care.  </strong>But thats what the priest called it, or at least how I understood that he called it a mass. But if FI had insisted on having communion, I would have been very upset and so would have been my family. I have been to wedding that had communion.  I know enough not to go up to receive it.  Answering OP's question, I dont think there is a polite way to tell people not to get in line, they should already know that.  And if your FI doesnt want it, I dont think you should push it.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Just to clarify for lurkers:

<div>Sacrament = a permanent and exclusive union between husband and wife that mirrors the mutual commitment between God and the Church, so it follows that a sacrament is between two baptized Christians, of which one must be Catholic</div><div>
</div><div>Wedding outside of Mass = basically a ceremony that includes just a Liturgy of the Word (ie: readings) and Rite of Marriage; does not include the Eucharist (ie: communion)</div><div>
</div><div>Wedding within Mass = ceremony that includes the above and the Eucharist</div></div>

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholiches-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:61966647-41c7-419e-95d8-352a7eb9f818Post:c3c191f8-4f8e-46ae-88f1-9711850c402f">Re: I'm Catholic...he's not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm Catholic...he's not : Just to clarify for lurkers: Sacrament = a permanent and exclusive union between husband and wife that mirrors the mutual commitment between God and the Church, so it follows that a sacrament is between two baptized Catholics Wedding outside of Mass = basically a ceremony that includes just a Liturgy of the Word (ie: readings) and Rite of Marriage; does not include the Eucharist (ie: communion) Wedding within Mass = ceremony that includes the above and the Eucharist
Posted by clearheavens[/QUOTE]

Thanks.  But a question.  If FI takes communion and I do not, does that mean he received the sacrament and I did not?  Or does it mean that neither of us did because I did not take it?

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholiches-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:61966647-41c7-419e-95d8-352a7eb9f818Post:c5d7f147-3555-4b91-b65e-b403a74f0434">Re: I'm Catholic...he's not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm Catholic...he's not : Thanks.  But a question.  If FI takes communion and I do not, does that mean he received the sacrament and I did not?  Or does it mean that neither of us did because I did not take it?
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]
A wedding mass includes 2 sacraments. The marriage sacrament, and the sacrament of the Eucharist. The couple, if they are baptized people will both receive the sacrament of marriage. Whoever receives the Eucharist also receives that sacrament.

Calypso1977

agape, adn they both just have to be baptized in ANY faith, correct? 

clearheavens

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholiches-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:61966647-41c7-419e-95d8-352a7eb9f818Post:c5d7f147-3555-4b91-b65e-b403a74f0434">Re: I'm Catholic...he's not</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm Catholic...he's not : Thanks.  But a question.  If FI takes communion and I do not, does that mean he received the sacrament and I did not?  Or does it mean that neither of us did because I did not take it?
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#FF0000">If you were Protestant and he was Catholic for example, then no, there is no sacrament.  A sacrament can only be between two baptized Catholics.* (correction: "between two baptized persons")</font></div><div>
</div><div><strong>*EDIT: I was wrong.  A sacrament can be between two baptized Christians, as long as one is Catholic, and a dispensation for entering the mixed marriage is granted.</strong></div><div>
</div><div>But your situation is unique because you are Orthodox; which is very cool, btw, I don't meet many of them!  I mentioned in my post above that the Orthodox Church and the Catholic Church are very close to one another.  The Catholic and Orthodox Churches use the words Catholic interchangeably, they have identical creeds, they both have Apostolic Succession and recognition of the seven sacraments, and so on, so it is complex.  <font class="Apple-style-span" color="#FF0000">I'm sorry I can't help!* (correction: Yes, you will receive the Sacrament of Marriage)</font></div><div>
</div><div><strong>*EDIT: A marriage within Mass has two sacraments: the Eucharist and Marriage.  With you being a baptized Christian and your FI being Catholic, you two will receive the Sacrament of Marriage.  And if you two receive commmunion, then you two receive the Sacrament of Eucharist.  If only one of you, then that person will receive it.</strong></div><div>
</div><div>Here's one thing I know for sure: The sacrament of marriage is administered to each other!  The priest is just another witness, not an administrator.  So if your FI receives the sacrament, you will, too.</div><div>
</div><div>As an Orthodox, you are allowed to receive communion in the Catholic Church, and vice versa.</div><div>
</div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif;line-height:normal;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"><em>"Catholic ministers may licitly administer the sacraments of penance, Eucharist and anointing of the sick to members of the oriental churches which do not have full Communion with the Catholic Church, if they ask on their own for the sacraments and are properly disposed. This holds also for members of other churches, which in the judgment of the Apostolic See are in the same condition as the oriental churches as far as these sacraments are concerned" (CIC 844 § 3).</em></span></div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif;line-height:normal;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif;line-height:normal;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:Arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;color:#1f1f1f;line-height:14px;" class="Apple-style-span">However, it's up to your individual parish because it's not a question of "can or cannot," because obviously you can, but of "should or should not."  </span></span><span style="color:#000000;font-family:arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif;line-height:normal;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:Arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;color:#1f1f1f;line-height:14px;" class="Apple-style-span">T</span></span>here are priests who don't advice it since it's probably not prudent.</div><div>
</div><div>For example, If I were to receive communion in the Orthodox Church, am I saying that I agree with the Orthodox for not being in communion with the pope?  Or the other way, if an Orthodox is receiving communion in the Catholic Church, is that person saying that he or she is in communion with the pope?  This is the main reason for the split, which happened in 1054.  There is a delicate relationship between the two churches and both sides are trying our best to reconcile and reunite.</div><div>
</div><div>In certain situations, refraining from taking communion from different churches is a prudent, or a "cover your ass" (if you will) gesture.  As I mentioned, the relationship between the two churches is delicate.  But in others, it's a ecumenical effort (a fancy church word meaning to reunite all churches).  These are questions that the priest should talk with you and ask where you and your FI are coming from.</div><div><font face="arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif" size="3" class="Apple-style-span" color="#000000"><span style="font-size:12px;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></font></div><div><font face="arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif" size="3" class="Apple-style-span" color="#000000"><span style="font-size:12px;line-height:normal;" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family:Arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;color:#1f1f1f;line-height:14px;" class="Apple-style-span">In any case, I want to emphasize, even Catholics who want to receive communion must be in a state of grace.  I invite everyone to consider going to confession before getting married.</span></span></font></div>

