Friday Catholic Weddings

Saraemadden

Hi!  Our wedding is in November, and our home parish is undergoing their Capital Campaign (meaning we are heavily under construction - our services are currently in the gymnasium for the school).  Unfortunately, because our priest has kept saying "it will be ready by November," and has asked us not to book another church, we did as he asked and now.. you guessed it.. the church won't be ready until at least December and all of the other churches in the area are either booked with rehersal dinners for the Saturday weddings, or refuse to host us on a Friday evening.  We cannot reschedule our reception to a Saturday because we would lose over $3000 and cannot afford that (plus, it is already booked on Saturdays through next year).  Can anyone give any advice?  I'm sad because although I am completely aware that it is not about the wedding, but about the Sacrament of Marriage, I don't want to walk down the aisle in a gym turned church with plastic chairs from Walmart...
Why don't some churches host Friday evening weddings (when no Mass is going on that night)?

agapecarrie

I would make an appt with this priest and explain your problem. He should be doing the calling and making things happen for you. 

professorscience

I agree with Agape.  The church should definitely be working with you to make sure your wedding can happen as planned.

As for your question, it's definitely a parish-by-parish thing.  In my husband's hometown, it's nearly impossible to get a time for weddings on Saturdays, so many weddings are held on Friday evening.  At the parish where we were married, they were actually shocked that I suggested scheduling our wedding for a Friday.  The problem arises because if the church has two or three weddings that Saturday, that means two or three rehearsals the Friday before.  It's not about the masses, it's about the logistics of arranging all the other things that could be going on in the church around that weekend.

You've still got a little under six months to go -- is the construction really so far behind that the church absolutely won't be ready?  I see that you are in Houston -- are there any university chapels that you could use?  I know Catholics can be married at one of the universities in Dallas because, even though the university has Methodist roots, the Catholic student association uses the campus chapel for mass.

I hope something works out for you!

Saraemadden

Thanks!  For sure the church will not be ready, and the chapel at the university is too small for our guest list.  I am definintely running into the issue of rehersals at the churches, even had one deacon flat out tell me that they won't accomodate us because they have ONE rehersal  that evening and he refused to talk to the couple about changing the time or allowing us to work around that couple.
 
Unfortunately, our priest has cancelled out last two pre-cana sessions so it's been hard to talk to him lately (we know he is very busy).  Our next session is this week, unless he cancels again, so hopefully we can get some clarity.  I am very understanding of the situation, but as a bride, frustrated because we cannot make invitation finalizations until we have a church set in stone, as well as the fees for delivery from the florist, rental companies, transportation, etc. change with each location. 

I am praying that one of the churches will open its doors to us so that we can use their church on a Friday evening. 

lalaith50

Wow. That is VERY frustrating. I wonder if part of the reason some churches just "don't do" Friday weddings is b/c of personnel issues? Which makes me think... if you can get your priest onboard with maybe having him (or more likely, since he sounds busy,) his office staff deal with contacting other churches, since you could potentially come in with all of your *own* people (like your current priest would still be the one doing the ceremony, so it's not like the other church would have to provide a priest,) maybe the other churches would be more willing to make an exception? But I do agree, I suspect you'll be able to get further in asking other churches to make an exception to a Friday wedding if you are able to get the support of you current church. I think you should (nicely but firmly) try to get them to help be the ones to find another church for you.

newlyseliski

Not a fun situation to deal with in the last six months before your wedding   I know that most parishes around me are usually more than willing to accomodate Friday evening weddings... but that probably doesn't help you at all!  You do have a bit of breathing room for finalizing your invitations as you typically don't need to get them sent out until two months before your wedding... if you don't want to feel to crunched, perhaps finalize everything about the invitations except the portions dependent upon the church and ceremony information? 

I agree with prof and agape that your parish needs to help you out with this since they are technically responsible for the scheduling conflict.  Typically the priests and deacons in a diocese know each other fairly well and can connect you with another parish that could better accommodate your wedding!  If that doesn't work, heck, just go straight to the diocesan offices that coordinate marriage and family life ministry to see if they would be able to connect you with another parish.  You've got the right attitude about the situation, so I think they'd be more than happy to work with you if all else fails.  I hope everything works out for you!

agapecarrie

I'd also make sure that if you do any calling, they understand the situation. A cold call for someone wanting to schedule a wedding at a church in 6 months with a specific date chosen already without any context would be treated as a completely different situation than yours WITH the context of the story. 

monkeysip

Out of curiosity, OP, which parish are you at?

Unfortunately, my parish doesn't do friday weddings, so I can't suggest it. 

Have you already tried the cathedral? 

University of St. Thomas has a chapel, but they typically only marry alumni.  It still might be worth calling if you explain your situation.  You may just have to pay a different kind of fee to use the church.  (Although if you're having a really large wedding... that wouldn't be an option anyways)

Also, it may help if you offer to bring your own priest, if you're not already.

Lastly, post on the local board.  Maybe a bride there has had a wedding on a friday.

Saraemadden

Thanks everyone I would rather not say where we go, but it is in Southwest Houston, and the reception is in the galleria area. I did try the Cathedral, but thy have a concert and mass with cardinal DiNardo that evening. I've explained the situation to each church I call, and it's usually "well I'm sorry for your situation but we do not do Friday weddings, rules are rules." We have our appointment with our priest this Thursday so hopefully we can talk to him about t and explain how we feel. I feel bad because I know it's not about where, but at the same time, I'm a young bride and am trying to host a beautiful, elegant event (it's about the marriage but the events and how it's put together makes it a wedding). I had some luck, a church about 20 miles away said they could host us. It is further than I'd like but it's an option.

professorscience

My suggestion was going to be checking with some of the churches in the Houston 'burbs, I guess.  I know it would be a drive, but I feel like your guests would understand.

And 20 miles is nothing in Houston!  I hope it works out!

monkeysip

Yeah, if you just let word pass around about your situation, I'm sure your guests will understand.

I drive 35 miles for my daily commute, even to church on sundays.  I would drive 20 for a wedding. 

Hope it works out!

Saraemadden

Thanks!

Calypso1977

agreed - i drive 30 minutes to my church, and here in MA, the average commute to work is an hour.

Tami87

Just wanted to add that I also think the 20 min isn't a big deal to drive.Our church is about 30 min from the reception and hotel we blocked. I think if you are 30 min or under you are fine, especially if it is a driving city where people are used to having to commute. Good luck! I hope it all works out for you.