Choosing to wait...

Kamakanani

Hi ladies... This isn't really wedding planning related, but it is related to marriage prep.  I was just wanting to touch base and possibly find others who have made the same decision mid-courtship/mid-engagement.  This weekend, FI and I discussed it seriously and at length, and have decided (starting now) to try and wait until we're married to be fully intimate again.  Previous to this, we've been using ABC and not abstaining.  

Has anyone else made this decision mid-courtship/mid-engagement?  I know it will be a challenge (what with the knowing what we're giving up) but I also feel not only that it'll be worth it, but that it's the right choice.

ETA - clarified a bit...

lmeade62

We did not do this mid-courtship, but we have decided to observe a period of abstention before our wedding...

Linda

GeorgiaPeachMarie

We waited completely, but now that we're married we've switched to NFP and waiting four months until we've adjusted to the method. It's hard now knowing what we're giving up. We should have done this before we got married and it wouldn't be an issue. I just had a difficult time adjusting to ABC and I don't think we anticipated that. 

professorscience

FI and I made this decision a little before we got engaged.  It has been hard, and we have slipped up a few times, but we are determined.

saritak

We decided to abstain mid-engagement. During our Engaged Encounter, 10 months before our wedding, we talked about it and decided to abstain from then until the wedding. We lived together and made it to the wedding night without any slip ups (don't get me wrong, there was plenty of temptation and I can see how people can have a few slip ups). I was happy with our decision and, in fact, today is our two year anniversary.  

Hope61

Good for you! Make sure you are praying together, especially that God help you remain chaste until the wedding night--you can't do it by yourselves!

Calypso1977

we abstained for our entire engagement, which was about 7 months (except for 1 slip-up).

we purchased a house shortly after our engagement.  we couldnt afford to pay the mortgage and pay for one apartment, so we made the decision to live together coupled with the decision to abstain.

it was hard, but we kept separate bedrooms and for the most part it worked.  the slip up we had was when we went away with friends and were alone in a hotel room.  probably our bad for not booking a room with 2 beds. 

it definitley helped us prepare for our sacrament and really focus on other parts of our relationship.  i highly recommend it for anyone.

my only regret was that i didnt use this time to learn and begin my NFP practice.  we started this about 2 months after the wedding, which meant we then had to abstain for 2-3 months until i got the hang of it.

Kamakanani

We're definitely going to pray together for the strength, especially since we still have quite a ways to go until the wedding (April 2013 is what we're looking at right now).  We know the biggest challenge will be any vacations we take between now and then.  

I'm hoping to learn NFP sometime within the last year before the wedding so I know my signs, etc well by the time we start our new life together.

Thanks for all the support.  I knew this would be a great place to reach out.  I know something is very special about our relationship, because this is the first time I've knowingly desired to wait with someone (even though we hadn't previously been "waiting" so to speak).

agapecarrie

About NFP...you can start immediately--- in fact, I recommend all women learn as soon as they can-- for their health. I had a few health issues that made it more difficult to learn--- got the issues treated then I could finally figure things out.

2nd-- remember that it can even be sinful to put ourselves in the occasion of sin. If going on vacation together will be tempting, don't do it...or get separate rooms.

[Deleted User]

We abstained for about 6 months before our wedding. But my H was my first partner and I knew he was the one.

Kamakanani

@ agape - I'm definitely hoping to learn NFP sooner rather than later.  I'm hoping after the new year to find a class and get the book.  Up until then, work-related stress would make it a tad overwhelming.  Also, re: vacas, I'm thinking our best bet (as I know there's at least one trip that we'll be making - to see my mom get her PhD) will be separate beds (or, for the trip to see my mom grad - share the hotel room with my grandparents - that'll help keep us chaste! lol)

caitriona87

Just wanted to offer my support & encouragement; also, don't forget the sacrament of confession which will absolve you and give you the grace to live chastely. God bless you!

agape1cor813

Hi, I happened to come across this thread, and I just want to commend you ladies for being honest and open and non-judgemental about the choices you all have chose to make. I have heard several conversations between Christians of other denominations where you can't even talk about sex before marriage or birth control without it turning into a big nasty debate in which women who use NFP call those who use hormonal birth control immoral. Just based on what little bit I've been lurking, that doesn't seem to be the case here, even though the Catholic faith is very strict on the matter.

savvy_savs

Congrats ladies!! We are all strong Catholic women and it shows in our words and actions. I decided to wait when I was 15. FI was not a virgin but has been waiting since we met. We got civilly married in September, due to his immigration, and bought a house. We do live together and sleep in the same bed, but have not had sex. It is tempting and I know we should probably sleep in other beds, but it has worked so far for us. We do have an unconventional situation right now, but we're both happy with it and look forward to consummating our marriage in 5 months!!

Praying for all of you

Jasmine&Rajah

[QUOTE]don't forget the sacrament of confession which will absolve you and give you the grace to live chastely. God bless you! =)
Posted by caitriona87[/QUOTE]

Amen!

mica178

We abstained through our engagement.  If you're thinking about NFP, starting to chart your cycle now while you're abstaining is perfect timing.  Also, it's nice to be able to tell the priest during confession that while you did have pre-marital sex and use ABC, now you've resolved to abstain until you are married.