meggydoe

I'm getting married in 10 days.  My FI was raised Pentecostal (does not practice now) but his family is mega Pentecostal.  We are not having a full Mass for this very reason.

I am worried though, when his parents find out we are having beer at the church reception!  --They are going to freak out!  

clearheavens

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholiches-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:61966647-41c7-419e-95d8-352a7eb9f818Post:c46ffab1-85fa-45f7-80c4-734221aa21d3">Re: I'm Catholic...he's not</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm getting married in 10 days.  My FI was raised Pentecostal (does not practice now) but his family is mega Pentecostal.  We are not having a full Mass for this very reason. I am worried though, <strong>when his parents find out we are having beer at the church reception!  --They are going to freak out!  </strong>
Posted by meggydoe[/QUOTE]

<div>It would be a great intro to joining both families, Catholic celebration is all about the booze!  It's one big way to tell an Irish Catholic from an Irish Protestant. :P  I'm sure you'll be ok.  Congratulations and come back to tell us all about your Big Day!</div>

agapecarrie

If there are 2 baptized people marrying (whether catholic or not) it is most definitely a sacrament.

 A Catholic must receive permission to marry a non-catholic, and must be married according to Catholic form-- unless they receive dispensation from form. (2 different issues--- actually entering into the marriage and the form of marriage)

If one of the couple is not baptized, then it is not a sacrament

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholiches-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:61966647-41c7-419e-95d8-352a7eb9f818Post:39c9424f-183c-4132-91d6-e3f2186b0a63">Re: I'm Catholic...he's not</a>:
[QUOTE]If there are 2 baptized people marrying (whether catholic or not) it is most definitely a sacrament.  A Catholic must receive permission to marry a non-catholic, and must be married according to Catholic form-- unless they receive dispensation from form. (2 different issues--- actually entering into the marriage and the form of marriage) If one of the couple is not baptized, then it is not a sacrament
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  If you receive the dispensation for a mixed Christian marriage, then it is a sacrament.  No Communion during the ceremony is necessary for the sacrament of marriage.  Communion is its own sacrament.  So if you had a nuptial mass as part of your ceremony, the Catholic could receive two sacraments that day, and the non-Catholic would be part of one sacrament.</div>

bel138

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_im-catholiches-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:61966647-41c7-419e-95d8-352a7eb9f818Post:59e28f91-7254-45dd-9f1c-c5a03a5137c8">Re: I'm Catholic...he's not</a>:
[QUOTE]Both the Catholic and the Orthodox Churches has identical Nicene Creeds. 
......................................................................................................................................
So when you walk in a Byzantine Liturgy, you won't tell any difference between it and an Orthodox Liturgy. 
Posted by clearheavens[/QUOTE]

The creed is the same...for the most part. The Orthodox as well as the Eastern Catholic churches omit "and the Son" after "And in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the Giver of Life who proceeds from the Father." It's the great Fillioque debate, and one of the things we need to overcome to be reunited.

And the biggest difference in the Orthodox and Eastern Catholic Liturgy is who you're praying for. You need to listen for Pope or Patriarch. Assuming you're listening to Liturgies of the same geographical area (ie. Ukrainian Catholic and Ukrainian Orthodox) this really should be the only distinction.

clearheavens

Thank you, mica178 and agapecarrie, for clarifying the question about mixed marriages.  I've added an edited note to my post in red font above to reflect corrections.

CS4232011

Well, here's an update  from original post... spoke with the priest, he advises not to have a mass because it may cause some make the differences/distinctions much more prevalent and some hurt feelings. but the marriage still a sacrament (we get a dispensation, he made it sound like it was no big deal).  We just have to answer some questions and have witnesses to back up "testimony" that we are free to marry--no vows to enter into the priesthood or nunnery and never been married before (would just need to take more steps if this was the case.)  The service will be just as nice and meaningful, just no Eucharist.

Kinda bummed about not having a mass, it means more to me for my hubby to feel included and not to put him in the middle with his family.  I know it's something that meant alot to my mother and me, but she's understanding and trying hard to keep the disappointment to herself.  I will never say anything, and I'm not bitter about it, it was my choice to let it go in the end, but I hope they appreciate the thought and consideration I gave because I struggled with it.  (And this is for humor )Soo....I better not get any crap about where I register or how much I spent on something or what color the bridesmaid dresses are (MIL loves to give her input, love her, but...oh goodness..)

Priest said something good that I thought I'd share...we were both raised in different houses under different denominations but somehow we grew to have the same values and found each other, and have now decided to live together.  Regardless of the difference and as long as we think to live together, raise kids, and go through life, just keeping God at the center of it and trying to be the best people we can be, that's a victory/accomplishment in and of itself.