Unity Candle - not Catholic

bibliophile2010

Does anyone have a good resource for explaining that the unity candle is not a Catholic tradition? A quick Google search gives me the same article over and over on different websites.

My FMIL is apparently convinced that is it very Catholic and that our wedding must have one. I, however, know that they aren't part of the Catholic tradition, are a new trend and think we're already going to have enough "stuff" at our wedding (well, mass + presentation to Mary), that we really don't need more. My parish allows its use, if we want it, so I don't have "not allowed" to fall back on. I just really don't want it.

I don't want it to be a me v. her thing. I'd rather have a document or something authoritative to show her when it comes up.

mica178

From the USCCB:
Unity Candle
Although lighting a “unity candle” is not part of the Rite of Marriage it has become very popular as an additional ritual. Most policies do not prohibit this custom but many suggest that it be done at the reception since the Rite of Marriage already has abundant symbols of unity. Cincinnati’s Celebrating Marriage booklet has a pastoral explanation for this. If the unity candle is used, the couple should light their individual candles from the paschal candle, the individual candles should not be extinguished, and the candle should not be placed on the altar. The Sioux City policy reinterprets the unity candle as the “Christ candle.” Liturgists continue to discuss the use and conflicting meanings of the unity candle.

From what I can tell, the unity candle during marriage ceremonies dates back about 40 years, but it was popularized by a wedding on a soap opera. 

The unity candle is a "new" tradition among many of H's family, and there was pressure for me to have one, but I stood my ground and said that I didn't really feel the need for pop culture/symbolism in the already symbolically-rich ceremony.  Since H didn't attend any of the ceremony planning sessions with the church coordinator, he missed out on his chance to push for it.  I told him from the beginning that I didn't care for unity candles, so if having one was important to him, he'd have to have that discussion with our priest.  He didn't, so we didn't. 

agapecarrie

It was invented on a soap opera. It is actually insulting to me as a witness to the marriage, and here's why:

If you are going to disneyland, and there is a sign that says "10 miles to disneyland" you don't get out of the car, decorate the sign, and take pictures of the sign...you go directly to disneyland.

The rings are the symbol of unity. The union ACTUALLY HAPPENS in the Eucharist, there is no need to delay getting to it. 

Everything in the mass/rites has purpose and theological meaning...down to why the priest holds his hands a certain way. Everyone has a role in the mass/rites. The congregation is a participating part in the dialogs, the joining of the prayers with the angels and saints during the eucharistic prayer, the hearing of the proclaiming of the word, the representation of the larger church during the witnessing of the vows.  When a couple stops everything to walk over to light a candle, they stop that flow, that participation. The congregation then turns into spectators. It chops up the flow of the liturgy.

ootmother2

I googled "origin of Unity Candle in weddings" and there are probably 8 or 9 different answers.

The only one I like was that an interfaith couple in the 70s did it to show their uniting themselfs and their religions.  Okay, I don't have any disagreement with that, it sound sweet to me.

I've see the Unity Candle ceremony in about half of the weddings I've attended in the last 10 years.
 
M's  SIL had it at her wedding and it was beautifuly done.  The mothers each lit a candle off a larger candle in front of the alter and passed it along those on the altar until they reached the bride and groom.   Then the B&G walked to the main alter and put them each in a candlestick for the rest of the wedding.  I wish I could remember the music that was playing becaue it was lovely.

Other weddings, not so much.   They were all done in various ways, some
 saying it united them as a couple, some said it united their families.

It never became a subject for M's wedding.  She thinks they are tacky.  oh well

Vraechel

I found this on weddingdetails.com

Candles 

The use of the Unity (memory) candle is often discouraged. (However, each parish priest will make suggestions on this; follow his direction.) The United State Conference of Catholic Bishops has deemed the text of the symbol of the candle as faulty symbolism within the ceremony. If a Unity candle is desired, it is often suggested to build a ceremony within the rehearsal dinner celebration.

GulfCoaster

Here's the link for the language Mica posted from the USCCB:

http://www.nccbuscc.org/laity/marriage/mpanalysis.shtml (it's long -- use Ctl-F to find the part about the unity candle).

amber2123

FYI, some priests won't allow Unity Candles because there is controversy over it being Pagan.

k8ly

Bummer - I bought a really pretty floating candle one that can be used as a vase after - it's engraved.  Maybe I can find a place for it as a vase instead. 

Learn something new every day.

mica178

I'd call the unity candle secular, not pagan. 

amber2123

Some churches strictly prohibit the use of unity candles. Among the Latin Rite and in more orthodox parishes of the Roman Catholic Church, it is sometimes considered pagan by local priests or pastors. These restrictions do not stem from theology or catechism, but instead on the widely held suspicion that unity candles find their origin in Wiccan practices, Zoroastrian ceremonies and New Age philosophies. Each church has its own rules and expectations for what is permissible during a wedding ceremony, and couples interested in the unity candle ceremony are advised to confer with their priests and officiants on any applicable regulations.