Hi ladies, I've never posted here before, but I had some thoughts that I guess I need to get out and I'm hoping this is the appropriate board for it.
I am baptized and confirmed Catholic. My family and I went to mass pretty much every week until I was a teenager. At that point, I felt I had better things to do than go sit in church for an hour and I basically refused to go. At this point, I think I've been to mass maybe 3 or 4 times in the last 8 years, with the exception of funeral masses, weddings etc. I would obviously not consider myself a practicing Catholic.
FI and I are getting married in the church because it is important to his mother. She was devastated that his brother didn't get married in the church and he felt like he had to do it, so I agreed. We've already booked the church and I put him in charge of figuring out Pre Cana and all that. However, the more I think about it, the more I feel like we shouldn't be getting marred in the church. I really don't think I can consider myself a Catholic at this point. I have different beliefs than the church (pro choice, pro gay marriage, pro contraception, etc.) I'm not even sure where I stand on the issue of whether there is a God, heaven, etc. I don't mean to offend anyone, but sometimes the whole thing just seems really far fetched to me. I didn't choose to feel that way, but the logical part of my brain just can't wrap my head around it. If someone were to ask what my religion is and I was going to give an honest answer, I'd have to say I was raised Catholic but at this point, I am largely non religious. My family doesn't really practice anymore either.
FI, on the other hand, still considers himself a Catholic, even though I don't feel like in actuality he is. He's okay with abortion in certain instances, he definitely believes in birth control, he's had plenty of premarital sex (sorry if that's TMI), he doesn't go to mass, nor does he believe that it's a sin that he doesn't, etc. He does strongly believe in God, but doesn't feel he needs to attend to church to be on good standing with God. I think this makes him Christian, but not really Catholic. His mom is very Catholic, she believes in everything the church teaches, she goes to mass weekly and goes to prayer groups throughout the week. Though we were both raised Catholic, I guess it's the fact that it was instilled in him more strongly than it was me that makes him more religious than I am.
I have no idea what to expect from Pre Cana and the Foccus thing and all that. I'm worried about what kinds of questions I will be asked. I know that plenty of people get married in the church, even if they don't share all their beliefs, but I'm not sure if those people just lie or what. I just worry that I disagree TOO much with the church. Can the priest say he won't marry us because my beliefs go against the church's beliefs? I don't want to lie to a priest about anything, but I'm really worried they'll kick us out or something. I know that the church will often marry a Catholic and someone of another faith, but I feel like it might even look worse that I'm confirmed Catholic, but don't practice what they preach.
FI also says the only things you technically "have" to believe to be Catholic are the things you recited at confirmation, but I don't even remember what those things were and if that's true.
As a side note, it's important to FI that our children are raised Catholic in the same way that we were. He wants them confirmed and all that so they later have the option to practice their religion if they choose to. I've agreed to this, especially since the things I disagree with the church about are things that you mostly learn about as an adult, not as a child in CCD, preparing for the sacraments, etc. I guess for this reason, it would be easiest if the church recognizes our marriage. I know a lot of parishes require you to be a participating member in order to have your children receive the sacraments, so if that's the case, then I would assume we'd start going to mass at that time.
I know this is super long and I'm not even sure what I'm looking for. Maybe advice on what Pre Cana is like and how to handle it? Similiar experiences? I know since this is a board for Catholic weddings that most of you are probably practicing Catholics and I hope I didn't offend anyone with my differing beliefs. I just wasn't really sure where else to share my thoughts.
